sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- simply amazing I need to sleep and rest again. I told Wg this morning as I lay in bed, "what happend to those days where we had nothing to do, and we had "nothing days" where we did nothing...." He laughed and said he didn't know where those days went either. Nowadays, we're both overly busy, waking up early, going to bed late. We are weekend warriors every week, for the past month. I told him we need a break, and we really do. I'm tired all the time and so is he. So we're trying to relax a bit this weekend. Though I think, what about washing clothes? Because we need to. And I don't have money for quarters. I get paid on Thurs/Fri and my bank account hold less than 100 dollars. I'm so very frustrated at living on a shoe string still. I know some people live like this for years and years. But I'm very tired of it. Living as I do/did in my apartment, there is no way I'd ever get ahead. SO I'm overjoyed to move in with WG and not have to pay rent, but simply pay bills. Only two more rents to pay, in all reality, a month and a half to go. Regardless, we're both shoe string living until we move in together and then I can help him pay his bills and relieve that tension and most of all, save for our wedding and honeymoon. I got excited about getting married yesterday. I also know I want a very very simple wedding. No thrills and silly things like garder dances. Small, intimate, wedding. We're ring shopping again today. I found one on the Zales website that I really liked, and it was on sale too. I want a cheaper ring - as 2,000 is my range (but will go up to $3,000) ... as I don't want anything flash. Just simple and elegant. I'm looking at three emerald cut diamonds in the middle and a few small ones on the side. I also have been thinking of getting a solitare. But not to sure yet. It's just very hard to ring shop, when it's like, oh my God, next year I'll be married in October. We're thinking Oct. 13, 2007. The dress I want, I found on the net, but scared to order w/o seeing it first. Etc. I want a simple dress, no long train, no busseling, no diamond tiara's and silk gloves. I guess you can call me Martha Stewart on a budget. Greedy to not want to spend a mint on a wedding, so that we may have a good honeymoon. Maybe that's selfish. But our list of people we'd invite is already at 60 - 65 people. I want to cut it by 5 couples. Oh well, we'll see ... just so expensive to do anything anymore. It's crazy. But I do want something at least. It's just hard when you're on a budget, how I'm living right now, with no money in savings, etc. It's like how is this going to happen even!??!?! I guess once I move in and see how much money I'll save .... then I can see what I'll have by next year. Oh well, my parents are giving us $5,000 for the wedding. That'll pay for most of it. I know. Also knowing that ... if I keep it small .... maybe it'll pay for all of it. Anyway. I feel really good right now. With my gyn appointment under my belt - all is well - and two months of birth control now - and my dental appointment went good too. It's smooth sailing until next year when I fret yet again about having a spectulum shoved in. I go back to the dentist in November. 6 Months from now. It's shocking in a way, to know in 7 months I'll be engaged. I guess I just dream of the day I can wear a ring around and wear it always. He said he'd marry me tomorrow if he could. The boy loves marriage, living together, I can see. I guess we both were sort of lonely before. Right now I couldn't wake up without him next to me. We're getting used to each other all the time, and anymore, I feel like finally my life is starting and things happening. Moving yet again in my life, I can't wait until July when I move in with him. I really cannot wait. Odd to think that in a few weeks my birthday will be here too. I'll be *gulp* 29 years old. And in this year of being 29, I will be married. And hopefully by the time I'm 30 or 31 I'll be pregnet. Man. Life, sometimes, sneaks up on you, and from a time where it was slow and boring, life has shoved and moved me into hyper speed and now things go by so fast and anymore, I wish for it to slow down a lil. We both say, once we move in, we'll have a lot more time together. I hope so. I really do. Our pace now, I'm very tired of. I told him we're going to slow down with the weekends .. just for a bit. All we've left to do is paint ... simply paint. Oh well. I wish I'd get a new job too. A pay raise would help us out sooo much. WG told me of how they might hire a new graphic artist here, just a rumor. And they might hire one on for another team. Another rumor. I said I'm not holding my breath as they always seem to do this and then decide not to hire me or some lame excuse. I wont' think of it, as it'll upset me greatly. I sometimes think on working as a secretary ... more pay, less hours, mindless work. I don't know. Or working in Chicago ... but I won't attempt this until I move in with WG as where he lives, is somewhat near the train stations to Chicago. Where I live, there are none - unless I drive 20-30 mins! No thanks. Anyway, I know when I get prego, I willl go to working part time. I want to raise my child, I know that much, and hoping that I can have two of them quickly and then get my tubes tied and that's that. Or three of them (this is only if we have all boys or all girls - we'll try again). He really wants a boy, I want a girl. I'm feeling as if we'll have a boy first, just a feeling. He says he knows it'll be a girl. Who knows, I said what about twins? Ha. No. I'll be happy just to get knocked up. I have a feeling I might have issues, though my mom says with our genes I'll get pregnet reallllly fast. No one in my family - both sides - has ever had troubles getting prego. Eh. That's future stuff. I was thinking this morning about MG for some reason. Our lunch time fucks. This one day, I got out of my car and got dirt on the leg of my pants. As I walked up the stairs he was swatting it off my leg, to clean it off. At that moment, his very touch, just something as simple as that, just disgusted me. To think now, that a man, any man other than my WG touching me, just disgusts me. I can't imagine being with any other man. Especially the other night, after a round of "going limp yet again" ... and a too long sex session, WG went out to watch tv and I lay there. Eventually falling asleep. I woke up at 2 when he crawled in bed and he kissed me and said goodnight. Then something happend as we started kissing so passionately and then had the best sex we've ever had. We both don't know what happend ... he said he didn't plan it and I said I'd just woken up and didn't know what was going on. I guess it goes to show what we have, it's a very strong bond. And sex, is very important to our relationship I think. It doesn't hinge on it, granted it took forever to do, but we work with each other and try to please each other. It's what makes good sex, not how a person fucks you or kisses you, but the emotional part. I never realized it before. But the sex, was simply amazing. 8:57 a.m. - 2006-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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