sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary

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whatever

Work guy said the sweetest thing to me. Something unexpected.

See at work they emailed out an invite to the Holiday Party for Christmas. I emailed work guy and said, "this brings back memories, yuck." Cause I went to that last year with my ex .... Work guy went to it too at that point.

So he emailed back, "That was the past and we're living in the NOW, we'll make new memories."

*Thud* What a sweet thing to say. I was taken aback by such a small thing he did. Wow.

Anyway I had a trying day yesterday cause my fucking favorite fish is like dying! It's been swimming sideways and yet is STILL ALIVE. It's like I'm waiting for it to die cause it looks like it's ... like crippled? I don't know what happend to him. It makes me sad I've had him so long - a year and more. I guess it's not that upsetting, maybe disappointing?

My mom had me listen to this song on the wedding cd we got at my friends wedding. Called "where have you been" by Kathy Mattea. I fucking CRIED my eyes out.

Here are the lyrics:

Claire had all but given up
When she and Edwin fell in love
She touched his face and shook her head
In disbelief she sighed and said
In many dreams I've held you near
Now at last you're really here

Chorus
Where have you been?
I've looked for you for ever and a day
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away

He asked her for her hand for life
Then she became a salesman's wife
He was home each night by 8
But one stormy evening he was late
Her frightened tears fell to the floor
Until his key turned in the door

Where have you been?
I've looked for you for ever and a day
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away

They'd never spent a night apart
For 60 yrs she heard him snore
Now they're in a hospital
In seperate beds on different floors

Claire soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family
She never spoke a word again
Then one day they wheeled him in
He held her hand and stroked her hair
In a fragile voice she said

Where have you been
I've searched for you forever and a day
Where have you been
Im just not myself when your away
Im just not myself when your away

Needless to say, I was trying not to cry at the end of the song, but ended up crying over the pierogies I was making, thinking fuck why is this song on a wedding cd cause it's just heart breakin'!

*Sniff* I get emotional just reading the lyrics. I guess cause that's how you kind of feel when you find that someone, the chorus...whatever.

Also heard about that job I'm going for - the girl who I want to get it - is going out to "test" out the job next week. I hope she likes it, then I can take HER job.

I told my sister how I didn't want to work with work guy cause I was scared it'd make us grow apart? My sister was like ... I'm sure you'd work it out....

Still I'm not feeling like throwing such a kink into us, not that we'd exactly break it off, but still I don't like working with guys I date - learned the hard way.

Anyway, it's still odd when he told me how I looked so uncomfortable at that party. Then he talked about the last party I went to w/ my ex - his going away party. Work guy said I looked so unhappy and was acting weriod. He said he couldn't believe my ex just left me there as he went to talk to others ....

I told work guy, that was basically the end of the relationship. I was depressed. I told work guy that was the night that I looked at him and wondered what would've happend if I had dated him back then.

So I don't know, I think maybe I've always liked him, in some way. He doesn't seem to recall when he liked me, though the woman that worked with him said "he's always liked you Jen."

Anyway, today we're going to an art gallery thing and then to lunch/dinner. I'm picking him up cause his car is pretty bad and the place we're going isn't to big boat car friendly. Plus it's about 10 mins away from him. I didn't think he'd go for that idea, but he did and was excited about it.

He's going to buy a new car before Christmas cause the car he has now used to be his dad's and is this big fucking station wagon from the early 80's. It's a monster car. He got the house in the divorce, she got the car. So he took his dad's car and fixed it up - yes this boy is a handyman and car fixer. Two pluses right there, reminds me of my father.

So I'm picking him up around noon time. I'm going to go out and clean up my car since it's so dusty inside and prior to picking him up. I wonder if when I bring him home, if he'll ask me in? That'll be awkward to say the least, but I wouldn't mind kissing him, more than this peck stuff.

Not pressuring him, but really how long can you go on pecks? Come on, that's like first date stuff. I just wanna be kissed. I'm in the mood to adore.

But I respect the boy not to pressure, not to insist. I won't say anything, but sure as heck will get that nervousness when it's time for a peck or a hug or whatever.

9:23 a.m. - 2005-11-12

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