sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can't wait It's been very ODD at work this week. Just like, I'm actually busy and not able to update my diary as I'd like. This will change next week when it's back to normal. So no word from WG about Thanksgiving and if he'll come over, though I think it's kind of set anyway because he said he wanted to spend time with me. Though planning on where and when seems to be an issue. Pooks called kinda late last night and we talked on the phone for an hour. He's so fucked up. He made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to throw up. So then I couldn't get back to sleep and tossed and turned all night. That sucked. I chatted with some guy on online, not sure what about me - my picture - myself says that I'm a whore. That I sleep around, etc. This man is married, my DAD's age and his daughters are MY AGE. It's like...odd to me and upsetting that a man would do this, and feel this is something fairly common. And thinking of myself, I see if I ever get married, wondering if I'll cheat? It's so tempting. I think I have a guys libido because I love to mess around. So I had this 55 yr old asking to meet up and then a 32 year old asking to be friends with benefits. I sat there thinking, if I wanted to, I could have a whole harem of men at my call if I ever get horny. But what does this say about me? I'd rather have my relationship with WG. But wish on some level I could have least a lovar on the side where I could mess around - but not emotionally - just sex. I asked the 55-year old what he tells himself that makes him think that it's "Okay" to cheat on his wife, who doesn't know. He said that he enjoys the touch of other ladies and has greater needs. I say he just wants to take a taste of a lot of women, etc. He thinks I should be that way too and to me, I wanted to say I already have a daddy. Though the bad part kept thinking of the things, if I did that, I could get from him as he seems to be VERY well off. The devil tempts us everywhere, testing all the time. Still I can't but help feel like WG will never want to ever sleep with me. We talk about it and he flirts about it, but sometimes in my whorey ways it's not fast enough. I need to chill out I think. I don't know WHAT is going on. I'm just extra horny this week? I know my birth control pill is LESS this week - less estrogen, so maybe my drive is increased due to that?? I don't know, but a friend said I should make a move on WG ... and I'm contemplating this ... but not sure yet if I'll ACT on it. Okay so tonight going to go grocery shopping w/ sister. Tomorrow I'll hit the gym after work. Erm. God today I got into work at 8:30 and didn't peel my ass out of my seat until just now when I left work at 1:00. Ugk. People are so nutty this week. I feel nutty myself. I also bought a new vibrator last night. Impulse buy I guess...ha. It's funny to buy stuff like that...for ME. I wonder if I DIE who'll find my toys and what'll they think? Way to go Jen? I guess it's good I'm intune with my body. But still I'm thinking about tossing out my other vib .. the jack rab bit ... I got the metal looking one and it sucks. It turns off at BAD times (though maybe it's the batteries??) ... and I don't like how large it is. The new one I bought is smaller and waterproof. I'm all excited about getting new things and stuff. Argh, I chalk this up to being a LATE LATE LATE bloomer and never trying anything sexually until a year ago? Now it's like I'm curious and want to try out different men, but morally I know....that's wrong....but just who makes up these rules? Argh....I know....this must be my hormones talking. Next week I go on yet another lower dose of estrogen. I figure I ought to be CLIMBING THE FUCING WALLS by then. I always get super duper horny right before my period. So....mannn if I'm like this now...next week....fuck!!! I wish my libido would calm down and just relax so I could be like the stereotypical girl and not want it so much. I think that'd save me a lot of time and worry with upsetting me and WG. I adore my WG, but I have NEEDS TOOO!!!! lol I dunno. I can't wait to see him again....hmm....I keep hoping the next time will finally be IT with kissing and stuff. Last time I swear he got more brave with a lot of stuff, LIKE really stepped up. So I feel that it's coming and I feel like maybe he's starting to really feel it tooooo it's just making the next step that is scary to do...but fuck you know when that's taken, it's just the beginning of the end....oooh yeah. I can't wait. 1:19 p.m. - 2005-11-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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