sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't know I have a busy day going. Feels like anymore, my days are chalk full of busy goodness. It's somewhat annoying, however at the same time, the clock flies by. It's already 2:00 here. I remember when it was only 10. I have an interview at 3:30 here at the paper. Another bend over and let us fuck you again and again. I must be a glutton for punishment because I've lost count on how many times I've been interviewed here. This time, in a soap opera-ish turn of events, my ex would be my manager. Yeah. Ex-hex, mr. asshole. He works here again, and would be MY manager. Or not really manager, more like "team leader." In my mind, I have no bosses or managers or "team leaders." He's been emailing me about the position with motivational things like, "you'd be great at it!" and when the job was posted, he emailed me to tell me so. Then my favorite, "you have great potential." He makes me feel like I'm some frest out of college girl who's trying to "make it" in the field. I'm not, I do have experience, I probably could do HIS job. However in this paper, I'm nobody, I don't know the right people, I suck at brown nosing and ass kissing. So I stay stay stay in my shit position. Regardless, both my ex-hex and other manager both sing my praises and have all but hired me. Expect with a cryptic note passed to me at work on Friday telling me to interview at 2 and to bring my portfolio. I asked the "team leader" (not ex) if anyone else had gone for it, he said "a few others" I said..."oh" sadly thinking, whatever see I'm getting fucked again.... So he says, but you've got a REAL good chance, don't worry. Or something like that. Fuck me again and again. All I know is if I don't get this job, I am going to relinquish the part of the job that I was going already - volunteered to do - to help them out. And boy will I be pissed to be yanked around yet again by this shit place called a newspaper. I don't know if I'll get a raise, I assume I would, at least something. I will sort of "fight" for something that's worth it - give me $28,000 at least, start me at $30. I make $25,000 right now - a job a monkey could do. I love my college education, it's taken me so far, to this shit job and shit pay. Gotta love it! Anyway, I also am in the process of changing my birth control. It's way to expensive now. I can't swing $20 a MONTH on a pill. It used to be $10, then $15, now it's $20 and I'm sure it's not my insurance that's the culprit. I read that a lot of BC pills were going up in price. I seem to have one - that w/o insurance, costs $52! Jesus! So I'm going to get on the horn and ask my gyn about it - she still hasn't returned my call from FRIDAY. Tomorrow I'll try again....*groan* Other things is I'm starting to exercise more. It's a nice thought to say the least. I just bought a book off of Amazon called You on a di et. I watched some tv show about it, and it seems pretty good. The advice and has a 3 month diet or something in there for you to follow - even gives you grocery lists and stuff. Seems like a good idea, but so many "good" diets start out like that, and then that book ends up under your bed or thrown in a pile with the rest. I.e. WW. Regardless, I'm feeling overwhelmed SLIGHTLY by bills again. Not that they are so horrid. I DID pay off the engagment ring! :) YAY. But now we're lumping on more things: flowers/invitations, wedding bands, visa and honeymoon. Mainly I want to pay off wedding bands and visa first. Then put honeymoon on visa and then start on flowers/invites. Thinking that flowers/invites most likely won't be paid until the very end - Aug/Sept. But I thank the stars that tax time is coming up! I get a nice return each year - at least $500. So that'll go to paying SOMETHING off. It's why, though I think this job I'm going for - graphic artist, might suck ... but a raise is what I'm looking for. Even a small one...$50 more on a check, would help me out greatly. Who knows. I am still hoping just to leave this whole place! But I guess the future will tell. Finace wants to move to Michigan, I want Florida, and whatever....happens will happen. We want to move too and then he wants to get pregnant fast. I just see so many things happening right now. It's crazy. My life is utterly crazy now, and I'm not sure when it started to get so out of hand. Mostly, though I love my puppy, I wish we would've waited on getting him. He's very sweet, but at the same time, I get so bonkers and stressed merely by him acting bad, that I could just kill him. I know fiance does too, but man alive. He's been pretty good lately, his only bad things are he still eats EVERYTHING he sees -- rocks or twigs, plastic, anything. He still eats his shit and it's so nasty. He doesn't listen when he's outside. I know he's in the "terrible two's" in doggie years, the rebellious teenager. I just sometimes think - God I can't wait until he's one or two years old. Age calms a lot of things down in life. Right now, I feel after the wedding life will once again calm down. No more planning and making calls and paying on this and that. Wedding's aren't hard to plan, it's the whole money thing. They want money now - or later, when it's all due. You realize, this tiny wedding, the food/hall alone will cost $2,000-$2,500. You realize your flowers/invites will be $400-500. You realize the musicians and photographer both cost $500. Then of course honey - already - costs us $2,500. (Maybe). But I figure it's the only time you'll get married and have this TIME to yourself. I will wait on children - maybe a year. Because I want to be bill free, and have life figured out - as in where we're going to stay to work. I know he can't go on working night shifts, not with a baby, I'll can't just work all day and then come home and watch a baby all night. Ugh. I just see a lot of mess life things to come. I mean I wish life were easier when it comes to this type of planning. And anymore I keep having nightmares about my wedding. I know it's 9 months away (will be on Sat.) ... but still I see myself nuts and stressed out. Is that how marriage begins? Stressed out? Bills coming out your ass, yet still having a good time at a party? I just wish his parents could help us pay for this wedding. His sister backed out of the wedding saying she'd look stupid cause she's so thin (bulmic) and then saying they didn't have the money. I was pissed and so was fiance' why she waited until now when in the start she should've said. She supposedly cried saying she didn't want me to hate her. I wanted to say, well you're making a good case for me to. Then I told fiance she is never going to babysit my kids. Never. Not with her mental issues and bulmia. Never never. His family, seems nuts to me. And I'm still pissed his mom was handing over all these people to invite - granted AT THE LAST MINUTE - and FRIENDS of theirs, when my own parents aren't even inviting their friends. And my parents are paying for the majority of my wedding. How dare they! I asked fiance - just WHERE do they think the money for this is coming from??????? They can't even HELP me plan or HELP me make things, address invites .... nothing. You mean to tell me you can't even MAKE something for my bridal shower? That my gift for the wedding will be a homemade loaf of bread - something that fiance probably likes and I don't - for a gift? I know I sound bad, but I'm just pissed at that fact, that suddenly they want that. And another kicker is his mom bought their daughter a bridal mag. She said, you can look at this article, but you can't have it. Excuse me, but your daughter will never get married, and if she does, will never be able to pay for it anyway. Argh! How rude, "you can't have it." Like I want it. She's the one that said for me to wear a cocktail dress to my wedding instead of a gown. You're not paying for it, so dont fucking worry. Just like my rehearsal dinner. They can't pay, so we have to!!!!!! My parents said they would, but that's not right. I really think his family is SOMETHING. Jesue fucking Christ, you dont' pay for SHIT and then EXPECT us to cater and PAY for you. Fuck off!!!!! I don't know. Sorry to vent. 1:48 p.m. - 2007-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||