sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Woman Hi ya'll. Well I had a very awkward weekend to say the least. I spent the night at my guys house Friday night - we prior had had lunch together (with coworkers) and then dinner alone to celebrate his new job. So he's all confused about his new job thing, which I can understand. I think it's for the better, and I know he's trying to get some sign he's done the right thing, but I know that'll never happen. Really, I mean I left my Michigan job and sometimes I wonder what would've happend if I wouldn't stayed and what other job I could've went for...but that is life, it's a gamble and you have to live with whatever decisions you go for. SO Friday, we get back to his house and of course we're very all-over each other. So we make out a little on the couch - I slipped off my bra and sweater coat thing exposing my fat arms and feeling a bit like OK so what-ish, he knows I'm not thin. So he gets a phone call from an ex-coworker and I'm like...take the call man...so I lay there on his lap and he's touching my boobs and talking on the phone and I'm like...this is fucked up, and am like...man alive. So he gets off the phone and I let him see my boobs kinda by letting him pull them out, so I was vaguely proud of myself that I let him see that much of me. Friday was the "big" night of him going down town on me. I was really nervous, so we went into the bedroom and messed around a little (him first) and then I took a shower and so did he. So yes, he went down there and I thought I would just throw up or faint because I did NOT like how it felt. I mean it was okay ... but I didn't feel all that much and kinda missed how when he touches me down there, that definate feeling ... not like a tongue where it's like...what the fuck is he doing? I didn't ... uh ... "come" but I DID tell him I did and made him stop because I was just thinking how he must be tired of being down there and I was so friggin wet down there...I'm not sure what from because I wasn't THAT turned on? I'm wondering *puke* if it was from him and some from me. Regardless it was disgustingly grossly, just fucking nasty how I felt down there. Like I was some lollipop ... and what was SO bad was I didn't get anything from it. Soo ... erm ... I said .... so do you want to have sex since I'm just so wet down there? Yeah, I said that. So we grabs two condoms and starts going to down on himself to get ready....so this takes a bit and finally he gets there and tells me to get at the end of the bed. So I'm like...what do I do!? So I'm sitting there with my legs spread and I'm like, pillows! Don't we need pillows? So then he's like fuck...lost it! Argh. It was like man alive any other time when we're doing stuff he's as hard as a rock, but when it comes time for sex...it's hit or miss. So he gets upset and tells me I can't be all question-y like that and ... whatever. So I'm like OK let's try AGAIN. However I say let's try to get into position first...and he gets on top of me -missionary style and I say THIS IS what I want, I'm OK with that. So he goes to town on himself once again and puts on the condom and gets on top of me ... but is like, am I close? I'm like..uh...No...and he tries again...I'm like...I don't even feel you....so of course he loses it AGAIN! I think it was because we fooled around only like an hour to two hrs prior...and I think he's nervous about me being a virgin ...so I think that's his deal. I too was like..damn I think I lost my hard on just by trying to get him his ... and then was thinking how crappy it seems to get into this whole sex thing. I also kept thinking, shit he has a condom on...what if I get prego! Soo we kinda were like okay that was a dry run .... which was okay with me. But I was proud that I let myself be naked in front of him w/o feeling like a goon. So we talked a bit and he touched me down there for a bit...and then we went and watched tv and finally to bed. I'm nearly addicted to when he touches me down there, he does it so well and I've taught him the spots I like, so it's like oooh man. I also started my period today! I'm SO happy my body decided to wait until Saturday ... well it's just spotting a lil' nothing big, I mean I let him touch me down there this morning cause that's how nothing it's going, but still, it's enough that I wouldn't have let him go down there if I had chosen to come stay the night on Saturday. Soo. eh, it was a weriod time we had. I mean sometimes things feel so great and grand and others I wonder if he loves me enough or where we're going in this relationship. It's weriod, but I don't mind it and I'm ready for sex finally. I've done it ALL now, except penatration - I guess. That's okay with me, I'm in no hurry and I think I messed w/his head about it hurting for the first time....but bah, I'll be okay I'm sure. I'm not to worried and last night that was the least of my worries when he was simply just trying to FIND where to put the damn thing. Argh, what a time...and I think HE feels bad cause that's the second time he couldn't get it up to have sex! So he has some reservations about it - I'm sure ones that I created on him...but ... yeah next week I think we'll try once more, and basically not let him ... *ahem* ... I think that was a bit issue with it as well. I'm so happy I'm a woman sometimes. 4:49 p.m. - 2005-03-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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