sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- smooth me over. My boy makes me laugh. He called last night cause yesterday I got somewhat mad because his team partner blabbed even *before* our first date - to people here where I work about us dating. Still, my whole thing about making out, kissing, affection is where I think he ... was hurt. But he said at least I'm open and can talk about it and that I can express myself. I think I do that just a bit TO well. And I was quiet about it, didn't want to talk about it. Now feeling like he's feeling like he's going to try and finally he's now going a lil' flirty and a lil sexual flirty with me. Oddness to hear from this sweet boy now turning or turned due to my ...whateverness. But we both agreed upon how much we like each other, and most of all have such good times. We decided to trade presents this year too - of course. And he's giddy about what he's going to get me - and asked if I wanted a hint and I said nooo. Now I'm slightly worried what to get my boy. My sister said to get him a watch - as he doesnt' wear one - and then he could think of me when he wears it. Not sure if he'd wear it though? We're going to do some Christmas shopping this week too - which is fun. Then back to my place for my frozen left overs (the lasagna I made him and chili from the cookoff) ... and then watch movays. At my place - I think it'll be the time for kisses. After last time, now, I think he's going to make the moves merely because it's time. I feel nervous about it, and then not nervous. It's weriod to kiss someone new, that I know so well. I know I'll fuck up and do something dumb as I always do. Another thing that might throw a kink into our weekend together - I have a sore throat and my ears hurt. Yes. Am I getting a cold? Not sure, but I'm going to take it easy now. I'm praying it's just a sore throat from the air being so dry. So I'm doing vitamin c and just took some pills for sinus. Anyway I got a pic of my guy - from work - and showed my parents - they both think he's cute and looks like a great guy. Lord. Everyone loves him already, even I think my Pooks, my sister really likes him. Her fiance is getting jealous at all the attention my boy has gotten. Ha. Everyone's happy right now. I guess in some way. I never expected to have someone so soon again. Though I never even thought about being alone during the holidays, it didn't occur to me until only a few weeks ago. Me and WG are spending Christmas Eve together - he's going to make me dinner, we're going to watch some Christmas movays and then at midnight trade Christmas presents. How mushy we are. But we both get overly excited about the lil things, such as trading presents, cooking or simply anything. Maybe that's what is so great about us. We're nearly perfect in a lot of ways. And he thinks I should write again, try to sell it or whatever. Hm. I guess it's good he wants me to better myself, do the things I love. But I find myself the pessimist when it comes to this type of thing. My attitude is "why bother?" I think I'd rather paint, draw, whatever than write. At least I could sell those things. My writing, on the other hand, has no market, I am confused in thinking a lot, and dry on creativity anymore. Would it be worth it? Still! I can't help but wonder what type of kisser my WG is. Last time, it was kinda passionate/odd type of kiss that stopped me in my boots for a moment. He's not a light kisser either - which I really like. I hate when guys are "careful" with you. He certainly isn't and I'm wondering if this boy is as adventurous at me - not that I've done a lot, but I dabbled in roughness before - which I really like. I wonder if he's such as that. I can see him getting very worked up ... and being like that. He has the gleam sometimes in his eyes when he gets upset about something. Ooh. I shouldn't think about these things now, but I see more passion in him than with my ex. My ex was sort of boring when it came to fucking around. It was always the same. I'm not falling into that same thing, I hope again. All I ever did w/ my ex was just do blow jobs. Granted I think I've become well versed in doing that from months of practice...and then once with cop. I don't want to do that all the time again - once in a while is okay...but before, yuck. I started to get sick to my stomach doing it. Anyway, lord it's odd to think about these things. I kind of lost my "drive" this week. Which is odd in itself - because usually I'm raring. Also fireman comes home in 21 days now. I'm still odd about what to do about him. To fuck around or not? I think I'm seriously falling for WG, but still fireman is there tempting me - like it's a different side of me, a different personality/person I am with him. I simply want to be bad with him, he brings that out in me. Which is bad, and as pooks asked me, what are you going to do when you're married? Because I'm sorry, you and WG ARE COMMITTED even if the words aren't said, you ARE. He's your boyfriend Jen.... Fuck pooks even says these things, hell must've frozen over. My pooks who is a whore and relationship fiend - will fuck over anyone, sudden has a conscience and suddenly isn't daring me on. He says I have hot pants. Maybe I do. Argh. I dont' know. I will see how I am with fireman. I dont' know how I'll be, I think I'll know at the moment. Dont' judge me. Still, people. I'm upset about work. This lady didn't want this job where WG is - so now it's open and the hiring person won't even give me a chance. I know he won't and I just want to scream. I want to go to HR and the publisher and say why when I have the experience? I'm going to wait to see what happens and then go to a friend/boss here and ask what I should do. I don't mind burning bridges with him, I would love, adore to have this asshole SWEAT about fucking ME over yet again. Sometimes, just sometimes, it really is good to be the cold bitch that all of us women have inside. Hidden, and kept at bay. Fuck him and his politeness to me, don't try to smooth me over. 9:43 a.m. - 2005-12-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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