sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- happy It's hard to shake this scared feeling about moving in. I move in over Memorial Weekend with boyfriend. I'm turning in my "form" today to my apartment complex, it's just ... so much to do. I know I have to turn off my cable and phone and heating. Then go to boyfriends and get a phone line and all this shit. And to do this, all in 30 days. I have three empty boxes in my apartment right now. I keep looking at them. Last night as I was looking at them I asked WG ... "should I begin packing?" He chuckled and said ... "Yeah ...." Like I was nuts or asking "should I breathe?" I said...oh. He said we could start bringing stuff to his house. I just can't shake this feeling - it's surreal - I'm not yet used to the notion of "moving in." We talked about it yesterday and he said he's been really worried about me with being sick, then me feeling flippy about moving in. I said I was okay. But I dont' know if I am. Just scared - my first time out - and not wanting to fuck things up. I do want to move in with him. No doubt in my mind, just other doubts about things .... Regardless, he said again if he had the money he'd marry me today. He said, listen ... we'll get you moved in and settled in, and then start ring shopping. Enter panic attack 2. Marriage. Scary too. So I said, yes....okay .... I know I love you too. *hand in fist on steering wheel as a drive, knuckles turning white* .... Regardless my mom offered to buy us a queen mattress. I said, thanks but ... no. We can do this. I told WG that my sister wants to buy us a dryer and he got upset - feeling like a loser. I said no one thought that, they just are trying to help out. My parents are going to come down and help us move. I'm happy about that. I just really want to get his house in good condition...paint, etc. to make it look good. Tear up carpet, etc. etc. etc. New window things. Anyway ... other things - my sister said something stupid yesterday. We all were talking and I said how I wanted to paint. Suddenly she's like "why paint?" And I'm like...cuz it needs it....and she's like "well it's HIS house and if he wants to paint it, he can." I was like WTF was that. Sorry, but it's OUR HOUSE now. I was pissed at my sister for being STUPID. I wanted to say, "oh just like it's YOUR HOUSE when your boyfriend moved in?" Regardless, I hate the whole "HIS HOUSE" thing. Because if that happens ... then I will stay in MY APARTMENT. Though WG has never hinted at "HIS/MY HOUSE" more like "OUR." When I talk about moving in all my shit, I said "our furniture." I don't know. She did piss me off. Then asking about what we'll do with the doubles of things or if we talked about it. WG didn't really like her asking these things - etc. I said she was flippy. I hope she's not getting ignorant like her husband. He's a complete JACK ASS. I mean NO common sense, really .... a piece of work. Someone everyone asks "what does she see in him?" Anyway. Tonight I was going to go to the gym, but I am going home to PACK. Yes. I said PACK. I figure to start this NOW. Start tossing out and giving to goodwill. Eek. Just say...EEEK with me. I fancied how I could start violin lessons again, but sort of got that out of my mind ... thinking/figuring ... time and money issues. WG words echo in my head, "we're saving for our wedding...." I glanced at wedding books yesterday and felt a lil excited about planning a wedding ... a lil timid. I guess all this sudden change, is just hard to deal with. Keep thinking 30 days ... what'll happen? A week we'll live together, a month, 4 months and then ... 8 months later engaged? Lord. What a thing to think of. Anyway he spent the night last night. We both were in an odd mood. We lay there talking and kissing. Ending up having sex twice. What was odd was we both were kinda tired and I thought we'd just go to bed and sleep. Yeah ... no. It was hot for some reason, when we get in the mood, we get in the mood. I didn't come, and the second time, he was a minute man. Though he really ... thrusted a lil hard and fast the second time. He usually doesn't do that, usually careful with me, but increasingly ... is thrusting A LOT harder and faster. I don't mind, I do like it, though today I feel a lil ' raw downstairs/achy. That's my only complaint about ...I guess "rough" sex. Though, I adore him, completely. It's the best sex I've ever had in my life. I guess it's great that we found each other, on the same wave length and same needs. Cause I really am not in want of anything sexual ... not like before. Yikes. I threw away two of my vibrators and only kept my pocket rocket ... though haven't used it ... in maybe 3 weeks? No need to now. No need when he's spending the night ... Thursday-Sunday, Tuesday night. Only two nights without him ... I don't need a vib. LOL I guess that's just a good feeling. Eh. We love each other, everyone knows it and now everyone is waiting for the engagement. I can't wait to get off of these antibotics - my last day is Saturday, though I do feel better, I'll take them until the end. Though thinking Friday might just stop taking them at 12 ...? We've been using the pull-out method and it's really difficult when he has to rear up suddenly and pull out and catch it. My bed sheets .... need to be washed....really bad now. Yuck ... that's just gross. Today I'm thinking about how dumb ... I guess it is to use that method. I could get prego still - however remote, I guess the fact is always there. Regardless, eh. I'm happy --- 10:22 a.m. - 2006-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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