sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- huh I'm in a sour mood today. Not sure why or what triggered it. Right now, someone at work keeps letting their phone beep. See when you're on a call and someone else calls, your phone makes a beep. So obviously someone must be trying to change their message or something and calling themselves as I hear ... *beep* .... *Beep* 5 seconds later *Beep* .... 3 minutes *beep* ... *beep* ..... I'm ready to go over there and say can't you fucking change your message in a PRIVATE room? I'm sure it's that bitch that laughs so loud, I could seriously hurle my stapler at her. Shut the fuck up this ain't no comedy club and there is nothing that funny to cackle at 5 times a day you fucking smoker. You can just hear the cancer growing in her lungs. Ugh. Sorry people, I really don't know why I'm so sour today. It's gray out and I'm rushing to Michigan to beat out a snow storm set for here. I gassed up this morning - and hit my tire hard on a curb. It scared me and I half way expected to find my rim in pieces, but it only got the tire edge - and it seems okay. I bent down listing for that all to familiar "ssssss" sound...yet nothing - just a scrap mark on the outside of the tire - a glaring 'you dumbass' mark. Regardless. I dropped off the invites I made at my sisters house. I was going to stamp them and send the out, but I don't have the monay to buy 3 booklets of stamps right now. It sort of makes me mad that I'm expected to buy all this stuff when it's just me working and I can barely make rent half the time - esp. now as $30 is taken from each check for my health ins. My sister has TWO incomes and she makes much more than me. I also feel a lil pissy with WG as I pay for dinner sometimes - and he'll use my INdemand cable to order movies as if it's free and not $3.99 a movie. Or I'll cook dinner and cook breakfast ... and go out and if it's "my turn" to pay, he'll let me pay. I really get pissed at that. We take MY car to drive everywhere, that's GAS right there and you can't buy me a fucking coffee at Starbucks? Sorry...I'm just upset because I just have no money right now and it's getting much worse it seems as my next check goes ENTIRELY to rent - and THEN some because it's $615 and my check is probably $550 or something because of the money taken out for my gym AND now the new insurance. So....that's like argh. And I have my cable bill - $75 to pay for. Nipsco is coming, phone is coming and so is cell phone bill. So my check after is already eaten up. I just am in a way that ... I can't save money. It's odd to say that, but with all the current bills ... I don't see how I can possibly save. Not to mention paying for my dress and other things....it's crazy. I feel ashamed that I'm hoping my parents give me some money when I leave on Monday. I hate to have them fund me, but I just feel crazy right now. Something has to give in my bills to aleve my costs. I'm thinking cable - in February I'm going to go to basic cable ... and sadly miss out on my fav. shows - Deadwood and the L-Word. Which is showtime AND hbo. I guess I ought to look into getting a cheater box again for my area. Not sure if it'll work 100% - and half heartedly I wish I still knew cop as he said he had a friend that could flip on cable for me - for free. Unless that was a lie. Still, I just feel upset in a major way about my costs suddenly. I dread March - the wedding month - god knows what else I'll be buying. I know I am going to have to start going to the gym 8 times a month to get my $40 back entirely. If I go 4 times I only get $20 back. Anyway I weighed this morning and am still at the same weight - not sure if that's good or not. My stomach fills so full and I'm feeling slightly worried as it's never felt like this before? I'm feeling like my grandma did with her ovarian cancer or something - full stomach and like it's growing though I'm sure that's all in my mind? Or else I'm just fretting about it all or obsessing about my stomach. I still have light stretch marks all over my body. I don't neccessarily think I've gained weight, but these marks make me wonder what the F is going on. I'm going to look up what stretch marks are the good ones. I know the darker ones are the bad ones? Mine aren't dark at all. Just light things. Yuck yuck yuck. Oh well mom made me mad this morning, I've repeatedly told her to NOT ask if Wg has called me. And she still does it! I hate when she asks cause then I start to wonder and worry just why he hasn't cause obviously he SHOULD'VE to my mom. Today was "did he call last night since you're leaving?" .... I said no...why would he? Of course not (said bitterly). I thought I told you not to ask if he's called? My mom was like..oh...well why does it matter? Rar. So I'm just pissy today. And tired of feeling so fat. I know it's up to me to change it all and I'm doing it in baby steps. Next week is the 3 day diet of hell - I read it's sort of a starvation diet ... only 1,000 cals a day or something. I dunno. We'll see huh. 9:06 a.m. - 2006-01-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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