sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- longer locks Okay day 2? 3? On period from HELL. The tricky bitch is playing game suddenly with ha ha ha I'm slowing down! Then suddenly turning on the faucet to a gusher. Cramps abound, headaches, feeling bloated. Lovely! I'm a ball of joy, let me tell you. Actually I'm in an okay mood still. Yesterday after lunch I feel horrid. Not sure why - I took a multi-vitamin and maybe that caused my sickness - I got grumpy and had a flushed face. I left work very late, went home and blah, made soup and attempted to put money on my credit card. My parents gave me $1,300 for Christmas. Half of it is going on my $900 credit card. The rest into savings. I'm contemplating getting my nails done today. Tomorrow I get my hair done ($100!!) and then not sure what other incoming costs I have other than food/gas. I think I'm done with my Christmas shopping - albeit I still have to get movie tickets for my boss and sister (think $40 bucks) ... and then I'm done. Oh well, I really have a horrid headache so I'll keep this posting short. I'm going on Monday to meet with this college about getting a paralegal degree. I know, so quick huh? I saw it yesterday in a mass mailing and the person called me last night. I figured, I always loved law, and it's a change. However when I told my mom she already is trying to talk me out of it saying I don't have the money to go back, etc. It's only an associates degree and my credits from my bachelors will transfer over, so who knows how many courses I will need for this. I'm going Monday just to get info - not to sign up - I told the guy about how I just needed info. This man, was a cop - for 11 years before he broke his back and now is simply a counselor for this college. He sounds...yeow...I really hate that I have a thing for uniformed men. Even though he's not anymore, still ... lol I'm not going for that ... but am interested to see how much this would cost, etc. If it's worth it. I don't want to jump into that, hate it and be like oh great I just fucked up my life yet AGAIN. Still, I am mildly upset my mom cannot support me on things that I simply might want to do. I'm just going for info and she acts like I'm going for real ... like I'm signing up. Sorry ... but I know I'm not rich, and I know courses aren't cheap. But I feel like my job here is dead end, how long do I have to work before I get a break? Whereas if I did the paralegal thing, with my background, I could very well start at $34,000. And actually be DOING SOMETHING that I like to do ... not sitting here bored, drawing boxes all day, playing mommy to all the GA's here. They aren't going to give me a chance I feel... Either I do that or wait and wait until I can move ... someplace else. Or yeah. Get KNOCKED UP and be a stay at home...person and ... yeah NO. I just don't want that. I want kids, but not to be a stay at home mom. Sorry, I didn't go to college to sit on my ass all day, though isn't that what I do now? Sit on my ass, yell at people for not getting their ads in on time? Mama Jen. Regardless, argh. WG hasnt' emailed me back. I really hate when he does that, especially since I sent a sweet email and then nothing. WTF? I know I shouldn't fret. The boy, I realize, does love me in some odd way and is forgiving - of all my stupidity whenever I say to much. I'm slowly letting that go ... the fear of him leaving ... slowly I know that he won't be that easy to shake off. Not when we've made so many plans and the future seems like it's ours just for the taking. Meeting the parents, etc. It's serious and yes, we're committed now. And I know, I'm falling for him when I think of him so much and yes with a smile and yes I tell others how wonderful he is. I realized it today, just how wonderful he's been to me with understanding, care, love. So *sigh* I wish he'd email me back, but I'm not as looney as before with this. Still odd of my epiphany when I had to say, finally admitt ... to a stranger that I had a boyfriend. Still shocked ... don't know why, as I didn't think it'd be this fast, and never thought I'd find someone again that would be relationship worthy. Ugh anyway, I am still contemplating getting my fake nails put back on. Then only going once a month for them - ala $30 bucks. I also can't wait to get my hair cut as it's strangely had a growth spurt. It's funny since I had it all the way up to my ears for so long, and now it's on my shoulders. When did this happen? I like it though, I dislike my hair so short. I look younger and prettier with longer locks. 10:12 a.m. - 2005-12-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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