sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all that matters. I've fallen on the wayside. In a major way. I wish I could update more, but most of my updates would be about moving in and wedding planning and finding a new job. I'm so tired of those three things, that I really don't want to bore everything with them again, everyday and always, eternally bitching about them. What is the news of the week: I found a wedding photographer - a friend here at the newspaper. Well friend to my fiance' ... he's giving us 3 hours of photos, free proof book and free CD with all our photos on it. Also taking our engagement pics. All for $650. He's a great photographer here at the paper, award winning, etc. He takes good photos and that price you cannot beat ... giving us the pics? That's like GOLD. Also I have the place I want my wedding on hold. It's at a country club -- go to White Hawk Country Club in Crown Point Indiana and you can see where I'll be at (click on banquets). I'm reserving the gazebo (to get married on) and a small room with a fireplace in it. The food is good and the place is nice, great bar, etc. etc. for our small wedding (50 people) ... on Oct. 13, 07! Me and WG are going around and around about plated dinner verses buffet verses family style. We had a "tiff" last night about it as I said MY MIND IS made up I want plated!!! And he got pissy wanting more "variety" and more "food." My mom thinks it's cause there is italian sausage in it and my LOVER is all about fucking "Italian" ... BULL SHIT.... and I'm wanting to say, WELL THERE ARE ONLY A FEW COMING FROM YOUR FAMILY, the majority is MY FAMILY. And you don't see ME wanting sAUerKRaut and fucking blitzes and shit (I'm german/swedish). Regardless, I will *not* bend on my plated dinners. I'm letting him do our candy apple favors (carmel apples) -- we're having a bakery make them and we're going to put ribbon and design a hang tag for them. Sooo this wedding shit is driving me bananas. We're not getting a DJ, but a string trio to play ... and also going to bring a stereo - make a cd for background music. OTHER THAN THIS: I move in ... now in a month!!! Yikes!!!!! We're done painting the living room, not just need to paint bathroom, caulk tub and regrout some areas. That's it. We're both happy and relieved this is nearly over - this house renovation. Last thing we're doing is putting up the curtains I bought so so so long ago at Ikea. Now it's the hauling of the rest of my shit ... and then putting it all away ... and me cleaning/scrubbing out cabinets and windows .... etc. etc. etc. We're excited though. He's just excited I'm letting him do his taffy apple idea for the favors ... geez. I asked him to ask his sister if she'd like to be in the wedding. She gets so excited when we talk about it. I figure it'd be nice to include her, though I worry about her paying for the dress ... I choose and the shoes, etc. etc. She's very thin though. and ... dont' know if she'll do it. She has obvious mental problems and physical issues due to years of anorexia..... We'll see though. And it's sad that his father might put a fight for a tux ... and the costs of that. Etc. etc. etc. So it's just very stressful in my life right now. TO TOP THIS ALL OFF I bounced TWO CHeCks! My debit card/account was locked. I was charged two $20 fees for the bounced checks. So today I had to call up and ask for them to unlock my account (got paid) and then had to beg for at least one of the fees to be taken off (thanks to Pooks telling me how he got out of fees)....so the bitchy woman took one of the fees off. So July is my last rent. :) And then I'll get $300 back from my deposit. And finally be financially OK. I'm also looking for a new job. I feel my career is kaput and I've applied for two jobs - a coordinator and a secretary. Right now where I work they need a HR assistant. I'm applying for that too. Contemplating applying also for a staff writer here. Who knows. Ya know? I mean anymore I just don't give a fuck, I just want better pay and less hours. Being a secretary would do that, isn't that sad? Anyway ... it's been just a hard week. I mean my birthday was Tuesday, I'm 29 now. Then finding out that I couldn't get the hall I wanted and was settlingn for just an OK one. Then finding out that the woman messed up and I can get the hall that I wanted. So everyone is happy ... in a sense ... I guess. My wedding is coming along pretty good, got discount on photos and a chef who writes here at the paper said she'd do my cake for free. So ... I have to lose weight still and do a million other things. I'm feeling slightly depressed about all the things I have to do anymore. I know a lot of this will be relieved once I move in with fiance/WG. He's been good and we had fun on my bday (he took me to the zoo) ... he's excited about the wedding. Anymore it's like we're already married. We've gotten to a point in the relationship where sex is just sex .... you know at first it's all exciting and you get nervous. Now I'm not, and he's seen me completely naked. Etc. He still has issues with coming fast ... which is okay sometimes. But last night he went to long, so we took a break and when we went back he came quick. I haven't....finished in a while. Maybe a week. Not by his doing, but my own body and my mind not concentrating. I start thinking about everything. And suddenly I lose the sensation and then it's gone. I'm so stressed right now, I think my mind is about to crack sometimes. I'll try to update more, but anymore I'm just tired of talking and doing things. I want a day to rest and do nothing and watch tv ........... alone. I love him, always and forever, but lately I've just wanted some alone time, just to bum and just to do whatever I want without someone questioning me or bothering me. I know when he's gone I do miss him. But sometimes I miss my old life. Not that I'd ever want that back, but sometimes, that alone, nothing to do .... life .... is something I miss. Though I could never see myself without my fiance/WG in my life. I mean ... man alive I adore/love that boy and know he adores me and loves me. That's all that matters. 2:29 p.m. - 2006-06-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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