sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- know. I put some of my entries into my private folder. Not a lot, but some where I feel others shouldn't read it - meaning it could fall into the wrong hands. Right now, things are going unbelieveably (sp?) well with WG/boyfriend. Yesterday I helped plan my sisters bridal shower - and we looked at the place it'll be at. The other brides maid just loved it, as did my sister. It's at my apt. complex club house. Very new and very spacious and very nice. We figure around 25 to 30 people. It's a beach theme as well. I am making her invites and table cards for the wedding. I feel like I have very little time to accomplish all these things and saddly, my credit card is being eaten alive once more. I am going to attempt at all costs, not to use it. But that in itself is very hard since most of the things I need, need to be ordered from the internet. Yikes ;( I ordered my shoes for the wedding - $50 bucks. Yikes. I will have them dyed the dress color. THEN after that, have them dyed black so I can wear them elsewhere.
I gained 3 lbs by the way. Which could be water weight as I am bloated. Also found out through my sister/internet - cause I was wondering just how you can have sex while on the placebo white pill/birth control ....and sister said there is so so SO much birth control in your system, that you're covered for that time. Also finding out that you just dont' ovulate while on BC. Me ... "oh" I didn't know this, but figured it good information for later escapades - not that I have sex while on my period - but mine ends pretty fast now and I have three days of no period, nothing. Okay ... sorry. SO I made dinner yesterday - ribs and potato au gratin. It was pretty good - WG had a stomach-ache and I gave him some immodium and some pop. My sister/fiance came over and they also liked the meal. It was a good time, I sort of kicked her out due to a conversation me and WG had prior. Well we were in such a great mood and talking easily and yeah. We joked around and he touched my boob (ha) and I kind of was like WTF and pulled away. I explained my theory to him of how he hasn't messed around in so long, that he has to get used to it again, however he's doing very well. We hugged a lot yesterday and a lot of lil' kisses. It was kind of odd, thrilling, me feeling: finally! So naturally I wanted to scoot my sister out of there pretty fast as he wasn't going to stay long as tomorrow was work. And I felt like perhaps we wanted a lil kissy face time. Soooo yeah. Round 2 of "making out." We ended up laughing and I was as red as a beet (he said) .... I told him that he has to chill out on the whole tongue thing. So we attempted a few times and I ended up laughing or he did. I was embarassed and he said he thinks that we both like each other so much, that we're very nervous. I said, I think I made to much of a big deal of it..... He said, no, that we should talk about things like this. So I said, well we have forever, there is no hurry and he raised up his arms and said FINALLY, yes, I agree. Ha. But we tried again, and every time I felt awkard because I kept thinking when is that tongue going to come out? So I'd laugh nervously while kissing him ... I pulled away the last time and said what is wrong with us? It's not like we haven't done this before in our lives. He said...we'd work on it, get it one day, but just needed to really RELAX. I told him straight up ... that I just do not know when he's making a move - as he said he tried again the other night. I said...with me ... I need something, a hint. I can't go by a look or whatever, I told him I was afraid I was moving to fast. He said I'm not. He asked if I wanted to make all the moves...I said....I can't .... not at first. SO we both laughed about it cause we both feel overly nervous, yet I guess it's good we can talk about it. I think my issue is not wanting to go to far....as in how long to kiss him. I seem to freak out - I think because I know he wants to take this slowly ... and I feel like ... ARGH. ANYWAY! Tables were turned when he left. He said, that he felt like we were on the verge of "it" ... I wasn't sure what "it" meant .... I think he's talking intimacy. I felt weriod talking about that suddenly...with him. He said he feels like we're on the brink ... and I'm wondering if he's talking sex or just messing around? He said, yup one night we'll come back to my place for dinner and end up in the bedroom. Umm? I was like.... oh.... ha ha.... *ahem* .... lol I think the boy has found a lil' of that libido. So that is SURREAL to hear that from him, when I pegged him for asexual. I think he's been holding back, something...? I don't know. Also ... found out my ex asked about us. My WG said we're going good and my ex said that he was happy for both of us ...but "more happy for him." Whatever, what an ass. I guess his lil' "relationship" isn't going to hot. I told my mom and she thought that he might try to mess us up. I don't see him doing that. He did tell my WG that I was a "good/nice girl, and the only reason we broke up was due to age difference." I said...ha no. I told my WG that'd I'd always hate him for what he did to me. ANYWAY Today is WG and my 3 month anniversary. Aw. We're going out for pizza. Then that's it....we have to keep work day dates to only a few hours. Though WG says he doesn't get how our dates go by so fast...he said it's like he gets to my place and then leaves to quick. He asked his friend what that means and he said....uh ohhh... that's a good sign....he said "you're almost there." Wtf does that mean? I don't know. I need to chill a lil with my boy. I seem to get overly nervous about kissing him, but I did this with my ex too. I mean entirely the same things, to many laughs, etc. I guess I need to relax, I know I do. I guess I'm still holding a piece of myself with this, hard to let it go, let myself go. He plans to spend the night Sat. night. Hm. I wish we could make out in my bed - not for sex - but for comfort sake. Hm. hm. hm. I don't know, but what an ODD turn of events for us. We are on the move again. I just wish I could chill out and soak it up and just do. I just seem to overthing, analyze and get nervous about. I guess he is right, we both like each other a lot, and I think in that, that's where the nerves come, that's where I put so much weight on that part of the relationship from the beginning. Wanting this, so bad, it's here and I've got cold feet. WTF? Worried that he'll treat me like the others? That we'll just turn into a sexual relationship? I don't know. 11:13 a.m. - 2006-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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