sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- him I was thoroughly pissed off last night. So much so that I cried. And it often times takes a lot for me to get that frustrated to cry. My fucking sister, bitch, hasn't told me the songs for her shower favor - cd - that I have to create. I've been hounding for a week now. So I called three times last night. Finally she called back, began to read them and me - I hawked and moaned at her selections - cuz that's just how I am. I sighed and she said, well forget it, don't do it and hung up on me! I was pissed and tried to call back due to want of getting them DONE cause yes that's 30 cd's or MORE that I have to burn, then create stickers for, then inserts for ...etc. etc. So I tried to call back, her fiancee answers and I say let me speak to my sister and he hands her the phone and she hangs up again. I'm livid at this point because I HATE when people hang up on me. So I sign onto AOL and get an email from her w/ the rest of the songs on it. WTF. You're saying "don't do it" then you fucking email me the songs not 10 mins later??? So I shot back an email saying that she needs to grow up, that I feel like SHIT being sick and she treats me like THAT when I've been working so hard on it so she doesn't have to worry. Today I get an email saying she's stressed and that I SHOULD be doing everything so SHE doesn't stress. She misses my point ENTIRELY. I'm just asking for some GRATEFULNESS, some little THANK YOU. When I don't have the money nor time to be creating all this SHIT. When she waits until the last minute so I have to hurry up and FIX it all. When I'm using my APT to STORE all her shower SHIT ... yeah a one bedroom apt ... verses a HOUSE to STORE SHIT. My closet is full of shower SHIT. All I'm asking is a lil gratitude. And right now I feel SHIT on. I burst into tears last night thinking how when WG was over on Saturday I just sat there cutting up the CD covers, then cutting up the stickers for it ... then having him cut holes in the box for the envelopes for the shower. We're doing all this shit, during OUR TIME. During me when I'm sick as hell. FOR her, for someone who can't appreciate this. I told WG ... "you know when I get married, she won't be doing this." He said, yeah she will Jen ... I said, um no she can't design, she can't measure out and cut things perfectly ... or think of these ideas ... etc. He was quiet, he knew, I knew. I also said,, when I get married, to HELL with waiting until the WEEK BEFORE ... to do shit and still plan. Regardless my mom said that she called her last night and she was being weriod and probably taking out whatever on me as her fiancee's kid was over and she was "stressed." The only good thing is that I'm grateful to not have chosen a man who has NO kids ... sorry ... but her fiancee's kid is turning into a brat and a handful and is so costly for child support. Her fiancee will go to work and she'll have to take care of the kid. Or she'll pick up the kid or drop him off (think a 30 min drive) .... Sorry, but I couldn't deal with that. So I'm very upset, hurt and pissed still. I'm very upset at all the money I've burnt on this shower/wedding. It really really upsets me that my credit card is burnt up because of my bridemaid's gown ... It's going to be probably $300 when it's all done ... that includes my shoe dye. I'm just feeling like this work has been taken for granted. Last night, I was like FUCK THIS and stopped working on the stuff. Why should I care when she's being a bitch. AND folks, yes I have to next design her booklet for the wedding. Yeah. And I want to say, you know I feel like I've just about designed everything for this wedding. Sorry, but that's a lot of work to make invites, directions, cards for where she registered, designed stickers, cd inserts and cd sticker cover and now...a booklet ... oh and I'm supposed to also design directions to the place for her wedding invitations. So it's like...sorry that is very time consuming - printing and cutting out of things. I can't say how many hours I've spent on this wedding. I'm just sick and tired of it. And now feeling unvalued. OKay end of bitching .... I feel a lil better from my cold. It's up and down a lot, but each day I feel a lil better. I slept okay last night. WG didn't call or anything and I'm feeling slightly peeved at this lack of care. I know the whole expectations thing, but when he says we dont' spend enough time together, sometimes I feel like it's just something he feels like he should be saying, actions speak louder than words and sometimes I wonder if how I feel for him is greater than how he feels for me. Maybe I just need to see more from him as lately I feel like I'm doing all the work - he comes over and I'm there cooking for him or planning or whatever. It's like, we need to start doing stuff, I'm getting bored and tired of using up all my supplies for dinner - or why can't he bring over dinner ... or whatever? I get the feeling, that if he could, he could tell me what to do. Be one of those men who makes all the decisions. I'm very independent and won't cope with someone telling me how to live and what to do. Make this for dinner, do this for me. I see some of his father in him, how he treats me sometimes, he has expectations of his own. Nor will I deal with a man who expects me to cook, clean and wash clothes just because he does yard work. I like to do yard work too and sorry, it's 50/50. I know this is PMS talking. Which my period is going wacko. One day it's slightly heavy and like 'I'm here!' then later in the day it tappers and suddenly acting like it's leaving. Turning brownish and acting like it's going to go buh-bye. Right now I'm crampy and wondering what's happening. I know the pill I'm on is supposed to vastly cut down your period, but this is getting odd. Last month it was like this too, up's and down's but never really all the way heavy. Not like before where I had to change my tamp. every half hour. I don't even need tampons right now. So today I'm scattered to say the least. Pissed at my sister, feeling upset/odd with WG and wondering should I even TALK to the boy about these feelings or basically ask him just how he feels. I know it's my hormones, my cold meds, something. Today I'm going to just try to keep quiet cause I feel off the wall and sometimes keeping quiet will save me from future fights. Still, I'm hoping my sister just fucking understand and drops this whole fight and just fucking tells me what to do with these favors so I can get them done. My weekend is already packed. I just want to lay down and cry. I just want to return to having nothing to do except clean up my place be able to SAVE MONEY. Right now, I can't seem to. Right now my bank account is the lowest it's been since I moved in. I had $1,000 in savings ... how I think I have $500? Or $400 some. I get paid next week - but in that, I have to continue to live poor cause the next check goes entirely to rent. So I can maybe put $200 in savings and hope that nothing happens, only buy food and gas. Right now I need to gas up my car and buy groceries - and get out cash for this weekend. I'm starting to really get pissed at WG ... thinking about how often I cook at my place for him, use my car to go around in ... etc. Just what does he pay for? He makes MORE than me for fucks sake. It's just like my Ex. I'm hardly one to 'use' for money when I don't have any. Who's to blame??? Me or him? 9:15 a.m. - 2006-02-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||