sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- love him. Duh. I forgot my password on here. I've been away for a bit. I got rid of DSL, so I'm back to Dial-up. On that, I have only have 5 hours of this until June 2nd - then I go to unlimited dial up. So right now, the internet, is a luxury for me at home. I'm on my sisters laptop as my computer's modem seems to be fried? Or else, it's that cord that leads to it ... well it got caught before when I was closing the case, and bent it all up. That might be the culprit. Regardless, a laptop from years ago (equate that to SLOW) is what I'm using until I move into boyfriends house - where he has a gateway (ugggh) and a workin' modem (yay) .... Regardless folks....what I'm here for: I found my ring. Equate that to engagment ring. And that's why I think there is a "gag" in engagement. Cause I felt so friggin scared and excited and scared and happy and all of those things. We got a lot of "congratulations" and I felt like my stomach was going to turn over. I got a "vintage look" ring - square cut, with diamonds encircling the top diamond and diamond beneath it, and above it - diamonds, diamond everywhere. Think of something from the 20's. Though the lady said it looked very "victorian." She said "with your long fingers this ring looks excellent on you." That didn't sell me, but every other ring I tried on, did not compare to it. I just knew that was the ring. So he signed up for credit and we both waited nervously and found out his limit was $4,000. My ring wasn't that much and I joked that I should've picked another diamond. We got the ring at Jared's - I'll have to take a pic and post it. So now, is the when is he going to ask me? Thoughts. My mom said that ring outta burn a hole in his pocket - and so did my friend. He went from "I was going to ask you in December ...." To "I was going to ask you in October..." .... To last night .... "I might ask you Tuesday when we pick up the ring." Hm. The Tuesday thought, might be off as .... well it was sort of "pillow talk." We'd decided not to have sex, and I saw that my period had stopped (just starting on Sunday) ... for a moment stopped entirely ... and we said we'd just kiss. Suddenly kissing turned into more and him saying, let's get naked (new for him to be telling ME that) and him ripping off his clothing and me kinda like...uh ... okay, slowly taking off mine and watching in rip off his.... like .. uh..... mmkay. We ended up having sex. The new thing now, is he still is a minute man. I mean maybe 5 minutes until he goes. He says he's trying to get better, but last night I didn't even GET him ready, I didn't even touch him ... and he still went that fast. What was so fucked up was not like he hadn't just come hours prior -- morning stuff --- ... so I'm kind of like how do you make him last longer?? Right now I'm "okay" with it cause I really was more worried about my period than getting off last night (thank god it didn't do anything). ANYWAY, afterwards he was saying that he was thinking of asking me Tuesday. And I'm like ... no you won't. Ugh. I dont know I sort of want it "romantic" however, I'm thinking ... just friggin ask me. But then I'm like, well we wont get married for like a frickin year and a half!! (Scheduled date is Oct. 13, 2007) I dunno but it's best now so we can pay off the ring, my visa and then save for our wedding/honeymoon. ANYWAY. A very bad thing happend to me on Thursday. I don't think I wrote in here about it. But married guy stopped by my apartment at lunch time. I told him that we weren't going to "do that" but we could talk. So we chatted as I ate lunch and I was like, okay cool. So afterwards he started making moves. Major moves and I said NO. He said just a kiss, I said NO. He started grabbing me and pulling me and pushing my hands away and I said STOP. It was getting to the point where I thought I was going to get raped as he purred that he knows I want it and that I'm sooo sexy and I can't leave him this hard. I said STOP. He held my hands behind me and kissed my neck and then my breasts .... I squirmed away and said, "YOU NEED TO GO." And he held me again. I swear I was ready to cry and I said that I needed to get back to work, he blocked my way and he grabbed my hand and shoved it into him and said that I couldn't leave him like that, all he wanted was a blow or a hand job and make out. I got to the door and he held that shut too and I forget how I got away, I think I walked back into my kitchen and he followed, and I grabbed my purse and opened my apartment door and held it open as he grabbed me from behind and held me yet again, this time grinding himself into me. I struggled away and left ... it was fucked up. BUT I FOUGHT HIM OFF, didn't give in. It was disgusting. I called my boyfriend crying cause I was so upset. He wanted to kick his ass and I said I didnt' even know his last name. I felt so dirty and bad and horrible. I swear I felt like I was about to get raped because of how he was grabbing me (bruises are apparent on my arms) ... and it was stupid of me to think he just wanted to "talk." Anyway, I feel OKAY about it now, I was very upset about it all weekend though. I know his car and if I see it again, I'm going to drive on. I can't wait to move out, I know I probably should've called the cops, but it's his word against mine and ... fuck I invited him in...etc. etc. I just felt so whore-ish. So gross. And him grabbing my crotch and boobs and him smashing his lips into mine, was disgusting to say the least. Ugh. I just wish he'd go away forever. I though he had....but ...I dont' know. ANYWAY. Out with the bad, and in with the new/good. I'm not going to dwell on it, just happy that I didn't give in. But I kept telling him, "I love him that's why I won't." I guess I do love him. 9:47 a.m. - 2006-05-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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