sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah! Feels soo much better now. Wow this is weriod. But I figured if this is the only way I can speak freely and talk things out regarding my boyfriend and other self discoveries that I do not want friends/family/boyfriend's family to read then...so be it. So this, is my whorey - whatever goes - diary. No connections, just wham bam ... you get the picture. Things I have been thinking about: A. While in Michigan I talked to my guy for like two hours. He ended up getting so horney on the phone than he (not me) had phone sex and yeah...on the phone. It was weriod, and I wanted to just say, uhh ... ? B. We had a "Talk" about the divorce and stuff and yeah. It was awkward because it feels like NOTHING IS GOING TO GET DONE. Like I did this *insert good thing* however I couldn't because of this *insert bad thing to erase good thing two-fold*. So I'm all confused and am like, I don't care, I care, I don't. C. Eh, he got me nothing for Valentines Day. He read that I said "fuck off" to him when he left. I cringe to wonder if he read (he didn't mention this) ... how he cried on the phone to me. I cringe to think this fucker friend of his read these things ... to him ... then laughed about it. I die inside a little to know he heard these bad things I wrote ... how I said I was flirting with three guys, how I doubted us and how it sounds bad, but not my intention - as I don't cheat and those guys...weren't anything and are gone ... I cry to think his brother might, just MIGHT have read my diary and could be reading it, the friend could still be reading and I just wish sometimes I'd never started my diary. I know it's not my fault, yet it is and now, I just want to forget it. C. I cannot believe I bought condoms. D. I blew my guy in Michigan and swallowed. E. My guy is going to go down on me (hence if my period stays away) ... for the first time. F. We are going to have sex really soon - I think - the way we are anymore. I just hope he can keep it up because last time, it was crazy and then the positioning thing, I'm in not hurry and am like...curious about it and not afraid of the pain anymore for some reason. I'm kinda like...eh am not really stressing about this anymore. G. I aim to lose some serious serious weight and to change myself on the outside ... starting in March - with me starting a new exercise/eating program. Doing it for me because I'm unhappy with how I react when my boyfriend sees some fat on me and when I see my legs and how I look...no, that isn't what I want myself to be. Ahh that feels soo much better. 9:39 p.m. - 2005-03-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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