sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- are you kidding me?? So maybe it is risky to have a link to diaryland on my computer at work. I figure that I don't save my passwords/info on here, so people are just directed to the diaryland page. However, the two people who use my computer - an older man who doesn't know the internet/doesn't care that I keep a diary - and then there is a girl around my age, whom I trust, and wouldn't read my diary should she ever snoop and find it. Though now, enter person three. An older woman, gossip freak, hound, etc. who goes in people's emails to read them and stuff. I'm mildly worried about her, and I know I must never, ever have diaryland KEEP my info on this computer. And when I am done updating I know I must entirely shut down IE so there's no history of it, etc. That's my only concern, however she only fills in for my vacations/sick days. SO yesterday I emailed WG our dates/days off for upcoming things. He has to get his cleared, and I must get mine clear as well. Best to do them now. They are: Other than this, we have a trip planned to Gale na, IL - however - not sure when we'll go. We'll spend one night there, etc. I was sorta wishing we could go in May? But I'll play it by ear. We can go any ol' weekend it seems. Regardless, I emailed him yesterday - him telling me Sunday night he'd email me Monday ... and I received nothing back. I'm assuming that he was either A. really busy (hard to believe on a Monday) B. called off sick or C. is mad at me (hard to believe he would give me silent treatment.) I'm feeling guilty that I didn't call him last night. I really should've. Feeling like ... ah ... I didn't care - but I did - but I didn't let it bother me to much. Have a lot of things on my mind lately. I did go to the gym last night, which was great - less busy now. Guess people are ditching their New Year's Resolutions already. I did 35 mins on the ellipical and then left - figuring I'll be there today. Must start lifting weights. Am eyeing my pilates DVD workout - that I've YET to do. Really feel ... kinda pissy that I can't go to the gym as I'd like - wanted to go Wed. but going out w/ WG. Want to go Friday - but again going out with WG. Saturday get news drivers license, nails done at 11-12. Guessing I can go after that?? Maybe. Sunday will def. go. Also am going to start up three day diet - but am clearing out refridgerator right now. I guess I'm not eating TO bad, but ... eh. Have been on a garlic bread kick lately too.... This week however my stomach has been feeling achy. Not like shit achy, but just ... achy. I don't know why. I tend to think ulcer - as now and then I'll get this and then bad heart burn. Anyway, it hit me the other day - that June is coming up and that's pap smear month. If I don't go, then I don't get another prescription for birth control. Those bastards make me HAVE TO GO. Though I figure this time, shouldn't be TO long. Last time they had to do that ultra sound with that fucking wand thing. This time it's just the boob thing, then the pap smear (fucking OW) sorry but that HURTS and whoever says it's just "uncomfortable" is a goon. But I know I hurt myself as I get uptight therefore it pinches me cause I can't relax cause I'm getting pinched down there. Not to mention last time they couldn't use the virgins spectulum ... so add in that pain!!! So yeah I'm already nervous about it. Though happy that it only lasts about what 3 minutes of pap smear fun - scrap scrap scrap. Then when she takes out that spectulum it's like fucking Christmas. I know she inserts that finger and presses on you, but that's nothing to me. Go ahead press all you like, just don't put that thing in me again! Maybe I'll be less nervous, as I know what goes on now. And knowing I don't have to have a nurse in there - two people who've see my coo in all it's glory - will be better. Still I don't care how much you lube up, it still sucks ass, plus she doesn't wear a mask! I worry about if I smell. Ugh what a job, looking at snatch all day. I'm sure it all looks the same to them. Just like dicks, they all look the same with some variation. Longer, smaller, thicker, thinner, curved. Anyway, sorry to already flip out about it ... not to mention I am supposed to lose weight - and said I would - and obviously haven't. My gyn isn't scared to say, Jen you need to lose weight. No shit sherlock. So in three months, I'll schedule. Then come here and again freak. OKAY back to WG. I'm going to probably call him today at work just to see if he's there. I do have to train though, so maybe after lunch. Oh well, I feel like a stress ball today. Need to lose weight, that's on my mind now. I hate to have the gyn bitch at me, really. I'll be like LOOK HERE I can tell you excuses, but I'm not. I'm trying to lose and I didn't gain it in a day, so don't expect me to lose it in a fucking day!! Okay know I can't say that. But will make promises again, but maybe will have lost some by then? Hm. Will try. ANYWAY I am going to try for a graphic design job -- in Chicago. It's on Wacker Drive. I figure ... eh ... seems close enuf - via train. It's a large medical company. So that means I won't even get an interview. ;) I just feel like I make no money here, work really long hours, and ... doesn't feel like it's worth all the stress. I could go for a secretary job and get paid like .... $5 more an hour ... however ... it's hard as I have to majorly dumb down my resume. Either I have to much experience. Or not enough. Never in the middle. I really don't know what to do in my career and I'm getting to old to be moving around so much in it. Granted that's how you have to do it. Anymore I feel like maybe I am made to be a mother, a wife and that's my career. Though I hate to think of not working, even part time. The second time yesterday, someone has told me to dump WG and find a wealthy man. I said, uh no. They said wealthy men were easy to find. I said but love isn't. So I'm unsure what my future holds. I've been thinking about how I wish I could move back to Florida and work again. Maybe I'm missing my free days. Now I have rent, and bills and a boyfriend. I can't just leave any of them. UGH THIS day is going by so fucking slow, oh my gawd. It's only 9:15? Are you kidding me?? 8:40 a.m. - 2006-02-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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