sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can of worms Man. If you live in Indiana, I pray to God you dont' catch this crazy cold. I feel a lot better, almost back to normal. I just have a cough and a runny nose sometimes. Last night I had the chills again. Not sure where this is coming from. Also finding I have blood in the stuff I cough up, assuming my lungs are inflammed from the coughing. I do feel better folks. That's all that counts. My mom says I sound a hellofa lot better on the phone. So did my darling WG. And the kicker folks? WG is coming down with something. On the phone he sounded congested. I laughed and said I was kissable on the lips, while now he is only cheek kissable. I told him he'd better not be sick this weekend cause I told myself to get better for him for the weekend. He laughed and said how he was ragging me to get better now he is fighting something. He said he'd be better by then. However he has a scratchy throat, and that's how mine started. I dont' think he could've caught it from me as we only slept together - no kissing - nothing. He says it's cause of the weather change, and I hope it is. I sort of miss him, that closeness we used to have before I contracted friggin this cold. But it's almost gone and right now, I could make out and be okay with feeling like I won't A. have my nose run or B. cough up a lung. Anyway, thanks AppleRobot for the note. Gave me a giggle. Then got me a - thinking. I wish I was the type that deals with seduction. But I can see myself laughing about it the whole time. However. I am planning on making him a dessert (or buying it?) and then having all the candles in my apt lit (think fire hazard) .... After we eat, give presents to each other, I'm assuming that shall be the make out/touchy time. Possibly blow out some candles time too (that is if a boob will be exposed or if something else is exposed) ... I don't know, right now, how far to go with him, other than we've talked about sex. Am I the one to make a move towards his ... part. I have no qualms about touching it. But the first time, I feel ODD at, like I'm figuring if he's touching my boobs - under shirt, I have the right to touch him downstairs. Argh. With him intimacy is like ... something to take very very lightly. I mean can't go to fast due to him telling me last time that he's shy/coy/lost his mojo and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, sometimes you need to push the envelope just to get him to take a bold step. I'll just leave it up to whatever happens, how I feel, etc. I know it bothered him a lot when we couldn't kiss right - my fault - I know. I told him if I'm not comfortable, I just cannot get my groove on. Seriously. And I know that must've been really nice for him when there I am laughing in his face saying, you kiss weriod. Yeah I'm great. Sometimes I wonder why he puts up with my shit. That boy must really feel something for me. Everyone says he's always loved me, but I just feel...he cares a lot, but also has a lil holding-back a bit with me. And sometimes I know why - with my past. And there are things, anymore, that I do not write in my diary. But I've moved on from that, especially knowing how he feels and how I feel. But I'm still psyched that he thinks of me sexually. That's everything to me, knowing I'm not the only one wanting him in such a way. I was worried for a while that he just wasn't attracted to me sexually. Or that he wasn't interested in sex. Cause I have a crazy libido. I love it. And him, he seems not to though he says he does. I talked to him about that again Sat. night as we lay in bed ... I said he just doesn't seem to want to.... And it hurts my feelings still when I think about it. Still I will try my darnest on VDay to play foxy Jen. Also this weekend Friday/Saturday I will attempt to make moves - that is - if he's feeling okay and not sick. I think we both want to mess around - the way we are now...since I've been sick. Yeah. I think we do. And he's taken the point to have touched my boobs twice this past weekend. I let him, without flinching (hoping this helps him). I'm still trying to get him used to my touch - and now taken to running my hand along his leg. Not sure how close I am to ... IT ... but I did that same move with my ex and it always drove him nuts. Especially when I'd get close and his body would tense up. I loved that. Anyway. I can't wait until this weekend. I miss kissing him so much. Even our pecks, I just miss it. I know I'm going to give him a million kisses when I see him and be like baby I missed you soooooo much. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of that. *Sigh* I dunno I really like this stuff and anymore I feel that we are indeed on the move again. For real, not sure what happend - I think me being sick and the sudden thing of actually not having that option to make out - and now I think it's part of our date - this fuck around time - I think maybe the lack of it, has gotten us kinda like....horny. Ha. What a thing to say. But whatever works. He asked today about my fav. movie - Color Purple - if I owned it on DVD. I said no and then said I don't really buy movies...and then why would I when he hates it so much. Gawd please don't buy me a fucking DVD for VDay. I'll be happy with it, but jesus dude.... I dont' mean to sound ungrateful, but I'd rather get a bottle of perfume I don't like, then a ... dvd? I'll appreciate ANYTHING he gets me - plus he is dead SET on going out to eat on VDAY. He is like "WE'RE GOING OUT" ... okay calm down tiger. Still I pray he dresses up a lil cause I'm going to try to look nice for him and wear something low cut as part of my seduction act. Hm. I have to go shopping I guess AGAIN for something. Or else, maybe wear this black low cut top for him that I've never worn - meant to - with my ex, but we broke up before I could. Plus I'll wear my black bra - it's great push up. However underwear isn't to forgiving or friendly. Hm. I'll need to invest in some new undergarmets whenever we start .. doing that stuff. Ugh it's scary to think of that stuff. I don't know why. It's odd cause he said in waiting, when you finally do these things, the more it means. I am trying to see if this is true, it ought to be true with all the waiting I've done with this boy. I still find it odd how I've never been in a relationship where the guy hasn't tried something on me. So my guy, he's just ODD to me. And maybe that's why I appreicate him so much, he's fucked up like me. Shy, coy ... I realize the other boys I've been with, had to work to get anywhere with me. Maybe it's not such a bad thing, dating a gentlemen, the type that really does want to get to know me. Though he said, one of the reasons he started dating was he was begining to miss sex/intimacy. And he thought of me ... in the beginning - when he decided to date again. Now he's having fantasies, and to me he's starting to have a fire lit under his ass. Cause that's how I began with my ex. Scared at first, but when I became more confident, lord nothing could stop me. Hm. I see fun times ahead. I guess. Which will open a whole new can of worms. 1:52 p.m. - 2006-02-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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