sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sweet and scary. I feel like I don't have the time to update this diary anymore. That really depresses me in a lot of ways, but sometimes there are so many things that go on, merely writing it would be an undertaking. I had a lovely Easter with boyfriend/WG. He got me a huge flower arrangement and a dvd and candy. Very sweet boy. I bought him another outfit and put it in his basket and he said I did to much. He liked his basket - and we colored eggs and both talked and talked. We went to the cemetery and dug out my grandparents tombstones - prior I wasn't feeling to well and stopped at Arby's for cheesesticks. So we sat in the cemetery eating cheesesticks and me asking when I can move in. His mom hasn't given the "okay" yet. I know it's our decision, but we don't want to piss off any parents. My parents are OK with this ... his mom really didn't say no, but wasn't saying yes either. I told WG that he merely hinted at it, and that he needs to sit down and talk with his mom about it. Which he is doing tonight. I told him he needs to be confident. As when I told my parents, I said I knew he was the one and ... that we were getting engaged next year. WG agreed and in a way said he didn't care, yet he did. He just wants his parents in his life and doesn't want to start out ... shitty. Them pissed, etc. So yeah. He also told me he was going to ask me in December - to marry him. It's odd, those words to hear. Me married, me engaged, me moving in with someone, me in love, someone in love with me. We talked about getting married last night and wrote out a mock list of people to invite we have about 60-65 - but want to cut it down to 50. A small wedding, that's what we want. But I told him if we can keep it to around 50, that'll be something. Regardless ... just a very odd weekend. I am feeling better, but still on heavy antibotics until Saturday. So I'm slightly worried about my birth control - note we've been doing the pull out method since Friday - he did finish in me on Thursday, but that was just when I was beginning the pill. What is hard, what is odd is after these strong pills they said to start having sex once again after your cycle. Well my cycle is next week. And I'm assuming that Friday I'll be "done" and it's like ... well should I have sex unprotected? No pulling out? I would say yes - as just having a period, etc. We both are slightly odd about me having an "accident." We talked about it - but realized condoms just are not for us. Pulling out is working, though I know about pre-cum, etc. It's just difficult I guess? This past weekend from Thursday until Sunday night we had sex eight times. We both were slightly amazed at the number, and I didn't realize that we'd done it so much. I was achy Sunday night and so was he. But that didn't stop any lovely - ness from happening this morning as a hand Job ensued and a fingering. I came again, during sex - and it was fantastic. However that's it, I can't seem to get myself to let go or whatever. Not sure why. But he should be happy I've come twice during sex - never have done that before. Still we talk about how much we love each other and marriage, kids. Right now I feel sick to my stomach and am going to the bathroom a lot - he said to let him know when my period comes, he said the day he came in me (Thursday) all he thought about was how stupid it was, and how in the heat of the moment he got selfish. I egged him on saying it'd be "okay." So if a mistake happens, it's entirely our fault. Though I don't feel knocked up and can't believe it'd happen that fast ... still it's a scary thought about the what if's .... Certainly do not want to get knocked up by accident. Our love making has gotten definately better. We always say how great it is, every time gets better. Though he has to slow himself down a lot and now with pulling out, the pressure is on for him. I feel sorry for him, that he has to do that. We tried a condom and I just didn't like the feel, and didn't even want him IN me. So we resorted to pull out. Though the one night ... he stayed in to long - he didn't come in me - but was in sooo long, I'd come and he was still going and it began to get painful. Never, ever had that happen before. So WG is supposedly going to ask to marry me in December. And if I can move in - if Mama says "Okay" which I think she will - then I'll give my 2 month notice to my apartment complex tomorrow - and move in - in June around my b-day. We plan on getting married in Oct or Nov of ... next year? Then? Yikes. It's messed up to talk and think like this. He's very intent on making me his and being his wife and being the mother of his children. He's very intent. It's sweet. Sweet and scary. 9:21 a.m. - 2006-04-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||