sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- his kisses It was a very odd weekend. Went by way to fast, I feel a lot better with my cold. Though it's still here, and last night involved a lil fever and today involving achy body. Friday WG came over (I think I wrote about this already.) Saturday WG came over too - and of course I felt like a fat ass in my bridesmaid dress. They are letting out the sides at my request because it clings a lil bit TO much to my body. They are taking SO much off the top of the dress (boob area) I have to go in for SECOND AND THIRD FITTINGS. I'm going in for MORE fittings than the bride. I feel slightly PISSED OFF they got me this dress that is to big on top and a lil to snug in the stomach area. It's like you measured me ... uh. The dress for the other bridesmaid (who is larger than I) ... well her dress was TO BIG. They did have to make it for her personally as she went off the size chart. She ended up paying like $80 extra for this. I'm thinking, I would pay EXTRA if I didn't feel so fucking fat in my dress - though my sister says it looks great. Whatever. I hate wearing tight shit, which includes my GIRDLE, which I'm sorry folks, I think I will have to go underwear LESS and actually use that slit in it to tinkle through. I so hate having to do this. My plan is to change my outfit in the end of the wedding cause I dont' want to be cleaning up in a dress. Not to mention 2.5 inch heels. I'm praying somehow when they let out the dress I'm given at least an INCH of extra room. That's ALL I NEED. Or else I'll have to suck it in all night and ugh that won't be fun. Pee'ing through a slit, won't be fun either. Cause I always end up pee'ing on myself. Anyway, last night me and WG didn't go to the games night party thing as I said we were going to. I was feeling tired and sick still. We went to my sisters school to print out her wedding stuff ... then me and WG went out to eat and went shopping for a bit. I felt just really ill suddenly. It was pretty bad. WG thought I was nutty, but I was laying on the love seat saying, "honey I'm sooo cold...." He was snoozing on the couch - in and out of it - and I kept saying "honey ... I'm so cold......" Finally I said, honey let's go lay in my bed, you can nap and I can get warm. He agreed but said he wanted something other than he was wearing. So I gave him some cut off sleep pants (I bought in a size to big 3x and a big shirt I used to work out in).... At that point, it was like, he's spending the night. So we slept and actually I was very comfortable with it. I mean I was so cold, fever? I was so bad, I was on the verge of throwing up. Not sure WHAT happend in me. We talked while in bed, and he finally farted in front of me (a real relationship test) and then poo'ed in my bathroom for the first time...hey we're serious now aren't we? We talked in the morning about our favorite subject - sex. He kept saying I needed to get better. Etc. He also said 3 years of no sexual things, he feels like he's lost his mojo. I asked if he ever got horny? He said he did and in the middle of "actually I was this morning about an hour ago...." the phone rang. It was my mom. He was dead quiet, and I told my mom I'd call her back. I joked to WG about having fantasies about him - which I do sometimes, and asked if he ever fantasized about me. He said he did, but mostly they were him fucking me hard and him talking shit the whole time "take it!" ... I told him he wants to dominate me, take control. He laughed and told me about it. I felt kinda ODD about it, like did he masterbate to that stuff? I felt ***GOOD*** that at least he THINKS OF ME in a sexual way. That in itself was GOOD ENUFF for me. I told him I wish I wasn't sick cause I wanted to mess around with him. He said, well you better be better by Valentine's Day. He said it was something to work towards...I said who the fuck are you don juan? We laughed, but at least, I feel the passion has been ignited under his ass. A lil spark, that I think is starting to gain confidence, and right now making me feel at odds, excited and a lil afraid. He said, think of me as a virgin. I think he wants to start over with me. Ugh. I'm praying he gets more confidence with kissing. He's so very very gentle with it. Like I'm a glass doll. Like I'm fragile. SO now I'm trying to get better because I just FEEL this sexual TENSION between us right now. Man alive, I told him when he left that he owes me 12 kisses since we normally have 3 kisses per date and now it's been 4 dates with NOTHING cause of my cold!!! I'm PRAYING this weekend I'll be back to something normal. Though today I feel really crappy - coughing a lil, but the cha-cha's (blood in stool? WTF is this?) ... and feeling like I could throw up and feeling these chills/fever-ish. Maybe this is the last hurrah. Maybe it's my new birth control. Speaking of birth control, I talked to my sister about it and having sex w/o protection and how he's not afraid to get prego. She said with all the meds in your body from the pill, it's hard to get prego while on it. She said she was on a very low dose and obviously didn't get prego. She told me, at first it's just odd and you get creeped out, but you get used to it. I keep thinking, well I AM on birth control, sooo why not use it? I keep thinking about it - that conversation I had with WG about sex. I mean it's just easier to go condomless and for him to pull out...is kinda gross cause where does it go? Yeah on ME. But I'm still working on WG ... the ego thing. I made him promise to not cut his hair until next weekend. I said I'd give him a BJ if he didn't cut it. He laughed and said that'd be really nice. That boy makes me laugh because I'm sure as soon as I'd get down there he would either go limp or shoot really fast. Thinking about no sex or physical contact for THREE years ... Jesus. I bet he has lost touch and anymore I think my flirting with him, etc. might just make him feelin' in the mood more, getting that mojo back. Hm. We'll see. And then two people this weekend asked if I was going to move in with WG. I was like it's...been 4 months only .... Isn't that TO early to move in w/ someone? Hell we haven't even had sex yet. I think once we have sex, let our guards down, I think we'll really see what our relationship will be. I was reading on some site ... sex in a relationship is like 90% important or something. I believe that - as it's just something that relieves stress and expression of how you feel w/o words. I love it and love feeling loves for a few moments, making someone feel good. I don't know. Sexual tension. Entirely, when I get well again, yeah. There's a great bonfire lit under my ass right now I miss his kisses.... 6:52 p.m. - 2006-02-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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