sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- next year. These are still the lo, lean times with my living. I find myself with a quickly dwindling bank account ... a visa bill and cell phone bill looming at me. Food and gas has taken a back seat. I'm living for the 18th, when I'll get paid again. When, revived, I can begin to feel okay financially. Whereas right now, I feel meager and penniless. I cannot wait to move in with WG. Though this isn't the end all to my financial issues, it's a hell of a thing to now save $615 in rent, and end up paying just the bills for him, which should be around $400. So a savings is in exchange for my independence. I'll take it. Right now, to be able to put away at least $300 a month, or more, is heaven sent. I'm kicking myself for buying clothing as I did last month, which is what put me into finanical woe. But I'll survive, I keep saying July is the last month for rent. And in a week, I'll cut my cable up by $40. Right now I'm easing in, comfortably, into my relationship/future. WG has lived with me now ... 3 weeks? And no major tiffs yet. Just lil squabbles and stupid things, that moments later we're saying, why did we even get upset? That was stupid. We've been working on his house like mad. This past weekend was horribly busy. And he, the bastard male he is, has lost some weight with it already. I don't know if I have, but Saturday I scrubbed his bathroom and it was the most disgusting thing. I don't think it's been cleaned - the floors - for at least 2 or more years. The corners were filled with muck, I found so many long strands of hair - from his ex-wife or from her kid ... it disgusted me. I scrubbed every inch of it. Afterwards, we painted his bedroom halfway. Sunday we came back, finished that (which took all day again), I scrubbed the floor in there and put down floor revive ... two rooms down, two to go. We have yet to paint bathroom, living/dining/hallway, tear up carpet in living/dining/hallway. Me scrub and rearrange kitchen, he brought out dishes his mom gave him ... etc. etc. SO SO SO much to do. My parents come up the week after to help fix things we do not know how to. I go to the gyn on Friday, however have been feeling a lil odd downstairs. Like itchy ... praying it's not yeast infection. NOT AGAIN. Really! I know on Wednesday Wg accidentally hurt me downstairs as I sat on the bed and he put his fingers in me and my legs weren't open enough ... it hurt. Then we tried to mess around later and it just ... hurt down there. We haven't had sex since Friday night. So tonight we're both in hopes of getting a lil since we're sorta in "need." Ha. He's much more ... "in need" now.... I think my drive has slowed down a lil because where are times when I don't feel like kissing or doing anything and he does. Hm. Anymore I'm not feeling like I want sex ... I mean I do, but not like before. I guess knowing you have it whenever, is what does that to me? Or him still having issues ... he can't yet come in me ... though gets close. So he takes a long time, which women would CLAMOUR for, however it begins to hurt my hips and my legs and my back with him on me for that long. I miss those minute man days.I guess I can't complain. Though I know next time we have sex, it'll still be that oddness with him coming in me. But he'll get over it, I'm sure as it's been a while since we've had sex. Yesterday he actually asked for a blow. I didn't do it, but was shocked that he asked. I don't know, but secretly it's a turn off that he has this problem of coming now. When before he shot so quick and then it was over. Now it's like I go and then he's still trying to. He gets the feeling, but .... I don't know, mentally still thinks he shouldn't. Ugh. I don't know, sex is complicated. So many issues to contend with. Regardless, we're going to go ring shopping this week something. Scary as it may be, at least it'll get done. I'm worried about Friday, hate to go get my coo inspected for imperfections. Hoping I don't smell down there, hoping it doesn't hurt - though I know it will - when they put in the spectulum. Maybe with the sex I've had, it'll be better, last time I went, I'd only had "sex" twice ... that was just inserting and that's it. No thrusting. So.... uh....maybe this time will not be as painful? I hope sooo cuz that reallllllly hurt last time. Felt like she was cutting my insides. I know I shouldn't psyche myself out, as I am. Just get the shit over with, then I won't go again until next year. :) 10:46 a.m. - 2006-05-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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