sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Ah. The day is finally here. I can finally get that big ol' gift bag out of my closet and regain much needed shoe space. I used to hate today ... VDay ... when you're single, it sucks and you realize you need to find someone. And if you're single and reading this, I know what you're going through. But I've paid my dues and waited and waited. It'll come for you someday and know that even if you should have someone, sometimes today doesn't get any better. Last year I had someone too and cried the whole day he was such an asshole to me ... things change and these things take time. I'm at work and it's sunny out and going to be 45 degrees. I'll take that from yesterdays 23 degrees and 40 mph winds. I haven't been that cold, in a long time. Walk out the door, freeze, and get into car and freeze yet again. Apt. is cold, bed cold, I just can't win. Yesterday I figured out with WG got me for VDay (today). I was training this girl and I told her he had gotten something from one of his accounts (he's a graphic artist) ... and she broke into his file and we found all the recently modified files - and the only one that made sense (unless he's getting me cosmetic surgery) is this candle shop. We both laughed as I bellowed, I don't want a fucking pie candle ... as that was advertised. Also advertised as a bear candle. It's not really a candle, but a teddy bear dipped in wax. Ugh! ;) I'm happy he got me anything, but a pie candle WILL be a disappointment. I HATE that shit. My decor - well think Charlotte in Sex in the City. Think NO COuntrY shit, no Precious Moments (Ick!) or blue ducks and *puke* country hearts, fake flowers. No. Think Martha Stewart. Clean, classic. Still, I'm not picking, or complaining, because he really THOUGHT about what to get me and CARES. Though my mom did say, "Jen you're going to have to spell it out for him." Still I don't care - don't mind. We're still freshly dating in a few ways, but now I shall start telling him what I like/want. Give hints to make it easier for him. Now I sit here thinking of Easter - I'm going to make him a basket I know. :) Regardless. You all know I told fireman and MG to "fuck off" ... well yes ... both are STILL HERE. Fireman called this morning and I didn't answer. I called my cell. I didn't answer. He called at work - and I answered - not knowing it was him. We talked and he said can we still be friends? I said...yes ...and he asked if he could see me again, I said only in public. I told him about WG and how I am giving him keys to my apt - and ... how we're happy, etc. He said that was nice and started talking sex to me. I really ... it bothers me ... that I just can't shake these guys. You mess with a man once and it's like they think they own you. So I'm not answering my phone anymore at home - when it rings so late at night/early in the morning. It saddens me that they still think this about me, that I'll be so quick to spread my legs for them all over again. It's just ... argh. I could cheat and be this thing, and be like MG where I say it's "okay" because I'm "young" or because I don't get "it" enough. But....I just can't ..... Fireman said he sent me a card and when I get it, I need to hide it cause of the things he wrote in it. Hmm....? What did he write??! Okay will not let this bring me down because today is me and WG's day. I know I control the outcome of my life and if I let myself get down - because of fireman's and MG's ... then it's my OWN fault. I haven't cheated. And know temptation will always be here. And it's my CHOICE, my LIFE. No one is to blame except for me. OKAY *Phew* Sooo I got my apt ready to tonight. Still am feeling slightly nervous. Don't know why? I got flowers for my apt yesterday ($10!!!) of yellow spray roses with orange spray roses and pink mini carnations and pink spray roses and yellow carnations....very pretty bouquet. I got everything ready for tonight - the brownie is out with the heart cookie cutter - and coolwhip thawed out. His present is "hid" by the couch. Last night, folks ... I took a bath. I shaved my legs/ pits and ... for the first time "trimmed" downstairs. I always kind of wanted to .. just to see how different it would be --- and now kind of like the look/feel. Not that I'm hairy to begin with ... but now it's quiet neat. HA! It's amazing enough that I haven't shaved my legs in I'm thinking a month and you couldn't really even tell. I have nearly no hair on my arms ... so I'm not very hairy - thank GOD. Cause I see some girls who have disgusting hair arms, etc. ew. I trimmed, though I don't think he'll be touching there, but I just did it ... just to. I made my bed this morning and wore a shirt I used to wear for ex boyfriend - low cut - and easy access to boobs - and I am wearing my brand new bra ... soft pink lace - and yeah. My body is in sex mode - all shaved up and stuff. Perfumed and .... Oh I bought some Elexa personal wipes. I got three free condoms in it - low odor latex - and natural feel. I kind of want to see what they look like - low odor latex? I got a free coin purse - at least I think it's that - cause it's all new. I don't think I can pull out a Elexa coin purse ... cause people will know I have sex. Gawd no! But not like WG is ready to fuck me...wait..."make love" as he says. Though I wish he would. I've been feeling amorous lately, not sure why. When WG was "spooning" with me, I really was getting ... rar. So who knows what is going on. I know he had that sex dream about me and in that, I hope it builds that confidence along with me saying I'd never deny him. Tonight we shall see. I pray he's not feeling like shit, etc. Ugh. That'll suck donkey. I'm still contemplating just where we'll make out. And I'm thinking couch, though I'm thinking maybe I should suggest the bedroom. I'll play it by ear I think. Oh well ... I'm still nervous and excited and just ... wish it was 4:30 or 5 so I could go home and wait for him. Besides, ugh, my skin broke out from all the stress on Saturday. I've been combating it since Sunday. Creme's and potions ... they pretty much have calmed down - but I get self conscious about that. It's like fuck I'm almost 30 years old and still break out? Even on birth control that supposedly is for acne? WTF IS THIS SHIT? Oh wellll I'm feeling slightly crankalishious because I emailed WG a Happy VDay and he still hasn't emailed back. WTF? I hate when he does that. I'm thinking, right now. I want some fast food for lunch. How terrible of me when I need to lose bad. Okay will go home for Chicken Salad from Saturday. Tonight after WG leaves I'm throwing away the left overs from the bridal shower. - Cake and jello, etc. I think I just need to get rid of that temptation. Oh well. Okay Happy Valentine's Day everyone. 8:57 a.m. - 2006-02-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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