sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- forever with him Ughhh shopping days....whoa I shopppeddd....so much today. Didn't really spend a lot, I mean just got Christmas stuff. Bought my sister lunch. Erm...my apartment is decorated for Christmas and looks cute. WG did call me, after work, and I wasn't home so I gave him a call. We talked for a long time, maybe 2 to 3 hours. And it's odd and great and still I feel scared. I told him that I've never dated anyone like him. And he got smug and I said, don't get all flattered ... er ... nevermind. He wants me to meet his parents, but only when I'm ready. He seems to be TRYING to ask me something, or maybe asking me to meet them during Christmas? Something? Cause he kept getting nervous. Beginning with, yeah I talked to my mom about you ... um...and.... Conversation would change then. But he said for me to let him know when I'm ready to meet his folks. I said I'll NEVER be ready cause I've never met parents before. So I feel odd, like just WHEN do you meet parents? How does this work? So I just kind of said, well you tell me when and he said we'd talk about it tomorrow. We also talked about my ex ... and I said a lot of things that has been on my mind. We talked about us. We talked about a lot of things. He's just very good to me and I try to be just as good to him. I think he knows I'm very flighty in my thought patterns and sorry, am still getting over the hurt from my last relationship(s). I'm the unstable one, the one he has to say, look it's in the past, and I'm not here to judge you, you're a nice girl. He's the type that would bend over backwards for you, and suddenly I think he's maybe moved to a different level with me, somehow, maybe now, we can kiss. I feel it finally, that we've reached a certain point. Even on the phone, I think...yeah. We're suddenly on the move again. Tomorrow we're going to spend the day together. Hit the bookstore, my apartment (another fish is dying), make him string up some lights for me, then dinner? then we're going to see some outsdoor light festival (you have to stay in your car) ... then????? Probably back to his place and watch a movay? I don't know. I pray he makes the move, some move tomorrow. Something. Right now I'm needing it, cause suddenly I feel slightly depressed about my past and feeling hurt - maybe letting myself finally feel this hurt that I just brushed away. Suddenly I'm getting over something I was over before. Now just getting over being hurt and now moving on ... and hoping to not get hurt. Not be afraid of the love this man is offering up. And times like this, is when I can tell fireman to never call me again. I know, as my friend says, that I will have to eventually tell fireman that I've fallen in love. I haven't yet. But maybe this is where the fear is hitting. WG saying how meeting the parents is a big thing. Suddenly. It's there. In the waiting, in the asking, it's there and suddenly I'm the fearful one. Don't hurt me, don't hate me, but I'm afraid a lot now. Lord, I feel like, can this boy be the one? Never been treated as he treats me and the way he looks at me, it's that ... that I swear sometimes it just feels like forever with him. 11:15 p.m. - 2005-11-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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