sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- indifferent How does this happen? I'm friggin sick again. Yeah again. And my once "I'm never sick" claims have now gone into some sorted lie folder in the ongoing sage of myself. So this time it's a chest cold. A nasty, gross cold. It's been brewing inside for quite some time - with an achy chest, then ears hurting, now it's here and getting worse and worse it seems. So I called the doctor and the woman says, "next appointment is in November...." So I laugh. I say, well by then I'll be well. So I spoke to the nurse and I go in tomorrow at 2:30. I think also what lead to this, is my engagment pictures. Odd as it sounds, it was chilly the day we took them, I was outside, cold and smiling for an hour. They are on the net, but I'm not feeling like I want to go through posting it. So here's a link you can cut and paste. I'm lazy, I'm sick, sorry. http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/store.aspx?p=32735 Regardless, I'm tired right now and it's 1000 degrees in the office and it's not helping me out. I'm taking off tomorrow, already have the co-worker who fills in for me, in line. I dread having to watch the dog, and my vacation/weekend trip w/ my sister might have to be cut because I don't particularly feel like traveling 5 hours and battling snow. Yes there is snow in Michigan where my parents are - it melts, but still they have showers. So I'm pretty much, feeling pootie. And what is hard is that fiance developed cold sores, gross. I've never had them so I'm not kissing him until they go away. He's pissy about that, but I said, look I'm sick too, so what's the difference? It's just a kiss. So anyway, I'm boiling in my body right now. It's like they kicked the heat on, and as the heat rises from downstairs, it doubles the cooking temp. up here. My boss is complaining. She says she can't concentrate, and I agree. I'm still upset about money, and feeling like I need to bottle this upsetness cause fiance gets really upset and it's just not good. It sucks as it is, with me being sick, no messing around, if I'm put on antibotics, that's really no messing around. So it sucks, but at least, I can go to the doc and finally get a "this is why your chest has been hurting" answer. I also, am boggled yet again. I still, I realize, I still hate my ex. I see him nearly everyday and I daydream of how I could be so cruel and mean to him as how he treated me. I'm over it, but maybe that pain is still there? It pisses me off that he's with someone, some dope, and I'd prayed he'd end up alone because someone so selfish doesn't deserve to be with anyone. But alas, he got married quick as the girl is "religious" and in that, they were "living in sin." Though, if she's catholic, merely her divorce is sin enough ... and his divorce and what he did to me, lord that boy is going to hell. But alas, he's so "religious" now ... he has a bible on his desk. Makes me laugh, just because you go to church doesn't mean you're "cleared" or a better person. You have to start that within yourself, not within church. I go to church, but I'm not reading the bible, or wearing crosses or worried about my soul for living with fiance. How and why is that a sin? We have the ring, the date, the dress, everything, the love love love, so what more do I need to prove that it's going to happen? Only death will stop us? Why hurry? Regardless, I don't care, I hate him so, and it's un-GODLY of me to wish him doom and gloom. I will settle with being indifferent. 3:32 p.m. - 2006-10-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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