sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- love that. I still cannot remember my new password, I remember the first two numbers ... kinda the last two, the middle ones get foggy. Argh, I'm usually very good at remember numbers, this number though, it giving me issues. Anyway, today is a "I'm behind" day. I got up and decided to deposit my gym reimbursement check at my bank - which is in my bank that is like where I used to live. Took me 15 minutes to get there, then I remembered the tracks are closed by work, so I had to drive into Illinois, just to get to work. We're about 2 mins from the "border" of Lansing, IL. So after noticing how people are driving like SHIT today, I got to work and breathed a sigh of relief. However, everyone is cranky! WTF? It's sunny out today! Come on people. I mean I felt happy that I didn't have to run to my car this morning due to the rain and actually slept better due to no weriod sounds due to the rain on my air conditioner. However the guy upstairs, at like 4 or 5 a.m. was making some weriod thumpy sounds - like...in his bedroom. I couldn't quite make out if it was sex sounds, or just ... other sounds. I think for sex it was just a bit to ... rhymthic? Like no pause and didn't vary in it's thumps. If it was sex, he really was doing it boring. Anyway, I lay in bed and thought about my own squeaky as HELL box spring. It's only on one side, so I'm going to be Ms. Fix it and try to "fix" it. I'm going to take off my mattress, and then flip up my box spring and nicely undo the fabric on the back where the spring is and see if I can A - fix it or B - Grease it. Then nicely put back the fabric/staple it/whatever they do on the bottom on it. I figure no one sees it anyway. I hate that squeak. I dont know what to do about it and sure my neighbors downstairs have heard me. I guess in apartment living, that is the only shitty thing. I mean I guess I wouldn't mind if I lived ground floor, but I don't and yeah if I hear the guy upstairs squeak ... I'm pretty sure others can hear me. *SIGH* However not like I'm having sex anytime soon. Not that I'm complaining. Still feel awkward about my workguy and his weriod ass "courting" ways. Mr. Still-Hugs. Mr. Scared to come to my apartment. I'm figuring on how he says he wants to take it really slow, but what the fuck does that mean? I roll my eyes at the boy, I feel like I've lost my touch. I didn't realize I was this needy for affection. Still, feeling unwanted like that, sucks. Most guys would've .... argh. I know stop comparing. Oh well, I hit the gym last night. Did my elliptical for like 40 minutes and then lifted weights. It was so busy I haven't road the bike there ... in so long. I don't mind, I figure the ellip. makes up for it. I'm going to go again tonight. I need to get back to working up my muscles as the past two weeks I've slacked majorly. I saw stretch marks on my body today and wonder if I've gained weight or somehow lost it. Not sure, can't see me losing it ... I haven't been brave enough to get on my scale. God knows, man, how I'll feel if I've gained. Argh, set back! My period is coming in a major way, I sort of feel pms'y already. With cravings and feeling lazy. Or maybe it's the weather. Oh well I also have been looking again, slightly, for jobs. It seems a losing battle, but I'm feeling mediocre again. My cousin is going to try to get me freelance work, she's like VP of this business thing for our town. So new businesses go through her, etc. That means I could get some freelance work on brochures, biz cards, whatever. Hm. I'm okay w/ this but not holding my breath. I've been kinda really...lazy! WTF? Seriously, I haven't even been on the computer like I used to. I think before I kinda was just on to "find dates" and anymore, I do not want anymore dates. I'm fine with my two guyz. It's odd. Plus I have no money to buy anything, sooo what is the point? I dreamed last night I had to get married to POOKS! It was for something legal and to help him out. So a fake marriage. I couldn't figure out how to tell fireman nor workguy about it and how I was going to hurt them. I didn't want to tell him. Ha. Telling dream. Then I dreamed I got a big ass spike stuck in my tire. I was so fucking mad in my dream. I couldn't fathom how I got a SPIKE in my tire. Then I woke up. Anyway ... I'm getting slighly annoyed at work. A tinge cranky. I hate this old biddy that sits across from me. She is rude and loud to everyone. I hate it. Then she coughs and coughs and coughs. She's done this ever since I've been here. Not a sickness cough or smokers cough, old person's cough. Annoying that she doesn't even try to STOP it with water or anything. ARGH Then, yes her BREATH smells like fucking DOG FOOD. I'm not kidding. If I walk over into her area, the whole PLACE smells like her breath. I hate filling in for my boss cause it really smells and she'll come to sit by me and use the computer next to my bosses and then I feel like I SMELL like her ALPO DOG FOOD BREATH. I pray she doesn't have conversations sometimes. But it's odd, her stench doesn't come over into my work area - I think it's the heating or something, blows it the other way, thankfully. Yuck. When I get old, I'm going to A. bathe every day and B. always eat breathe mints and C. wash my clothes a lot. *Shutter* ERM. Okay. So anyway sorry to vent on some old lady, but she gets me in bad moods a lot due to her annoying habits. Just like the guy that ways by my desk snapping, clapping his hands, goes to the desk and drums really fast ... about 4 to 5 to 100 times a day. I get annoyed by disturbances such as this - short attention span - easily disturbed. I give filthy looks. Fuckers. Okay I'm not nuts I swear it. Rar. Anyway, I wonder if fireman will call today. I should keep track of when he calls. I think I've cost that boy about $1,000 in phone calls now. He used to call me at 1 a.m. but stopped doing that - or does it on a Friday/Sat night when I don't have to get up. But then he'll call at like 8 a.m. It's like dude, what is your deal? lol Not like we talk about anything very important. Idle chat. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't call me for a few days ... then I can come up with better conversation. But then I'm sure I would worry and think he was blowing me off. Well, at least I know we have another month and some odd days of this idle chat. Changing plans like we have for the night he arrives. First was dinner and then he'd find a hotel. Then it was dinner and just stay with me for the night. Then it was dinner and a movie and stay with me. Then it was just dinner and going to the casino. Then dinner and shopping. I'm not worried with fireman. I feel comfortable? Secure with him. He's the type of relationship I want ... isn't that odd? But ... still I don't feel I can committ because of him being away, the phone doesn't cut it. Seeing him again, after four months, I don't know how I'll feel?? I know we slept together already, but it'll take a little bit to get used to the face, though I know the man, but him in real time, there in front of me. That takes time to get used to.... I feel odd because he seems okay with it and seems ready to jump into a relationship so easy. Then again, I figure you know first date, first time meeting we had sex. So why would this time be any different? I think emotions will get in the way if anything. We know a lot about each other, maybe it'll make it better? I don't know. It's kind of scary and exciting. I like him. But .... Hm. Yeah. Confused. Anyway I'm still not okay with my dead fish fiasco yesterday I feel nauseous about it and that I probably killed that fish somehow. I'm not good at removing dead things. I'm going to have to go buy some new fish cause now I have two small fish - very small ones - that have this big ass tank. The one is more than a year old! Yay for him, he's seen a lot of death in that tank. Oh well work guy emailed and I'm not going to go buy tickets prior to seeing that movie. We'll just go get them as he said we'd go at 9 - ish? I want to say it's opening night for a movie we have to go early dummy. But whatever. Maybe I can lure him to my place and ..... hmmm...... This week has gone by so fast! Fuck tomorrow is already Thursday! Yay. I still want to ask him if this means we're still hanging out on Sat. at his place. I would think so? Still, it'll be nice to see him again, hopefully. Secret smiles and looks again at work. I love that. 9:16 a.m. - 2005-10-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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