sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- yay. I am 100% bored at work. I went and saw Superman last night, it was pretty good. I adore men with black hair and blue eyes. Yum. I loved Spacey in it, he always plays a good psycho. Or whatever, needy man. In American Beauty, he was fantastic. I love movies like that. Regardless, I finally finally cleaned out my storage closet in my apartment. It's been a very large torn in my side ever since I uttered the words I'm moving out ... then felt the doom and gloom of having to clean out that mess. So the wall in my "dining room" is covered with boxes from the storage closet ... I'm thinking one good car load just might take all, if not the majority of it. I am getting nervous about getting everything out of my apartment before move in day. I don't know why I'm getting so nutty, I mean if it's not done, then it's no biggie that I'll have to haul it all on moving day. I guess I just want a smooth move. Not like the first time when I moved and a billion boxes later I was moved in. It's odd to think that I haven't yet lived there a year and I'm already moving out. I guess that's the apartment biz cause I always see people moving in and out all the time. My building alone I've seen 2 people move out, two move in. Right now the older man down stairs is moving out ... I think he's been there a while. You can sort of tell via the curtains they have in their apartments. Thick, white curtains. I wonder if they are ones they put up ages ago ... whereas now they have mini blinds. Anyway, I'd hate to think of that carpet in there. I've only lived in my apartment a year and already my carpeting looks pretty shabby. It's grey, but so easy to stain or look like shit. I have to scrub a few areas before I leave (did this once already). Regardless, the next feat after finishing up the boxes from the storage closet .... is my own closet. I've already taken shoes over, but now it's CLOTHING time. Which isn't TO bad ... since I'm going to have to retain a lot. Not to mention I am going through my closet again to give things to goodwill. I've done this twice so far this year and each time produced a very large bag, if not to bags of clothing. Okay okay ... I used to be a clothes horse. Now I'm more of a clothes pony. I just don't have the money to do it and besides I'm mostly busy buying stuff for Work Guy/Fiance'. Or I go to sales. Just like my heart break that Old Navy by me is no long carrying plus size clothing. So yet again I am shunned from the "cool store" and now back to online buying - ala' ... cloaked clothes buying. I went yesterday to try to grab some deals before they completely toss all the plus size! It's all on clearence right now. I actually tried on clothes - usually I'll get a 26 because their clothes run small sometimes. Thank God I tried them on as none fit - to big. Way to big. It was kind of like, yay ... yet kind of like damn that sucks cause I really liked those pants... Of course all the 24's were sold and I think I could do a 22 but didn't want to go try on stuff again. Fiance was upset that they didn't carry his size (3x shirt/46/48 pant). I bought a men's tshirt in a 2x to see if it'd fit him, if not I'd wear it (it was $5). So it was a good trip to Old Navy, cause I got to use my 10% off coupon from some online survey. I also bought a gaucho dress - a while ago - and it's so fucking lovely. It's brown and to the ground, but flares when you walk. I swear you feel like a princess when you wear the thing. It's hard to get a shirt to wear with such things as I do not wear tank tops since I dislike my arms. So tee-shirts look odd, but I bought a fancy one at TJ Maxx - in a light tan and then bought a black one. I plan to wear the outfit to dinner with my parents one night. Though the skirt ... Well Wg/Fiance has this thing now with the ass. I feel odd typing this, but he likes booty now. He is always grabbing my ass ... actually goosing me ... and wearing that dress, will be a good handful for the boy as there isn't the material to bar against a good goosing. Not that I mind, but the boy has this fasination lately. Like when we're intimate, he somehow has the "green light" for booty play and I'm not to keen on it. I told him if he wants to begin that, we have to talk about it, but he says no no ... I like what we do now. Yet what did I find last week when I feel a finger going for the glory and me saying hey...honey....Hey.....HONEY....HEY! STOP! We both laughed about it, but it's just an odd thing to deal with. Not that I mind. But my lil WG/fiance/Mr. Innocent, where did my little boy go? Last night after the movie we got home at 12:40-1:00. I was tired and we went directly to bed. He started