sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all the time. I'm briefly annoyed this morning because I went to be really late and just did so much stuff this weekend, that it feel like I really didn't have a weekend. All I did was wedding things. Booklets and tablecards, cutting and cutting and folding, ribbon tying. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I didn't leave my sisters house until 10 last night. The only good thing was I got to wash my kitchen rug - my lovely green, brown, white and pink rug from Target that everyone loves. It looks brand-new again! I scrubbed my floors yesterday - went to the gym, when shopping with sister, went to Target yet again, went to dinner, her house and more bridal shit. I ate horrible this week. No wonder I feel like I haven't lost anything and worst off, I have to TELL everyone in class tomorrow that I've been so busy and stressed I just didn't care. And in a way, I don't need their comments tomorrow night about why I didn't get a fucking salad or "plan ahead." Hopefully they'll get off my back when I say, something had to give and eating healthy was IT. I did exercise yesterday and am going tonight. My cold/flu/e-coli/black death/whatever I have has gone away momentarily. Tonight I take my very last antibotic pill. Which is great cause I was getting the cha-chas all over again. Which right now is OK with me cause when I weigh in tomorrow maybe it'll help somehow. I do feel bad in drinking to much pop. I mean pop over load. That's the worst thing you can drink, they say. And it's "empty calories" and a bunch of bad things, etc. I always think of mothers who put Coke in a bottle for their babies to drink. Starting them early in bad habits, bad teeth, addiction to caffenine. Still, my own mother didn't do that, I think. She did do a great thing, bottle raised us on skim milk. I love skim and fat free milk. I owe that to my mom. I dislike any other milk 2%, etc. Yuck. So after this week - back on diet big big time. Also want to start taking classes, etc. I was upset with WG yesterday too - he was supposed to call me and we were supposed to go and do something Sunday. He didn't call until 6? And said he had to watch his dad all day and sorry he didn't call, etc. I was happy I didn't lay into him. We chatted it up a lil. I got sort of upset because I said, "dont' tell anyone at the wedding that you were married before." He said, well I will if they ask. I said, "why would they ask???" I really hate the fact he was married before. I don't know why, just hate hearing about it ... etc. Happy he didn't have kid(s) with his ex, but still hate to hear how stupid he was. And how stupid men are with their ex's. I have no doubt in my mind he's over her. He also shocked me - we talked about my ex - and he said he's been acting weriod and there might be trouble in paradise (he moved in with new girlfriend) etc. And I said, well what if he has to move out? And asks to move in with you??? WG said, "no wayyy, I'll tell him you're moving in." I laughed and he repeated it like 2 more times. Erm. I felt a lil odd. And it hit me sort of - and I wondered if he's thought about it. I always thought it would be a great idea - to save on money? Or whatever and ... yeah. No more spending money on something that'll equate to nothing. Though I thought - what if we didn't work out? I'd be out money then, and then legal issues would arise. Sorry to be a downer, but sometimes things don't work out. Then I thought of my freedom and all my things. I have a lot of shit. And I thought of ... giving up single living and doing whatever I like at 2 a.m. Though he's not asked me to move in, maybe he's far from it, I just thought, well maybe I'd need to really think that over. He's still yet to say I love you. But oddly, intimately we're on the prowl, the move, it's THERE. I mean THERE. So I feel like life is about to go pretty fast, I think once sex is added to the mix, a lot of things change. Sex makes you closer somehow, I think. Not all gooey like most people think, but in trust and feeling, you're all the more closer than post-sex. I don't know. I just feel eh... And this weekend is the wedding. He'll meet a lot of my family. Friday night I'll get home and want to really mess around. Saturday we'll be tired and Sunday too. Just life, right now, is interesting and if I get a new position here, I'll be all the more happier. I hope it all goes well Saturday. My speech, I've calmed down on, saying simple things and know it'll be less than 5 mins I'll talk. Think more like 2 to 3 minutes. I dunno...sometimes I just want to ask WG why we ... just can't talk about moving in and marriage and all of those things. Before I said it was to early, but now, we're almost at 6 months of dating. It's still early, but it's getting there. I meet his parents the weekend after and I'm nervous about that too. I bought a new shirt for this at Lane bryant whose clothes just suck ASS now. I mean really. I spent $90 bucks there, and am kicking myself now. I'd rather spend $90 at Old Navy, cause I know I'd be walking away with MORE clothing ... ugh. I spent $30 at Target too - I bought a pretty blue shirt - and realize that at least these things can go toward my spring/summer clothes. Eh. It's hard to be poor and forget and then spend money to fast. $90 pays for my cell phone AND my house line bill. When you put your bills in perspective, it's like... eh. I don't know, I just feel weriod this week. At least my Yeast I. is over. Thank God. My apt is also clean, except for the bathroom sink and tub. Am going to clean those wed/thurs cause they dirty fast. WG wants to take me out to dinner this week too. :) Still I feel mildly upset about him being married before. I really don't know why. I guess it has to do with .. this weekend = the wedding. Something tarnished in our relationship ... though I know it's not bad, no big deal - you can't really really date anyone who hasn't been married - still, in my family, it's hard to say. Though my sisters fiance was married AND has a kid. At least Wg doesn't have kids. And then his pressure of his parents wanting kids and he wants kids and to get married, etc. etc. It's like, right now, just ... let us not think about that, but what's going on right now. I don't know. My mom, sister think he's it, the one and I know yesterday I said I can't imagine my life without him in it. My sister said that I'm in love, changed, etc. But ... in a way ... still feel a part of my old self - though she's left and no longer talks to MG or Fireman ... still this girl freaks at thoughts of moving in, marriage, kids. Will we make it? I guess no one knows. Also ... I realized how WG and I are on the same page, maybe I'm feeling odd because ... the L-word is missing. And we're feeling it and I'm tired of being the first one, always in this relationship. I don't know, ugh. I will try to relax this week, so much to do. Gym tonight, diet program tomorrow, Wed w/ sister, Thursday WG and Friday rehearsal dinner. Fuck I'm so tired of being busy all the time. 10:02 a.m. - 2006-03-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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