sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- without it Sorry I haven't "updated" my above three things - my gold membership hasn't yet been transfered over (come on diaryland, I'm losing monay here!!) Anyway. I emailed workguy yesterday after feeling like I was maybe a bit to rough with him. I think I'm upset cause he couldn't go with me as my date to that wedding. I think my ex haunts me in the way that I think guys don't want to see me as much as I want to see them, and are stand-offish. That is my baggage, I don't deny it. It's hard to get around sometimes. So that's why I emailed him and apologized if I seemed bitchy to him. Anyway we talked via email and we're going to see a movie Friday. (Enter baggage) Does this mean we're still going to hang out Saturday too - as planned? So he said let's see a movie (Saw II) and eat before or after it. I said let's go make a pizza at my place to which he doesn't seem to want to. I feel at odds cause I'm still quite low on cash. I'm going to buy the tickets on Friday at lunch ($12 - $15 bucks - I am buying his as he bought me dinner last time) and then if we go out and eat, insert another $5-$10 depending on where we go. That's why I said let's eat @ my place - which will save both of us money. But he's still squismish about going to my place or being alone. This man, I do not understand ... because men usually want to be alone with you. I call it makin' moves time, especially after the movie, come on!!!! I'm seriously getting aggravated at him holding back on the very basics of beginning relationship intimacy. I don't want sex, just a frickin' kiss. Is that so hard to ask for? I need something, I mean SOMETHING to let me know that this isn't a "friend" thing. Cause right now, it's like a ... hug thing ... it's like we talk about it but don't actually go to the next step of intimacy (NOT SEX) ... but touch? Not that type of touch, but not afraid to touch my hand or put his arm around me. I figure I'm going to have to be the one to step it up because he's to shy or afraid, something. I know he's self conscious and whatever, but so am I. I chalk it up to him being out of the loop for so so long, that he's just fucked up. However I won't want to seem to forward cause that's a scary turn off. Just a big mess, maybe he'll prove me wrong. As last time I had not prepared for move making, and he did go in to hug me while I did not expect that. I've turned touchy feely somehow. I mean to me it's just as important as words are. *Sigh* I'm just not used to dealing with this? Never, really, never have I been the one having to tell the guy to make some moves. Usually I'm the one saying slow down dude, to fast. Come on, come on, come on! Hmmm. The snake part of me feels like I should plan some attack that'll get the ball rollin'. Yet I wonder if maybe this is his own game to hold off until the girl goes nutty. But guess what, I'll get bored and go, go, go. Whatever dude. There's always more fish in the sea, though I cannot even fathom being single - to the point of no men in my life. No fireman or workguy. Would entirely suck. I like having the drama and the emotions of this. What would I ever do without it? 9:31 a.m. - 2005-10-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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