sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hour hand Whoa. Pop overload. I went from drinking straight up water, to drinking straight up pop. WTF? With my sickness, I was eating healthy. Now I'm eating eh... my appetite isn't 100% - I ate a lil more than half a hamburger for dinner last night, tossed the rest. Today had White Castles and right now am not hungry, or am a lil bit - but feeling .... ehhhhh don't want fast (fat) food. Am feeling ... like .... spaghetti, though no sauce. Fuck. I dont' know. WG is coming over. I was upset all week - the first week back on my pill I'm always off the fucking wall. I was depressed slightly yesterday, today angry and just crazed. Mad at WG, mad at myself for being fat. I hate myself sometimes. WG was my main pissed off point as always. But I chilled out and calmed down and talked to him on the phone. We had a good time and I realized how much I'd missed him, in the days I hadn't seen him, and eh. He told me he has to "pick up" my gift and I don't know what he got me, and I'm wondering what the fuck, my mom says flowers. I'm hoping not. Though I love flowers, the price of flowers is crazy. Sorry, spend that $50 on something else. I can tell you lots of things I want for $50 that will LAST more than a few days on my desk. Still, I'm trying not to expect a lot - though I feel like the boy will erase all my past bad VDays, when I should be happy to have him etc. He said it best, I don't care what you got me, I'm just there to be with you. Aw. Everyone say aw. Regardless, my friend asked if he said that he loved me yet, I said no. I feel odd saying NO when people ask. It's like...should he have? There is no set amount of time for that, considering both of us were burnt before, therefore are more guarded of our hearts. Still, God I pray for him to wake up and just ... want me. Want me like MG does, like fireman did ... I miss that passion. And I know WG is slowly obtaining this and in time shall come to these wants, but I miss feeling wanted in a way that I need. That need to express yourself, to release stress. To really concentrate on taking your birth control on time. That need to make sure your legs are shaved and that you're showered. I miss those things you think about and have no issues doing for your boy. I've not a lot to complain on, and much less wish on. I appreciate what I have. And the future, sometimes I wish could kick it's heels up, take a jog into now. I just am hoping, we'll change again, things will quicken. For now, I sit on the minute hand and dangle my feet on the hour hand. 4:30 p.m. - 2006-02-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||