sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wonder ... I love job hunting. Because the string of lies and excuses they tell you when you don't get the job, is endless. I could write a book on this topic. They try to save your feelings by telling you that you're really good. We really liked you a lot....but ... you just don't have enough ____. Today was no different, except that I was told, "you just have bad luck." That's what sort of got me, as I sit here licking my wounds, salvaging whatever integrity I have left in my body ... You just have bad luck. What type of comfort is that? Should I start wearing four-leaf clovers? Or carry a rabbits' foot? I don't know, but in all, I told the lady at work, "it doesn't surprise me, it's happend before." I didn't care about her feelings, she led me on and yesterday I sort of knew I didn't get it. I say they strike while the irons hot. So as I wait for rejection number 2 - from Chicago - I'm feeling like I'm imprisoned by my job. The only way out is to outright quit. There is always that suicidal notion to contend with - job suicide. But I can't see myself going through that, as I NEED a job and the money. So I'm in prison, waiting for parole. I feel for those who are unemployed, however, they should also realize at least they aren't in a job they fucking hate as I am. Regardless, I'm feeling sort of low today about the whole thing. I mean I feel mostly like a failure and tired of everyone saying those fake things like, "at least you tried." Etc. Such bullshit. Anyway, I'm just kind of feeling blah. I'm tired of this shit happening all the time, I don't think luck has anything to do with it. People are just assholes, especially where I work now. So where to go, what to do, I'm very unsure on. I wish I had a certain direction, but I figure when the time comes, I'll go. Or get so pissed I'll quit, that's doubtful. I guess I'm feeling beat down and slightly irriated that I cannot just up and go away like before. I told fiance that if he wasn't here, I would be looking for jobs everywhere else but here. He didn't say anything. But it seems like lately my life has been a big pile of shit. Not sure what karma is doing, but being nice certainly isn't helping me out .... Praying and stuff, really hasn't helped either. I guess this is a quarter life crisis thing, what do I want to do with my life, what do I want? It's just a big question mark. I think I know what I want sometimes, but anymore, I just am confused and not wanting to even spend time trying to sort things out. Right now I'm trying to focus on weight loss. I feel tired a lot and no energy. I feel blah. I know this is due to my diet/lack of exercise. It's horrible. I'm sick of it. So maybe if I can do something GOOD in one area of my life, the other areas can fall into place. All I know is I want out of my job, and can't seem to find a job, so I'm basically unhappy when I'm at work a lot of the time. Also that whole - talking to boss about me leaving this job - the interviewer I mean - makes me feel like a fucking loser because I didn't get. I know boss is thinking, "ah-ha! I knew she wouldn't get it. Silly girl, why do you even try?" Sometimes I wonder.... 11:32 a.m. - 2006-11-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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