kissing me and soon it got hot and heavy and I'm wondering what happend to "let's go to bed?" Regardless, I was OK with messing around but he did something last night that he's *never* done. He talked about before how sometimes he gets TO aggressive ... and I never quite believed him. But last night I finally saw it. I was on top kissing and suddenly he's pulling my head to his mouth and kissing me so hard. I tried not to freak out, but slowly pushed his hands off of me and slowed down a little bit. Not that I was afraid he'd hurt me or ever do anything bad to me, but it was a bit of a freak-out moment. What followed was a "I want you now" whisper and then that was that........... THEN, afterwards we lay there talking and suddenly he's hard all over again. And then moments later he's kissing me very aggressively again. Another "whoa" moment, then he's on top and there we are again a second time. I'm still sort of feeling like "whoa" due to the hard kissing. I liked it, but it felt more rough than I'm used to. I'm figuring it was a fluke. Or else I'll have to whisper "slow down" like I have in the past. Our love making has suddenly revved up. It went from like 4 days a week to like nearly everyday. Last week we had sex Thursday through Sunday, we skipped Monday and then last night did it twice. I'm getting the feeling that I'm a walking sperm bank. And consquently today sore from Mr. Aggressive last night. I'm just hoping this aggression isn't from a mini fight we've had...like he's conquering me somehow? I know what an odd thought, but sometimes after a fight it's just like you want to pound some to get that frustration out. Maybe that's it as we've both be very stressed. We haven't argued that much ... usually we only do it when we're both tired (aka working on the house). But now the house is like nearly done and things are wrapping up. Maybe this is a breather. Or else, I should be happy with the amount of sex I'm getting. The bad thing is ... I haven't come in over three weeks. Not sure why, but WG/fiance is worried that he's not doing something right. I think it's purely me. Sometimes I can't concentrate. And anymore I keep think that I won't (shouldn't think that) and then thinking well he comes fast, so I won't anyway. I sort of miss it as before every time we had sex I came. Now I get the hint of it, and get close, but no cigar. It's staring to worry me slightly but I'm chalking it up to stress. I think I might turn to the ol vibe because I need some release. Granted he has gotten better with a lot of things, but ... I need to tied myself over as it's been such a long time. WG/fiance says that we shouldn't have to do that, but I keep it a secret since I don't do it all that often (only twice before). I don't want to upset him with that because he already tries hard to make me finish. Anyway, sorry to talk on sex, but sometimes it weighs on my mind. He talked to my ex last night and now ex knows that we're moving in and we're getting married. He didn't say shit other than "Jen's a great girl, give her my love." WG/Fiance didn't like the "give her my love" comment. He's gotten sort of possessive lately about things like that. This guy was looking at me - at the zoo - this lil guy with a large girlfriend with a kid (she had like 200 lbs on him) ... and for some reason kept looking at me, etc. I figured maybe he thought he knew me or whatever. WG/fiance stared him down and shot him a look. I was like....no whatever. Then while getting ice cream, the guy serving me was being nice/chatting, etc. maybe flirting a lil just to be fun and WG got upset sort of and asked if I'd told him that I was engaged. I said....no why would I? I mean not like the guy was asking me out, but just a small conversation. Other than that, he's cool, but that's just society. I know girls will look/flirt with him and guys will do the same to me. I know that he'd never cheat and I know that I never would either so I don't get all bothered by it. I dunno. I guess that's just part of the relationship, when you get something good you dont' want to lose it or whatever. But ... eh I'd never leave him, never ever unless he did something completely stupid. And vice versa. I've learned my lesson two fold with my past and have cleared it all up and now feel back to my old self - prior to being fucked up. Faithful, etc. Now that I'm engaged, I simply will not do anything to mess up this good relationship. At first I was shakey cause I didn't know if it'd last, but now I know for certain. Regardless gotta get back to work. He's making dinner tonight. :) Yay. 9:37 a.m. - 2006-06-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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