sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just can't wait WG thought I was mad at him. For the other day. When I was irate at work, angry at the world and frustrated that he couldn't understand me. I said, no, I was just really frustrated. He later told me, that I hung up on his co-worker. I didn't mean to, I thought the conversation had ended. He said he told her not to take it personally - that I didn't mean it like that, but still I really didn't mean to hang up on her. She knew I was mad that day too. Regardless. He came over, shaved head and no beard. I hate when he looks like that. Much like his photo I posted before. With hair/beard he looks good. I'll have to scan pic of him and me - him with hair. Also during wedding - I want our photo taken. Okay I made him dinner and I was very pms'y. I didn't want to be touched suddenly and felt nervous around here. He came over to me and as I often do I back away with a scared look. He was like..."geeezzzzzz." So I laughed and went to him and gave him a hello hug. I was slightly off the wall-ish. But we both realized we are arguing a lot now. Maybe it's part of a relationship, but suddenly we're arguing. Not all the time only when we talk about work. That's the only time we seem to argue and as we started up another argument last night I stopped it saying, "weren't we supposed to stop talking about work?" So he stopped and I stopped and it was dead silence. I laughed and so did he suddenly and we hugged and hugged. I dunno. So we ate and chatted and I said let's go lay in my bed and talk. Sounds like a line a guy would say. We did and I half way expected a lil' something something. But the never-ending COLD was still evident in the sniffs, coughs, throat clearing. He buried his head in my shoulder saying he was going to kill the guy at work for giving him this cold. I said give him a kick for me too. We ended up talking about a lot of things. Laughing about sex, etc. The boy is getting way to comfy. We discussed how one of my boobs is broken. Yeah. I know. It IS broken. My right tit takes a while to get hard - always falls behind my left one. This is due to MG - the time he came over - after me saying I liked it rough and he got TO rough with my right one ... I mean it hurt for a few days. I mean hurt as in couldn't lay on it and it was red and swollen. I think tissue inside got damaged, and it is recovering, just needs gentle coaxing. So I'm laying on my side and now WG feels inclined to touch my boobs ever so freely and he tested out this theory of mine. THEN the way I was laying my boob nearly fell out of my top, and knowing I think he got a pretty good view of it all. My boobs are swollen too, so they're slightly larger. He kissed the top of my chest and I saw what was to come in future "talks." We kissed just a lil bit - a few pecks...and then a brief french. Oddly there is lots of passion behind it, but stopped due to his nose/can't breathe/etc. It had potential of a lot of things. But I finally followed HIS lead during that kiss, he often goes to tongue way to fast for my taste, so when I felt it on my lips I backed off, but then went for it. His hands were all over me again and he seems eager to want to touch downstairs, talking about last time again. I said it was okay to ... except that I get rights to his too. He seemed to feel odd about that and I said, you're worried about that aren't you? He is, thinking that I might think he's small. I told him it doesn't matter to me. I said my boobs are small, he said that it doesn't matter to him ... so I said, well that's how I feel about you down there too. We laughed about how guys come and this WG, my shy boy of mine starts to fake hump me. I screamed and we laughed it off and he did it again. It was just ODD to feel when a guy does that, sex or not - the first time is weriod. That movement ... and from my sweet WG, I was half way shocked and thinking maybe he was getting off on this too as he "joke" did it three times. Uh huh. I've been dry humped before. We talked about masterbation even and he claims he hasn't done it in a while - and last time was in the morning after having a dream about me and him. Ha. He said he doesn't think of other girls when he ... you know. He asked about my self love and when I did it last. I said, what does it matter? A week ago, or a month ago, you're going to judge me regardless. He said he wouldn't. So I said, um ... last Sunday. Ha. So we talked about that, but I didn't say just who I thought of, though I made it sound like it was him. But truth be told usually I'll have it about fireman, MG and sometimes cop. Sometimes Wg - but really - I have not a lot to work with ... with WG. We haven't really done .... anything. So it's hard to get excited going on ... a few kisses, a boob touch....um no. Regardless, he also was being mr. asshole with saying how he'd get upset if I didn't "finish." I said it wasn't my fault - my ex messed me up with it. And now I have this pressure of making him mad?? I pray he was kidding, but I said, fine, then I guess I'll have to pretend. He has to be joking about that or else that'll be a fight. Sorry I finish if it's just not there. I've had other guys get upset when I didn't. I mean I understand I would too, but demanding doens't work. I'm sure he didn't mean it as he said it, but I'll probably ask again about it. Though I don't think I'll have a problem with it as lord whenever he touches me I get really hot. I guess waiting there is something very very special. We also said we can't let it overcome our relationship. Still, I feel like if we truely mess around, that we'll end up having sex. It seems a given. Especially if pants are off, nakey and ... yeah. Anymore the way we kiss it's tell tale sign and how he's so eager to touch. It's exciting, truely. I just can't wait sometimes, but feel nervous about it - it's always odd when you do those things with someone new. I dunno last night we lay there and he seemed the one that was acting up a lil. Esp. with that weriod humpy thing. He also said that he gets pretty aggressive when he gets into it. I can see this, with that fire in the beginning of a sweet kiss, I can tell if we let it go ... it's progress and progress fast. So I just feel odd and okay about it. Esp. with me letting him come in me now. I figure I'm on birth control and I know he's disease free - and he's never come in a woman before. So it ought to be interesting. I've never really wanted anyone to do that in me, but now I actually want him too. Still feel odd about it - that taboo of if a guy comes in you, you'll get prego - it's hard to get over. but I've been on birth control for over 6 months now. I figure should I get knocked up - won't - but should I, at least I know he'd be there for me. With my BC I feel safe enough to feel that I won't. I looked on the net for anyone who's gotten prego on the pill I'm on - and haven't found one case. However when on Yasmin - did find a few cases. I figure if I take the pill right I'll be alright. Soooo. Yeah. Okay whatever, it's just a very odd time of year. I think my mom, realized yesterday, that I'm not a virgin anymore. We talked about yeast infections and how when I got mine I couldn't insert the pills up there and it hurt so bad to even go potty. She said: you must be small down there. So I said ... well not anymore, not since the gyn cranked it open. She laughed and said, I thought you were going to say, not since last night. I wanted to scream and I joked and said, well not since last week. So I think my mom finally has an inkling, esp. since she knows WG spends the night a lot and finally realized he sleeps in bed with me. - Which was so taboo before in our family, but now it's not - esp since my mom asks if I'll be moving in with WG - unmarried - living in sin. So who knows, the world is crazy. But the way we're going right now, it's interesting, odd and I just can't wait. 8:25 a.m. - 2006-02-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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