sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fucking deja vu I'm doing a bit of research. Mostly on expectations. I try to live on the no expectations, no disappointment theory. However today I am running in circles with my notion. I'm sitting going through google looking up boyfriend expectations. It says in all these articles, about expectations. Then you find in a few the no expectations rule. I'm sitting here thinking, if you don't have exceptations, how the fuck do you know if you're getting walked all over, taken for granted? Treated like shit? I'm trying to understand it all I guess. Should I be pissed at WG for not calling me all week? I've been sick as fuck and he couldn't even call me to see how I am? No email? Just a meager, how are you feeling when I called up for an ad. Note I called up not him. So if I dont' EXPECT him to call me when I'm sick, then what am I doing? Letting him get away with bad basic behavior? Him not even COOKING for me when I WAS sick... what, I shouldn't have expected such a thing? Understand, with me it's the little things that count. I sat there thinking, am I being unreasonable? Because I figure I want to be treated how I treat others. And I know if HE were sick I would call him up and cook for him. Bring over groceries and make sure he has medicine. I just don't get it, but today I just feel HURT and if I didn't EXPECT, then what would I feel? Just neutral? Sorry, but the NO expectation rule, is bull shit. You can't do a relationship blindfolded and passive. I was sitting in my car getting all heated over this, thinking, you know he is treating me just LIKE MY EX. I feel taken for granted or something in that arena - no appreciation. Something like uncared for. I sat there fuming ... of him saying all his past girlfriends said he treated them SOoo great. I'm sitting there thinking ... when? I haven't seen that yet? I mean we're FRIENDS granted, but I don't FEEL he's treated me ANY different than before. I'm still the one driving HIM around, REACHING OUT TO HIM and PAYING FOR A LOT OF THINGS and mostly planning EVERYTHING. FUCKING. 2:26 p.m. - 2006-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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