sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary
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some type of heat
So that day I'd been pining over has come and gone. Today. I'm feeling odd.
He got me what I knew he'd get me. A teddy bear dipped in wax. It looks neat - it smells like cinnamon. The thing smells up my apartment. I couldn't tell him that I dislike the smell of cinnamon, but I am dealing with it, and am learning to like it. It's better than him getting me tea rose or vanilla.
Also a box of chocolates and a card included, it was a good gift. He liked his blanket - and we both seemed relieved that either of us wasn't disappointed with what we'd chosen for each other.
We went out to eat, got back and had some brownie. I didn't really have a appetite - which I didn't notice - until he pointed out that I barely ate my dinner (burrito - ate not even half of it) ... and couldn't eat dessert - and gave him the rest of mine. Not sure why I wasn't hungry - I think just nervous.
Not to mention had taco bell for lunch. *Ahem*
Still, we sat in the candle lit living room and chatted and talked and I asked what he wanted for his birthday. It's now, the second time he's brought up anal sex.
I know, what a thing to talk on. Note I'm going to probably take him to Navy Pier for a boat ride - lunch cruise - since he's always wanted to do that.
But I said "what else? we can do anything you want." He said ... "anything? cause I have a top 10 list of things I want to do someday."
I said "okay....anything." He told me about that - as before in a "bet" he asked for it too. So last night I said, we haven't even had sex yet! He said he wanted to try it, said all this shit about it ... then I questioned somethings and said I would "TRY" it, but if it hurt or whatever, then NO.
THEN he goes, nooo we don't have to ... blah blah blah. So I said, this the second time you've asked about it, so it's not something to "forget."
I'm sitting there thinking, if he wants to do this, then okay ... I will try ... but he was getting sort of "demanding" with other things. Such as he wants me to shave downstairs. I said I trim. But shave? I would, I might, but I do NOT want to go to the gyn with a shaved one. It just seems odd and gross.
Other things, was I said, what would do if Pooks kissed me or grabbed me ... he said he'd kick his ass. I was sort of like "yeah right" but he then got all heated about this. I got sort of mad ... and said that he didn't own me, and he said he does, because we're dating, he owns a piece of me. So I said well then I own a piece of you.
Rar.
Sometimes I don't know if he's bullshitting around or being for real. I can SEE a lot of his father in him ... this temper and how frustrates he gets whenever I question him because sorry, he's not right all the time.
But then he has this soft side, saying I'm sorry, saying I didn't mean it, you're right, etc.
He should be a gemini.
Regardless, it was an ODD night. So on the couch, I sat there and said, "why aren't we making out right now?" He said, well "come here" ... so I went into why I always had to make the moves. He said, "but I'm right here."
He didn't seem to understand, and again I got uncomfortable kissing him and changed the way I was sitting. He got all aggravated because I moved and said it shouldn't matter how I'm sitting ... or comfort. I said it did ... and in that ... we kissed a lil - his nose was running a lil. But we kissed a lil here and there, he giggled a bit, I did a bit ... and I commented on how I wore a new bra for him and stuff. He put his hand on my breast for a moment.
I layed back on him and we chatted more - and I said he had property rights and that I wish he'd touch my boob more. He said he went to when we were kissing but I brushed his hand away (I didn't realize I did) so he went for the crotch ... and said he didn't feel I was ready.
I love that, if a guy thinks you're not ready for a boob touch, why in the world would you go for the crotch??
Regardless I said I didn't and I liked having my boobs touched, and he finally touched them. I felt odd at first, usually guys are kissing me when they touch them, and I kept brushing his hand away - as he was trying to touch the nip - of course it got friggin hard and I felt embarrassed but he seemed to be enjoying himself and I let him touch them.
I said next time we need to do more. He said, are you ready for that? Do you think we are? I finally let it out and said "GOD YES, ___(insert his name)____ I think we're READY .... We've ... it's been 4 months ... WE ARE READY don't you think??"
I was sort of flabbergasted and then I said, "sorry honey, we will go at your pace ... if you're not ready ... I understand ... I...."
He said, "okay, then next time be ready." He said something about being naked. And I said I'm fine with that. I also said I didn't want that to BE our relationship. You know just THAT being it.
So ... regardless ... it was relieving. So he asked if I'd be okay with him touching me, I said YES. So I asked if he'd be okay with me touching him. He said yeah ... but I feel like he is nervous about it as he commented about it being....you know ... verses it not.
I also asked when guys got hard - cause I always wondered - and he was like ... well I was half way there when I was touching you.
Oooh.
So he slipped his hand in my shirt, under the bra for the first time. It was really nice - cause I wasn't nervous and to the point I just wanted more.
I sat up after that and we kissed a lil more. And we finally more into it. Finally huh. But he stopped shy of it really progressing - his nose a lil stuffy, argh.
I told him about my hurdle theory. That with intimacy ... we're trying to jump this hurdle ... however we haven't made it yet. He said, he thinks we have with now Friday being ... it. He said now....we are over this hurdle.
I wanted to say we'll see .... but no. He really does want to mess around, saying as much as he wants the side of the bed I'm on - so it's easier for him. I said as much as ... about blow jobs and if he does put his hands down there that I'm still a freshly deflowered girl - and no two finger dance will work unless I'm really ....
So have we jumped this hurdle? I don't know. We'll see, and I'm slightly nervous, but I felt it melt away last night, a lot of it did.
Still, having a boy touch my boobs was fantastic, I've been waiting for that, so a while. And he is right, it means so much more and ... yeah.... Friday. We'll see.
He was very touchy last night, I'm happy about that. Him smelling my hair, touching my cheek, the works. I couldn't believe he went in for the coo - coo touch. Wow. That boy has grown some ..... Maybe that mojo is here.
Yet I feel after Friday should we mess around for real ... I feel as if he's beginning to feel like he indeed owns me. I'm not sure if I like this feeling? Especially should someone make a move - Pooks always plays around as such - etc. I wonder if he really would do such a thing as fighting?
That worries me, still it's sort of fascinating to know this, yet annoying how much he watches me - making sure I'm okay - all the time - watching. I'm not comfortable with this yet and wonder if this is part of relationship?
All I know is I anticipate Friday. I'm liking that I can finally touch him and maybe do other things.It really is exciting. To tell the truth, and maybe that's what waiting is all about.
All I know is I felt a sudden passion in one of our kisses, and his breathing in some of them, nervousness is leaving us and now it's getting into some type of heat.
***by the way this is what he got me for Vday*** If pic doesn't show, will post it again later:
8:40 a.m. - 2006-02-15
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