sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lotto It's hard to believe that I'm engaged. I know I sound fruity. But ever since the word has been out, it's like everyday I hear about it. And frankly. I'm growing slightly tired of it. Everyone at work knows and all my friends know. WG talks about it. Tonight I go to his parents to show them the ring, so again, yet again, we're going to be talking about weddings, white things, halls, flowers, DJ's, photographers, etc. etc. I'd always wished for this day. But like a friend at work said, it's the attention thing that gets you. When you suddenly become that girl watched and stuff. Questioned, pondered, etc. Does she really love him? Is she happy? Settling? I heard that my ex, in an ironic turn of events also got engaged this past weekend. Who knows if it's true, and who cares. Regardless, WG has been sort of weriod since the engagement. Maybe more layed back, or whatever, comfortable, etc. Happy. While I've been thinking and then planning and pushing him to plan and stuff. Bride-zilla. I also have been slightly unsatisfied in our love making recently. I don't know why, but eh ... it's not as passionate as it used to be. I think we're both working a lot and tired a lot .... etc. It's hard to find time for proper foreplay and things like that ... instead of just doing the 5 minutes of bliss. I guess recently we've been doing "quickies." And I think I'm tired of it. Not that I love him any less, but I know we just need to relax and have a good night of passionate sex. I dunno. We're both very happy, we talk about moving in and when his house is done. I can't wait either. And everyone loves my ring. He feels so proud. It's cute. And I look at him now and see how he's changes since we met. He's happy now, content and ready to settle down. I am too, finally, but still feel a bit flighty about thinking about the future, but I trudge on, even when I get scared/cold feet. I just go go go. So it's June and my birthday is in 12 days. June 13th. I'll be 29 years old. And fastly approaching 30, I shutter to think that I'm getting married at age 30. I know age is a number, but I want to be knocked up by at least 32. It's odd to think/say that. But hell, WG wants to put his house up for sale right after we get married. My mom thinks that's crazy, but I'm silently thinking ... "good." But we'll see what happens. It's hard to plan such things for the future when you don't know what'll happen day to day. I just am happy to be getting on the road of life, instead of that person sitting on the side of the road wishing they could start moving. Marriage, home, kids. It's all here for me, for us. Just odd to get it, once it's there, and yours it's hard to relish in the fact and to enjoy it and not to rush things. When all you want to do is run and bound into life so quick, but in that, you lose all those good feelings equated to it. My sister, newly wed now 2 months, is acting odd. To everyone. My mom and myself. We are questioning if she's happy. She's very short with everyone, bitter sometimes and just overall very unhappy sounding with complaints and things and changing everything suddenly, etc. I don't know her anymore and I worry that I'll get like that too ... but I feel happy and can't see myself getting sad with my fiance ... I know I say this now ... but we've been living together now....what...3 months? I figure any bad things would've come up by now...and I'm pretty much okay. Sometimes I miss being alone or sleeping in a bed all to myself, but when he is gone, I end up missing him and wanting him to be by my side again. I dunno. Right now I'm trying to get used to him seeing me naked. It's very very hard. I dislike my body and I'm trying hard to stop this. He sees everything except for down below. I always cover it with my hands and he sighs and says he thinks I'm beautiful. I said I dont' think I am. And he says I'm not even "fat" and I say, "you're blind" I'm trying, really I am, I've gotten better, etc. Argh. Okay back to work, my ho-hum diary. I'm going to have to start getting bridal books now, planners, magazines, websites. We know the date: Oct. 13 07. The theme - fall/autumn, the favor - bottle of maple syrup in the shape of a maple leaf, OR a taffy apple. 50 - 55 people ... Ugh. We're looking at a hall on Sat. JUST TO SEE. So....yeah. Life is moving. Can you believe in nearly a month's time ... I'll be moving into his house? NO MORE RENT? I mean NO MORE RENT. Those words are the sweetest words .... man saving $615 a month, it's like winning the lotto. 11:00 a.m. - 2006-06-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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