sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- maybe that'll work I'm in limbo. With my career. Not that I'm losing my job. Don't think that. Think more that I've had multiple interviews, and after all is said and done, I'm in limbo. Did any of these interviews stick? Mostly, I'm a veteran in this thing called interviews. I've been through so many, that I could write a book about it. I say what they want to hear. I smile and am courteous. I know that bull shit. That game of tit for tat. And yet I still sit there the following day, just wondering what'll happen. I know I have a job interview today where I work. I know already, from a friend in the dept. that they want to hire an ex-employee. I know my interviewer doesn't think I'm strong enough in copy-editing. In other words: She's made up her mind on me. And I said, "Why waste my time??" My friend hushed me and said to still try and sometimes when you know that you're already going into battle with numerous wounds, you wonder if it's even worth it. My last ditch attempt - to try to woo her into thinking that I indeed DO have copy editing experience. WHICH I DO HAVE. Granted never WORKED as one (except in college), but I was a coordinator and reporter and all sorts of things...I copy edited up the wa-zoo. Regardless, my Chicago interview ... turned plural. I went in for one job, and ended up with TWO interviews. I disliked the other job, but still interviewed for it (who could turn that down?) and ... the guy didn't like me and I didn't like him. The job I went in for, is great. I would love to work there and I talked with two people about it (talked to 3 people total)...with ease. And de-stressed and relaxed .... I think I did a good job of trying to explain myself and how I can do the job. But as qualified as I am. I might as well take out the magic 8-ball to see if I'll get the job. I'm qualified, yes. But seemingly, they made me believe with raised eye brows that there was a lot of applications. I don't know if this is something to lessen the blow that I didn't get it, or so I wouldn't think getting the job would be so easy. I shook hands and told the man, "you'll call me won't you?" I sounded like a first date girl, so desperate. I said, "you'll call to tell me either way? Right?" And he said, "yes, yes I will." And I thought, liar. Regardless, I am thankful that I am employeed I could be out in the bread lines, but no, I DO have a job. One that I don't particularly like, but one that I am good at, on some level. Today someone said "when you're off and when you come back, it makes you really appreciate the work that you do." It was a nice compliment, however, in a way, I felt slightly sad because I really want to get out of here. And in a way, inside, I can just feel that I didn't get my lovely Chicago job. I am still in the HOPE stage, and as this week goes by, I know it'll slowly decrease. And when that fateful phone call comes and the ringing of my voice mail pops up, I'll know. And hear one of those dear john things, where it's not you, it's them. It's not you, well maybe your lack of _____ (insert some lame excuse) and that you were a good interview and that ____ (insert something more lame) ... thanks, but no thanks. I hate to sound bitter about it, but it's hard to get a break these days. It's like you have to have won the nobel prize just to get an interview. Not sure what they saw in me, I know my work on a cruise line just fucking dazzles people, but that's about it. After that, it seems to go downhill. It makes you wonder just what they didn't like about you. I wish sometimes they'd tell you. Regardless, I cannot help but daydream about giving my two week notice and how well I'd do at that job. I know, a lot of the things I've said is bad mojo. Bad karma and I've prayed to God to please let me get this job and if not, please help me in some other way career wise. I did learn in that leg. secretary interview last week that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Not by a long shot and right now, I want this job so very badly, that I can taste it and not getting it, I'm trying not to get devasated, but ... it's hard and in that, I want to know what lesson that'll teach me? Be thankful that I even have a job? I already know that. So I'm just asking for a chance. For someone to throw the dice and just gamble me away. It's under contract for pete's sake, they could always get rid of me after the contract is up. So I'm unsure and it's like a new relationship, I'm confused and hoping and day dreaming and just frustrated in the whole WAITING period. Anyway, I'm in a bit of a better mood today. I was off Monday and will be off on Friday. And then next week I'm off Thurs/Friday. So lovely time off. This weekend I'm going to Indy for a wedding. I feel embrassed because my mom is giving me $50 to give to my cousin for her wedding. I just do not have the money to do this type of thing. My finace and I live pay check to pay check. I have $5 in my account right now (checking) and we do not touch savings (in excess of $4,000) ... so it's difficult right now as we need to get dog food, groceries, gas, and other daily living things. And Christmas is coming and presents need to be boughten. Ebay is my friend, let me tell you. The good thing, is I think I can kind of fudge on my parents presents. I doubt they'll come down for Christmas. So maybe I can hold off and spread out give buying? I know I'm spending $40-50 on sister and her husband. So it's not that bad I guess, it's just hard right now and thankfully, I won't have to pay Visa in December (their present to US ... wish they would cut the APR out for Dec. too) .... But that's $80 I can spend! And best of ALL I need to get my fiance a gift ... not sure what, I guess I should start looking now. I just feel nuts I guess, with money. Which is why a new job sounds great to me - a pay raise. But in my heart I just feel it's not ... the right time ... something, doesn't feel right. So I feel depressed in this feeling I get, maybe it's jitters or my own personal doom and gloom thoughts. I hope it is, just me, and that maybe I do have a chance. Sometimes you just KNOW when you go into a job that you got it. I really never feel that way anymore. So I look to praying and hopin' and wishin'. Maybe that'll work. **Oh and good news of the week. Fiance and I ... finally made love like we used to. I don't know if his ED problem finally went away or what. But it was a rocky start but we flowed on through and both of us enjoyed ourselves. He's still going to the doctor on Friday and tonight I think we're going to try again .... It was just a good, nice feeling for both of us. It was really missing in our life, I mean seriously, sex means a lot to any relationship. So we both really...wow.** 10:33 a.m. - 2006-11-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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