sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THANK GOD! I got a friggin cold this week. Still battling it, took some Tylen ol cold meds and they make me loopy and hot and tired and cranky and no attention span. So today at work everyone is like "feelin' better" you okay? How are you? I'm like I took 1/2 day yesterday and today everyone is acting like I was gone a week! When I was sick a week, no one even asked how I was. Things are changing a bit in my job - well not really - but I'm learning how to do scanning now - because the manager died in that department. VERY tragic - this guy was young and got killed by this police chase... he had a wife and 6 yr old. Everyone at work is distraught. To me, he was the guy that annoyed me by walking by and always snapping his fingers and drumming his hands on everything .... but he was so very nice, what a great guy ... gone out of someone's stupidity and selfishness, that boy now will have no father. And the mother, loss of joy of a full family, all due to a 22 year old with a long record of small crimes, now has murder on his name. Regardless, they are training to help with the department as it's always in need. So I said I'd help - merely because you get overtime! I know that's bad, but in a way I am helping because though I didn't know him, I do feel sorry for the family and everyone who knew him close. He seemed like a great man, never saw him not smiling...it's a shame. So I start in that tomorrow training, not sure when I'll get the "overtime" aspects. I also am applying for a diff. job in the company. Advertising Admin. assist. I dont' know if I'll get it, it does involve a lot of things. And what is great is my job now is very very needed - I mean it involves A LOT and being on TOP of everything. So I guess that's good. I never have hopes as I always get fucked and maybe they won't like that I don't have some dumbass "administrative experience" ... but working the jobs I have, and with the public, well hell ... I'm qualified for it. I can just hope I guess, that's all I can do anymore. I sort of just don't care any more. So much shit is always going on in my life, I barely have time for myself ... I miss... I miss my old life sometimes, I guess you shouldn't bash those things you take for granted. When I wished I was busy all the time, now I am ... and I'm tired of it. Just want to veg and not worry about bills, the wedding, my family, my sister prego ... all of these things...I swear wish they'd LET UP. I realized the other day I nag my fiance to much. I can't help it, but he annoys me a lot sometimes with little things. I tell him so he'll STOP and not annoy me, but then it's a fucking battle and I'm like I TELL YOU SO WE DON'T GET IN A FIGHT CAUSE I WANT TO FUCKING PUT A PILLOW OVER YOUR FACE AT NIGHT. Eh. We both laugh at that. I guess that is LIFE. I used to get scared of these mini arguments, but in reality that spells out a HEALTHY relationship. If anything, our communication is very very open. And I love him so much sometimes and sometimes he loves me so very much and sometimes I feel like I'd die without him and sometimes I just want to be alone. Does anyone really know what they really want? I just keep on going with the flow. I love him, that's all I know and am happy we're waiting a year (plus some) to get married. Regardless, I better go, I can leave work and I'm sitting here why? I'm making mac n cheese (from scratch) tonight for dinner. We had lovely - sex last night. We really missed each other in that area. I missed it too - and didn't realize it until last night. Tonight we're supposed to again ... we'll see .... Oh we're looking at dogs at the humane society this weekend....I want one, but part of me doesn't. Guess we'll let God make that destiny/choice/whatever. I do believe God puts whatever into your life ... things that he knows you can handle ... deal with, learn with. Whatever. TOMORROW is Friday THANK GOD! 4:46 p.m. - 2006-08-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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