sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- forever is scary Major sex issues last night. My period came to a hault. So me and Wg went to see a movie, then got dinner. Soon it was bed time. Soon the circus began. For some reason, Wg gets hard, but then loses it. I think he's getting some sexual anxiety or it's from work stress. I'm not sure but this is the second time this has happend. It slightly worries me because he gets so so very upset. I know it's frustrating because I really felt like having sex. I knew it from the start though. Because usually when we start kissing, messing around he gets semi-hard to hard. But I reached down to nothing. I lay on top trying to get him hard, and he would get hard. Then as soon as I'd move my hand away or switch positions, he'd go limp quick. I knew it wasn't going to turn out good because it was JUST like before. So we attempted sex when he was hard a lil, but after a few thrusts I felt him go limp all over again. I tried to blow him back, did and the same thing happend. He was very upset and I was frustrated. So I got up and got dressed, went to the bathroom and sat on the side of the bed and told him it was okay. He got up and went to the bathroom and came back. We started kissing again with me sitting up. We started to get heavy and he was hard once again. I asked if he wanted to try it. And he did. So again, we did it, and I felt him go limp, but then felt him get hard again. FINALLY ... so I came again - which I NEVER did before, but seem to now, come every time, which is lovely. And he didn't come and stopped because he thought I was in pain/worried about me. He got close too, and I said he can't think about me cause then he won't finish. I said at least he stayed hard, etc. I'm not sure why he's having issues with staying hard and now...not coming. I think the pull out method fucked him up, stress is messing him up, me moving in, I think messes him up. I feel sorry for him because I know I'd be upset if I couldn't ... he kept saying it wasn't me, that he wanted to ... but for some reason couldn't. I tried a bj afterwards, but felt my period kick in and had to run to the bathroom. So that was it and I think he was frustrated with that. This morning the same thing, jacking him off then I changed position and boom ... limp. I just...am not getting it. Is this to much sex? But ... I keep thinking we haven't since Sunday night. Then Wednesday he came twice .... so I think we need some recoop time. Or he does? I don't know, just know we both get frustrated by this and he gets VERY upset. I tell him it's OKAY but he's not having that. I really don't know what to do. I told him we should only come once a night ... twice is what I think is fucking him up. He got very upset with that thought....I dont know. I know Sunday when I get home, we'll be okay when we have sex. I can't wait though, not sure what happend that now I come so easily with him. God that feeling though ... I never experienced something like that before - a toe curler, leg straightener ... yeowza. Regardless, he kept whispering last night, "do you really have to go ... do you really have to go tomorrow? I wish you didn't have to go ...." I said I'd be home Sunday and that'd be the last time I'd leave him ... and that I wish I didn't have to go but felt I do have to go. I don't know, but we're both whipped, joined at the hip, now. I mean I told him last night I didn't feel myself when he's not around and didn't feel right not seeing him. I don't know, we love each other so much it's scary. He said he wants to marry me now, today, tomorrow, but now. I hugged him and whispered, "why, I'm yours entirely I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to make me yours because I am yours and I'll always be yours." He liked that a lot. I don't know but I do know my period started up crazy again. Very heavy suddenly. I think my orgasm did it somehow...triggered the monsoon rush. Maybe this is it for it, and maybe it's good I'll be gone because I think we both need a rest from everything. I took Tuesday off, so we'll spend that day together. I don't know, but ring shopping, though scary I want to try, I keep thinking of us living together, me playing house. It's just odd and not to bad. He's "living" with me now...he's "moving in" with clothes and stuff. Ugh. I just realized I need to buy that boy some underwear, I dare say he only has like 2 or 3 pairs. Can that really be? Hell I have at least 20 pairs of underwear :) Geez ... what did his ex-wife do? I mean my family always makes sure the men are dressed to the 9's and the house is immaculate. His ex, didn't do any of that. Who cares, but still ... so many questions, with no answers. And sometimes answers isn't what I want. I don't know, I just know and yet still feel odd that I've finally found him this man I'm going to spend my life with. Why does it feel so scary and odd and surreal and unreal? I know, without doubt, that I want to be with him forever. I guess forever is scary. 9:46 a.m. - 2006-04-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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