sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is changing I wish I could say an official date. But I am moving out next month. I originally thought it'd be 2 months ... but today I called my apartment complex and they said "No, not two months, 30 days ...." I said, "but I still get my deposit back?" She said, "well yes, if you're apartment passes." Oh. So it's scary. I'm scared. I won't lie. WG called me at 9:30 last night and said ... "I talked to my mom ... and we have the green light." I was so excited and his mom is excited. All she needed to hear was that we have a committment. He told her that we love each other and he was going to ask me to marry him sometime this year. He said December. So Merry Christmas you're engaged. So we both were excited and I said ... honey it's scary. And he said if I wasn't ready ... it's okay. I said NO I'M READY, I love you and want to be with you .... We're taking my sister and her husband out for her birthday tonight. I bought her a small cake and candles. I told WG we're going to pay for their dinners as they paid for us a few times. My mom slipped and told me that they are going to buy us a dryer - as an engagement/move in gift. I was really excited about that - saving us $300 to $400. So right now, things are changing fast and I feel sort of exhilirated and scared and happy and in love. I just love him so much, it's hard to think this would be possible. Regardless, my goal is to paint his living room and take up the carpet and clean up a lil before my parents get there. Argh ... so much to do. A lot to think on. What I loved what Wg saying "we're trying to save for our wedding." To hear him say our wedding ... it's just ... so odd to hear someone say this when I never thought I'd find someone. But I have and there is no one else I'd rather be with. I told fireman never to call me or see me again. MG I've ignored and have NO DESIRE to even talk to them or anyone else. I guess I'm whipped, hooked, I'm high on the drug. How sweet it was when I told WG that he should spend the night tonight since it'll suck if he leaves late (after dinner with my sister) tonight. He was so excited that I asked - he said he was worried I would get sick of him. I said, no honey I love you, why would I get sick of you? I'm moving in with you.... So we're both still kinda scardy cats with some things....protecting ourselves still in some ways. But open in a lot of ways - we're certain that we're going to get married, etc. I guess the past shit we've been through, it's hard to let yourself become unguarded ... and just ... let yourself love freely when you'd done that so quickly and easily before. You just don't know, but you think you know or maybe you do know. We both knew in our past relationships there were issues from the beginning. He went through a lot of what I went through ... with his ex and mine. We both were taken for granted. We weren't loved as we loved them, etc. Now, what we have, equality? 50/50? I adore the man, I really do. Just odd for me to say so. Tonight I know we're going to make love again, and it's always better when good things happen. Though I feel a lil burn-y downstairs. I'm irritated somehow - either I'm getting a yeast infection or the past weekend of continual loving still is evident. It's an annoying feeling - this burning feeling - downstairs. Kinda gross. But thankfully I'm getting my period next week - and will stop my pills on Saturday (would it be wrong to stop them on Friday??) Anyway - tonight I hope it gets better. The only really burny part is in the front. I took another yeast infection pill this morning, maybe I should take another. My only worry anymore is pregnancy. I'm worried yet I'm not. I guess it's easy to sort of hope for it as I do want his kids, etc. So maybe that's a day dream. I never thought I'd get married, and nor have kids. So getting married seems evident. Kids, now could be equally evident and do-able. Anyway ... I told my boss I was moving in with WG and she was happy and said how great he is and that she didn't know we were dating. Obviously now moving in. I don't know. I feel odd right now. Just .... happy .... and very scared. Someone please tell me they felt this scary-ness when they moved in with their boyfriends/girlfriends? I guess we prove hope for everyone ... our relationship. Two people thinking it'd never happen again. Me never thinking I'd get married ... him thinking the same ... it goes to show there is someone for everyone and just some time and hope and faith and patience .... forgiveness. I know I didn't forget what I did before, I forgave myself and moved on. Now ... I'm not looking back, knowing I'll never do it again. I'm in love now and nothing can break it or take it from me, I'd never do anything to hurt it. Things change, people change and you're to bitter and angry and sad to see this, then I hope one day you let it all go away and start again. All I know is waking up with boyfriend/soon-to-be-fiance' everyday will be nice and feeling that safety, that security ... that love. However, my mom saying that I'll miss my freedom. I guess now, is the time, when the freedom I craved now is set aside. I'd rather be with him, than alone. I miss him when I don't see him and maybe freedom, the meaning of it, is changing. 10:04 a.m. - 2006-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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