sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A grain of salt. I've been very ... I don't know lately. Hard to say. I guess REALIZING is the word. I cried and yelled at my boyfriend a few days ago. I schedule an appointment with a therapist and I go May 3rd. I'm wondering if I should go still, but then know I should cause I get these moods a lot of the time where I feel like I'm in a rut and fucked and etc. And what is shitty is I feel I'm going because of my boyfriend and anymore and realizing. Yes, seeing. Realizing ... that he isn't the one and I guess I'm biding my time with him. Until? I don't know what, but more and more I'm getting this distain for the man a kind of ... possible hatred merely because he isn't what I wanted and that's upsetting to see these dreams dashed away by this realization of sorts. Hi, welcome once again to being more fucked up than you were before. If you thought ... and did you reallllllly think this? did you? ... if you thought being singled was fucked well try being in a shitty relationship that is so lop sided that everything falls to the floor ... that now you're truly fucked and though ... yes and though you know it ... and yes you do know it ... and though you know this, you fucking deny, deny, deny. So therapy will hope, I'm guessing. And I'm going back to college and maybe there will find someone worthy of me, someone where I can finally get what I want in a relationship. I also told that guy I've been chatting it up with on the net I'd meet him. So yes I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just doing right now and in this pain my boyfriend has caused me and yes it's pain ... it's like I'm doing this to get back, to show him ... ha, see I can get other guys and when I dump yo' ass ... I'll have something else to latch onto. But please I'm just talking right now, dont take this seriously as I might change my mind about some things, right now I feel just messed up inside. So just take this with a grain of salt. 3:12 p.m. - 2005-04-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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