sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just fine. I feel a lot better from yesterday. MG im'ed and said he understood and only wanted what's best for me, but still wanted to talk to me. Fireman will be a different story, as much as I wish he would say he wanted what I thought best for myself, I know he won't be that easy. I don't want to talk about it anymore - for a while, and just forget this for the time being. **** I sent WG his package yesterday in inter office mail. I put it in there in the morning and he got it by the afternoon! Geez! To fast! He emailed me thank you and said it was "awesome." I hope he feels better. He hasn't been emailing me at all this week and he said he's been very busy and also not feeling well at all. So I'm backing off on him cause this weekend will be stressful enough with my sisters wedding and me leaning on him for whatever I need or to carry stuff, etc. I'm sure he feels like a work horse with me sometimes, so maybe I did butter him up a lil bit with my lil care package. I was thinking about him today for some reason. How I love to lay back on him with my arm across my chest and him caressing my arm - and slightly touching my boob. I don't know if he knows he is, but I don't care. It's funny cause I'm utterly psyched about Valentine's Day this year. I guess cause HE wants to do something and I don't have to plan it all out. Then giving him is gift. And him giving me mine, which I remember him asking me about chocolate the other day too. Hm. Jewelery, a DVD, chocolate or flowers I'm thinking. I know he said something about that too. Not that it matters, whatever he does, I'll be happy with, just as long as he cares. Everyone this week has been asking about him. Monday, Tues. and even today people have asked about him. What is it with this week? I guess it's a good thing because it makes me realize just how important and special he is to me ... and how everyone cares about him and me ... our happiness. I think it's great. I have NO complaints about the boy. Not like with my ex when they said "how's it going with ___" I would be like...oh....it's okay...he's still not divorced. The only thing yesterday was this girl who's friends with my ex - said "I thought (insert ex's name) and WG would be the same personality." I said NO they are like night and day, WG is so sensitive. I blushed and smiled and said, "we're doing great." I also threw in that I'm on birth control (cause she has this vitamin def. and I said I was on bc and had an iron def) .... so ha ha ha. I hope she goes and runs and tells my ex. Regardless, the thing I want to work on is to stop hating my ex, I know I need to "forgive" him .. and get over it and let go of it. I know he simply does not have the emotions to ever do right by me, to know how he fucked me over. Being mad and angry isn't helping and makes my WG feel upset that I won't go w/ him as his date to ex's wedding and that if we were to get married that I wouldn't invite him. But we all know TIME Takes TIME - as Ben Folds Five says. My parents come in tomorrow - and will be at my apartment I think for half the day. Then Friday will be there cooking all day, etc. It's crazy. But I dont' mind. I cleaned so well last night. Dusted, vaccumed, mopped the bathroom and kitchen. It's gross that I haven't mopped in a very long time. I can't remember when I mopped last. It's just me living there, so it doesn't get to bad - obviously. But how dusty it was, is what was gross. But now my apt looks so fucking clean, it's amazing. I even rearranged the pans in my kitchen knowing my mom would yell at me for jumbling up my pans. Also got a new clean rag out for dishes and stuff. So fuck my place is immaculate. I'm not sure what to do with WG on Friday. My mom might be there still and that's where we usually hang out. We'll have to play it by ear. Then on Saturday - I'll be busy with the shower - it begins at 1 - but we're going over at like 10 a.m. to set up ....and do cooking/etc. WG is going to come over at 1-2 and stay at my place and probably bum around. Then I was going to call him to help us carry out shit ... etc. Then we can go to dinner or whatever. He's spending the night Saturday night, so I hope we can play around a lil too. I think he wants to - from last time, I think it'd be really fun to. I think we both kinda need that lil release. Hm. Now that I'm well again I think I can weasel my way into affection again. However he has a lil cold this week, so we'll see. Lord help me if he has a cough and a runny nose as I did. Argh!! Come on! Oh well we'll deal with it, whatever happens. I so can't wait until spring. Won't it be fucking sweet to go outside and now freeze your ass off? Or worry about snow? Or wake up feeling like an ice cube? Or be able to see flowers and stuff and longer days and warmer temps and....oooh outside things. I just can't wait to sleep with the windows open. Ahhhh. No more colds. Though WG has allergies, but still that's okay. Oh well, the future looks good to me, I can't believe that tomorrow, I'll be dating WG for exactly 4 months. Wow, has it really be that long? In April it'll be 6 months - half a fucking year!! Wow! It's funny that we're already planning things for the summer, his birthday (July 1) and mine (June 13) ... it's good I guess to know we'll be together for that ... the future I guess. I always think of that lyric in that John Mayer song "St. Patricks Day" ... "everybody wants to be, it seems, just like you and me." Our horoscope said that some people depend on our relationship working, maybe seeing two good people date and him ... everyone says he deserves to be happy - and him finally being happy. I don't know, a lot of pressure on me. And on him too I suppose? Just as long as we stay happy and communicate, I think we'll be just fine. 9:36 a.m. - 2006-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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