sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- burnt out. Ah. It sucks, as in slightly, that at work they moved everyone around - desks, orientation of the office, so that I do not know where anyone is. So I stopped and talked with a friend, and scouted about to get an idea of where everyone is. Of course ex-hex is there, and I think he thinks I'm looking at his ugly ass, but I'm really just seeing where everyone is at.... I realized this weekend that I'm not only annoyed by my job, but fed up. Mainly, mostly realized that anymore I'm just in a bad mood due to work. Even fiance' noticed that I've been crabbier than usual. I said it's work and also being sick - I think my hormones got messed up a lil. It's a week before my period, so I do feel very out of sorts. I get angry a lot anymore, worry about money. Always on that, and bills and all sorts of things. I know I need to relax a little. Sometimes I just find that I can't and my mind flips. Yesterday we took down some of the paneling on the wall in the "office" soon to be, well one day "baby room." It was pretty easy, but seeing ... argh ... all the holes we'll need to fill in. Seeing that the wall is painted a pea-green ... wondering if I'll need to paint a layer of Killz on it ....... I don't know. And then, to see the carpet, that horrid ... tearing up of carpet - the only good news is there is only one strip of tacks to take out. The living room had two strips, sometimes THREE in some areas. It's a lot of hard work and I'm happy it's a smaller room. I guess the "extra's" is what is so shitty. Having to fill holes and yes...the base board is gone via -- paneling - so we have to buy base board and install it. Very scary. As I've hard horrors of this, the whole "corner cut" where they have to meet in some perfect way. And myself and fiance very beginner, very "I don't know what I'm doing-ish." Regardless, we did decide on a color for the room. It's called "haystack" and is a very calming color, sort of cream and a very small dab of a peachy/orange/yellow-y color. It's hard to explain. I'm happy to be doing this, just really, very tiring. And having a puppy walk around - yeah, not great fun. He did, however find a nail in the rug for me. So the dog DID help I guess. He's 4.5 months old now. He's listening better, growing up pretty fast which makes me happy and yet kind of feeling like "where'd my puppy go?" He's big now, I remember when I could pick him up with one hand and hold him easy. Now it's two hands and heavy puppy and ... he's like "hey put me down, no more kisses!" But he still waits for me to pick him up in the morning so he can stretch out in my arms and do that lil puppy moan ... ahhh. Anyway, fiance might be getting a cold, we still haven't ... yet. It annoys me greatly for some reason. November is 2 days away and I dread November. I have so much to do in November, all my days are completely and utterly FILLED. It's amazing. Thankfully we only have one more puppy shot for Roscoe - and it's only $15 bucks! Yay. Before we had to shell out $57 a month for him. I'm still thinking of ways to make extra money. It's sort of hard when you don't want to work part time on top of what you work now. I'm still looking for a new job. I'm still thinkig of ways to cut corners somehow. I thought on having WG end his contract on his cell phone and come to my plan ... but you have to pay $150 to end. We just do not have that right now. It sucks, I was upset yesterday as I'm so tired of living pay check to pay check. No relief in sight. I wish, wish I had the forethought, somehow on my ring and the wedding bands and my visa. He wanted to wait until December to buy the ring, I'm so happy he didn't, at least now IN December it'll be PAID OFF. And then onto the bands and by Feb. those too should be paid off, I reckon by June, my visa will be paid off - or down to something less than $1,000. I guess it's not TO bad, I just do not like the CONSTRAINTS ... but time heals all I guess, I mean each month, we come to paying off these things. I worry on the future, with babies and things and paying off those things. Lord when we do have most of it paid off - we'll have an extra $400 a month! I mean seriously ... we both throw in $200 a month to pay on the ring, so those $400 payments really ... wow, they knock out debt pretty well. Though last month I didn't have $200 to give, I felt bad, but I just was short. Oh well enough on money issues, I know I talk about that a lot. Wedding things are at a stand still for now. Just to much going on, and haven't been on ebay to buy anything. I have time. Also happy to go to my first step class on Saturday. Then hopefully join for $30 a month, it's not TO bad. No contracts, etc. I don't know what I'll do....just have to start losing. Regardless, I need a vacation pretty soon. I'm just feeling burnt out and hating my job all over again. The bright side is that fiance might come to work in this office, but I'm not holding my breath. I do know I'm going to try a lil harder in my job search. Just so tired of my job and fiance is tired of his, and overall, we both are burnt out. 11:15 a.m. - 2006-10-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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