sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ooh. On the alternate universe I live on, I think, by God, I've lost weight. How the fuck did that happen? Perhaps me hitting the gym last week and a feeble attempt to eat "right" did it. And the tinge of sickness I had, a slight fever, combo, created some poundage lost. I went to the bathroom just now at work, looked at myself in the mirror. I look like 1940's Jen. I have my hair pulled up on the sides - and it's curly today. With dark eyes and red lips, I look like I am from some era, not of today. Also looking at my body, seeing that I have indeed "tightened up" ... at least on the top. My bottom half seems to take a while. Still I can't complain. The new diet class I'm taking - I missed Tuesday. The HEAD of the class called me last night at 9 to update me and tell me what's going on. She's very nice and I think our "bond" we met the day I signed up and met her personally on an off chance - I didn't feel to well and looked sort of scared rabbit - Jen. People tend to want to take care of me, make sure it's all alright. WG knows this, and now this new instructor seems to know it. So I felt this was a sign. I got up and trashed a lot of food in my cupboards and freezer (not a lot mind you - not like I threw out $100 worth of food - think more like $20 or less - half eaten - things). She gave me her email addy and said to email any questions or give her a ring. I am going to email her today as I don't know how much fat grams I should have? Being sick, still, has its advantage: loss of appetite. Also the meds I'm on, makes me tired. Today I haven't been anything but just thristy. Erm. I don't know. My mom is worried WG will mess up my diet. I can't see him doing this, though when I told him about it, he thought it sounded hokey. And seemed upset that our Friday meals might be off. I guess he's not a change person. Plus that his wife, well lost weight and then cheated on him. To me, I can lose weight, but I'll never feel "thin." And I realize, I could GO for hotter guys, guys with money, etc. etc. But none of them would love and care for me the way WG does. He called me when I was sick - and told me he was going to call tonight to see how I'm feeling. I think we're in the L-word zone. Near that target. I talked to MG today. His wife left until tomorrow and he wanted to come over to ... you know what. I said no. And told him, that I don't want to lose WG and if I did cheat, then ... in a way .... I'd be losing WG a little. Sorry, I just don't want to lose him. Even if he'd never know, I would know and that just...I can't do it. So I've changed. I realize that now. I've seen it happening and have settled into it. Still our little tiff last weekend, I'm gotten over, though still feel a tinge of hurt - knowing he didn't mean it - but feeling self conscious about my body again. Though being on these antibotics, my body is low odor for some reason. Strangeness within, I hate being on these pills. I feel off center, feel very tired, feel like crying sometimes because I'm tired of feeling like I'm not all the way here. My stomach has been hurting too. Not sure why - to much meds? Not enough food? Anyway, I ought to get back to work. Am going to get back to the gym Sunday. This week entails: Friday movie with WG and fuck around time and he's spending the night. Saturday is bachelorette party (and I MUST wash clothes!) and Sunday is the gym. Thankfully I got my tax return from the state! Thanks Indiana! This paid for a lot of my bills, that off my mind, was great. I get paid tomorrow. Then my other refund should be showing up. That's the very nice one, the "saver" one...that's going to "redeem" my bank account and lessen my credit card. Lots of things ... change. Just to be able to live for a while w/o feeling like I'm living on pennies. Erm. Anyway. I hope me and WG get going Friday. I know he said we need to - I think we need to too...to long we've held off. I'm not talking sex, but things other than kissing. I don't know. I can see myself, know myself to ask him ... whisper to him, to touch me. What a weekend, hopefully. Though I'm content sometimes when he kisses me deeply. It's a surprising feeling. All I think is ... ooh. 11:41 a.m. - 2006-03-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||