sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- do-able I'm back from my rant from yesterday. I hate when I get like that. But it happens. I'm a girl. I told WG that he never once called me while I was sick. He said he didn't because he was really sick too and in the bathroom most of the time. To me, it's like whatever. To me, he couldn't said, well you didn't call me either. Telephone works in both ways. So I didn't say anything about the weekend, just saying he needs to bring over this card box he was supposed to drill holes into for me for my sisters shower. He said "I'll give it to you Friday." Oh. So now. All my Fridays are his? Is that a given? I still am feeling awkard to this boy. We need to sort of talk, I know he's trying to please me, and sometimes, I feel like I do expect a lot. He mailed yesterday saying what we'd do Friday, options at least. The same ol things. I just want an easy day, we're still both getting over colds. At least, I hope, he can kiss me on the lips. Though making out, I think might be to much. I had a thought yesterday while looking up boyfriend stuff on the net. One posting I saw was about asexual men. My WG isn't bad, seeing some of the posts about men. I think he's just shy, afraid and IS coming around - I feel he is. I think it's my fault partly when he expresses how "good" he is, and I saw "we'll see" ... I'm sure I've sort of freaked him out that I expect him to be good. I say if you say you're good, then you usually aren't. My new goal: start complimenting him on how "good" he is if he kisses me or whatever. Ego booster = feeling braver = easier to make da moves. But what struck me was how one person defined a "close intimate relationship." She described it as hugging, kissing, hand holding/arm around/cuddling, and most of all sleeping together (not sex) but simply sleeping next to each other. I felt 80% better after reading that, knowing that we do have a "close intimate relationship." So maybe that's a hurdle that I myself, have taken for granted and not really noticed. I never really noticed how such a biggie sleeping together in a non-sexual way is. I mean before I figured, what is the big deal? I figure it has something to do with being unconscious around someone you don't know THAT well. I find myself being able to sleep better with him now, I'll ask him to sleep over next weekend probably. I think it's waking up together. Sleeping, being there, something about the comfort level that is the intimacy. I do enjoy waking up and laying there listening to him sleep and knowing he's right there. Mine. Then when you realize how great he is, how everyone loves him and you realize ... he chose me, he wants only me. He's mine and I'm his ... but in a way flattered that out of everyone, you've got each other, chosen each other and that's just everything that makes you feel so great in a relationship. He's wonderful and I'm selfishly saying he's mine entirely. Regardless, I've a headache like mad, but feel a lot better, nearly back to normal. I have so much to do this week, it's mind blowing. I was thinking yesterday if I broke up with WG how shitty life would be, no date to my sisters wedding, and no one to do weekends with ... no one special. I'm sure I'd fall back into promusicous Jen. I have a list of men who've always asked me out even though they know me and WG are dating. It's like, since when did I become a hot commodity? WG says I'm good looking, I can't see that being it, maybe I have an "easy" way about me now. I don't think I do, maybe I'm more confident. Feeling like I won't be alone forever. If I play my cards right, and keep them to myself more than not, I think I'll make my love life do-able. 9:07 a.m. - 2006-02-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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