sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to do. OKAY I paid for my Gold Membership - a year *groan* at $31 dollarz with 10,000 banners. Kinda hard...uh .. having 10,000 banners when you're trying not to be found. However I shall still use my banners cuz there is nothing recently that I'm ashamed of. I've locked those pages. Ha. Besides I'm on good behavior, nice Jen. How I ought to be. I'm coolio. However am going to also start posting pics on my diary. I mean I have GOLD and all that space going to waste. I'll take a note from AppleRobot and use Flicker and post pics and shit .... I'll post a pic of WG! Erm....that is whenever I get the time to do it. I have one on my computer ... yeah. I also calmed down about the whole GYM thing. I was livid this morning about it. But in finding there is nothing I can do about it there is no point hanging on to it. I figured, okay go to their exercise classes, though I despise having someone gawkin' at me, I figure if I opt for the corner of the room the small wall from window to DOOR. No one can see me. Muh ha ha ha. Oh well. So far I'm doing pretty good w/o my caff. --- withdrawal - the whole thing. I feel pretty okay. Today I see WG and hopefully he'll be like "Jen. You're all calm and normal." It was odd to see that lady flip out on the phone with me yesterday, it was like...lord I get like that? Man alive, no wonder people thinking I'm mental. I mean seriously. That epiphany took me back, and now I'm like I hope I'm not like that a lot...cuz that's a lot to put up with. That you shouldn't need to be putting up with........ However, I doubt that to happen. He was sorta cute today when I'm emailing and flippin' out about my sisters bridal shower - and he emails back that he'll go w/ me ... help me ... "be there for you." Aw. So tonight I'll start that ball rollin'. Also hap - happ - happy my mom is sending me $200 bucks for the shower. I really needed that - that $200 is going on visa. Due to A: $60 in invitate (software to make the cards and 50 cards) ... then figure in food, cd gift favors, decor ... $75 for room rental ... yeah. $200 already spent! It sucks arse. I got my shoes - and will dye them where I ordered my dress ($14) and I also have to pay for the remaining of my dress ($100?) ... lord! And then I'm making her table cards, making the booklet for the cememony ... uh monograms for the centerpieces .... Lord my work feels never to be done. Not to mention - will I be BUYING the centerpieces for the bridal shower? LORD HELP ME. This is all money I do not have to blow right now ............. I feel sort of bad taking monay from my parents, but happy at the same time as this wedding is costing me quite a lot of money in itself :( and it's not even ME getting married. Anyway, tomorrow is going to be crazy too. Sunday is my only SANE day. Cleaning and going to the gym.... Argh. Okay ..... my diet/exercise has been going okay. Nix the chili dogs I'm making for WG tonight - the chili from the chili cookoff has been in my freezer since Nov? I think it's time it's finally put to use before I have to toss it out. And what fattier thing to make than cheez dogs! Yay me....*groan* it sounded good at the time. I also am hitting the GYN next week. Whenever I can at least. Not sure if I should change my pill. Am going to inquire about if I can have sex while on the pill and not use a condom. Erm. I will say, I am eagerly awaiting my next period for certain reasons..........as last time was very ODD. Erm. Anyway ... my stomach feels bloated today. I'm tired of this odd bloating shit going on. I don't know why I keep getting it so badly. I can tell in my legs, etc. .... Makes me fume and say, back to the gym for real now. My shoes for the wedding are high heeled - thin heel ... which look very nice on ... however I don't think I'll be walking A. to fast B. dancing in or C. standing near my short WG in . So I'm going to buy a pair of slippers cause if I wear heels, I'll be even TALLER than WG. I'm already about an inch or less taller - it's hard to tell if we're not standing next to each other - we look the same height. My midget boy. I need to buy him some risers. Some boots, something. I need to saw off my heels. Lovely heels. *Sigh* At least I have slim ankles. Most fat girls have those thick, disgusting ankles - upside down legs. However I was blessed with slim hands/feet/med. boned. Not big boned like my sister. So at least I have that going for me. Not to mention my ring finger - I just found out after trying on my mom's new ring - is a size 7. Yay. That means I can go to any ol' display case and buy a ring outright w/o resizing - or so said the jeweler who said they make rings in size 7's as that is the typical size. Not like I'm expectin' a ring anytime soon. Still baffled by WG and on the verge comments, maybe he wants to tell me he loves me or simply means that we're about to take off into intimacy. I've been gearing up for both. Intimacy, I'm trying to get used to - in my mind kissing him, doing things ... so the nervousness wears off and I can do it freely. I guess he is right when he says that when you truely care for someone that it'll be different. Not like my one night trists.....didn't mean much. But when I kiss him anymore, now it just feels right .... like home, like something. Odd, odd. I'm gearing up, wondering if tonight we'll try again, makin' out and suddenly we're hugging/holding more, so it's very fascinating to me. This boy gettin' used to it ... I say finally, but now not sure what to think or do. 2:53 p.m. - 2006-01-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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