sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I suppose I'm having strange dreams again. Not sure what it all means anymore. Or why suddenly I'm having odd dreams like every other night. My tarot reader said to look to my dreams for answers, but I don't see the connections in any shape or form to the questions I've been asking. So I kept waking up last night. See ... I did a stupid thing. I put on my new heating blanket (I don't really like heating blankets to begin with) and while I was plugging it in under my bed, I sort of pushed the grate on my heater cause it looked odd. I flipped on my heating blanket - sort of liked the heat - like when I got up to the bathroom and came back to an equally warm bed as before I got up. I fell asleep and then woke up to this whiring sound. It was annoying to say the least. So I got up and thought it was maybe something on my night stand ... nope. I thought maybe it was something in my living room ... nope. So I stood in the dark in my room listening and realized it was my fucking annoying heater. Somehow me shifting the grate, made it vibrate and make a horrid noise. Think *rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* but loud. *RRRRRRRR* So I shifted the grate in the dark, and the fucking thing fell off half way *RRRRRRRRRR****rrrr** And then CLANG CLANG CLANG. WTF!!!! I was really pissed off. So I pushed it back and the sound softened and stopped. I heard it a lil before I went to sleep, but it stopped and I haven't heard it since. My heater in my room makes so many noises. I think that's what wakes me up sometimes. The clicking or rapping from it. It's just fucking annoying. I am slightly worried that when WG spends the night that thing will act up and me will be trying to fix it at 2 a.m. - trying to be quiet - WG would prob. sleep through it ... and then wake up to me pushing on a fucking grate .. "Jen what are you doing.....?" I know. I'm slightly psycho this week. Today I'm a lil off and kinda okay/happy/non-depressed. I went to the gym yesterday and realized how my body had forgotten that it once could do the elliptical for 45 minutes. I only did it for 30 mins and lifted only one set of weights for my shoulders. I bought a pilates DVD and am going to start that. I went grocery shopping and tried to buy "healthy" food. So my New Years menu is basically a cheese ball, spinanch dip with hawaiian bread (tempted to open it tonight and eat some) and some mini weenies wrapped in crossiant - and baked. Then of course we have wine, beer and some other booze. I'm praying the boy brings SOMETHING. I bought WW ice cream bars at least. He usually brings over wine, or whatever. Tonight I get my hair done ($110) - which is hair cut, hi-lights, lo-lights. And my boyfriends $60 GC will cut down the costs ... yay. Then next week I have to get my nails done. I want to visit my parents too - maybe next weekend. I need a nice lil vacation away I think. Get away from boyfriend - a weekend off - absense makes the heart grow fonder, etc. I think I'll take Monday off....leave Friday after work or something. I also have to clean up my apt. tonight. Not that it's ratty, but since WG will be spending the night - I want to clean up my bathroom and use my new vaccume cleaner (has hush mode! Is bag less too!) I also need to finish off the fettuccine he made for me and wash out his bowl ... take out the trash. Have been thinking about Fireman and why he hasnt' called me - a week now - granted he's on vacation with his son ... he could still take out time to call. So now, I'm done, completely with him. I just want my DVD I loaned him back. Nothing else. I also took my answering machine out of my bedroom last night. I didn't rehook it up. I don't need it...not that I get a lot of calls on it....people who call know I have a cell....so whatever. I'm going to look for a cordless phone with an answering machine in it ... but in no hurry. I'll also get my internet back tomorrow - my sister is going to head over to my place to make sure she's there when the fucker comes. At least they are giving me credits for the days that it hasn't been in use. Which is like 9 days or something by now. Eh. Other than this. I feel better ... about a lot of things. I prayed to God to help me deal/get over/guide me with my past stupidity and I think has shown me a lot. Esp. with fireman not calling me at all. Not one bit, in that, it shows me a lot ... it shows me to put that boy on my ignore list and not answer the phone at 2 a.m. anymore. Go away. So far, morally, since my epiphany ... now ... I feel like letting it all go and on Jan. 1 just starting anew in all areas ... a new slate ... clean slate .... I still need to ask God for forgiveness, yes I've sinned and before I always thought I'd go to heaven merely on being a nice girl. I haven't been nice this past year and realize it and need forgiveness, repent, etc. Eh I'm not religious, but I know when I've done wrong. So okay. Yeah, now is the nitty gritty time of working on myself once again. Two months to slim down to fit in a dress ... that I've yet to try on. Dig out my girdle and pray for the best. The woman told me already they would have to take in the top of the dress and I think the waist too ... something. The other bridesmaid had to have her dress - a pattern made for her as she fell out of the size range. That sucks. I was worried I would too, but I didn't. Though I wear a size 24 ... suddenly my dress was a 28 or a 32!?!??! I was like WHAT?! I guess it was my thighs that did it in for me. My top is like a size 20 and my waist was a whatever ... that sucks. Fucking dress makers make me feel like a freak. So whatever. Okay I have to get back to work. I dread spending 2 hours at the salon tonight. Yes, it does take THAT long. But the results are fantastic, the girl does my hair right, though, it's costly. I know one day I'll have to ... cut back (no pun intended) on it .. and just go in for a hair cut ... no more streaks ;( ..... Guilty pleasure huh. I'm young enough, not married and able to do this for now I suppose. 10:23 a.m. - 2005-12-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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