sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fuck fest What a long weekend. My horribly, nasty cracked nail feels 100% better - slightly achy, but slowly has become usable again. I go Sat. for a manicure. I also am very broke. It sucks. But ... fiance said he'd help me out (as I DID buy groceries and stuff for the house ... for us. But I said, I have $30 in my bill fold and just need to buy gas, that's it for this week and next week we get paid. Other than this, he emailed me at work and said he was going to surprise me, but thought it best to talk about it just in case. His friend at work - cat - is having kittens. So he wants to adopt one and I'm thinking. Potty training. Kitten ... potty training. Declaw ... neuter or spray ... vet bills, shots. $$$$$ So I played it cool and said that's a good idea, but let's check the costs and see if we CAN do this. Regardless, we're still talking about it and have a good month or two before the kittens are born/ready to leave the "nest." I'm thinking about adopting two ... or else adopting an older cat at the humane society. I'm thinking $$ buying litter box, food, litter, toys, etc. etc. etc. I guess money is on my mind as money is what I lack right now. Fiance is going to "join forces" with me and we're going to join accounts. So no longer will be it "who's paying for dinner" more like well we share the same account, so "we're" paying. The move - wasn't to bad and living with him isn't to bad either. I have been quietly scared and panicked thinking what if we didn't work out and where I'd go and all my stuff, what I'd do ... horrible. He says that'd never happen, he loves me and could never lose me. I feel the same, but still the mind questions. I've tried to pan it off. I know we get along, but at times argue over the stupidest things, and then we're okay. I think we argue when we're both over tired and stressed. We haven't had sex for four days, until last night. It was due to all the moving, being very tired, etc. Last night he pissed me off slightly about something stupid and I went to bed w/o him. He came in, maybe an hour later and I lay there quiet. He got in bed and turned and flopped around. I sighed. He sighed. He put it arm on me. I shifted and he took it off, flopped around and put it on me again, this time attempting to touch my boobs. I was like...no...what the hell .... so I got up and went to the bathroom. I got back in bed and he's like "are you awake?" I was like, no I have cramps. He's like turn around. Me: Why? He's like turn around. SO I turn around kind of like what the hell. And I snuggle into my pillow and he's all breathy and says, "oh are you tired? Do you want to mess around??" I say, " uh okay ....are you horny? Beca......" By then his face is smashed into mine. Yeah. My lil boy was *on fire*. He was shaking as he kissed me and his hand went everwhere. It was kind of hot in a way, and I slid my hand down and he was soooo ready. Usually he's not - not in the beginning, but he ... wow. I let him entirely have his way, he called the shots, I was just along for the ride. So we finally christiened the bedroom and though it sort of hurt when we started having sex - I think it's me not being fully ready, but I figured he'd come fast like he normally does ... and of course he did. Plus with my chest cold (slight) it was hard to breath and me wheezing, I felt like I was suffocating with every thrust. Sometimes, it's like Thank God he comes fast. It's funny how the work up starts, you start off so slow and take all this time getting each other ready ... but then sex lasts like 3-5 minutes. Or 10 or 20 if he's having issues. So quick, short ... and yet so serious. I am completely okay now with using birth control as protecting, seeing my sister having issues getting prego. She said there is nothing to worry about. Regardless, it's funny to think we've only been having sex for three months. And I'm boggled by how his ex-wife, never had sex with him. I don't think they ever consumated the marriage. He said he never had sex in the house we're in. I guess I can only believe him ... but it's hard to believe. But I guess she was psycho. I think she was cheating from day one. As holding sex off saying it was coz you're hating your body....is just bunk. Regardless. Sometimes I feel like I need to fuck him just for him to know that I do love him. He gets so needy sometimes ... affection? Not sure. I enjoy sex, I do. But lately I've been feeling like shit (pms/chest cold) ... that I haven't really been "in the mood." Maybe he'd die if he knew, as he gets odd when I say I'm not in the mood ... but truthfully ... I guess I can't be as sexually needy as men are. Especially when it's me who has to clean up the mess ... last night especially. When no wet spot is present, that means you're going to be a fucking mess down there. Regardless, I pulled out my weight wa t ch e r s books and have been flipping through them. I've been still cleaning/putting shit away from the move. Sometimes it's like how did you live so filthy before? She obviously never, ever cleaned. Seriously. And him, the smells emitting from old dirty clothes ... I thought I would throw up (so I just threw them in the trash). Ugh, I'm tired from last night, wondering if tonight he won't find that energy again, another fuck fest. 3:54 p.m. - 2006-07-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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