sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- months I dislike being in a sour mood. But I find myself very tired from today. Yes baby shower. Was today, I'm beat. On top of it all it's sleeting and crap weather. Tomorrow? Bridal fair. yay? I hope I win a prize this time! Geez! I know.... I just go for all the goodies - free stuff - pens and chances to win two trips to like Mexico! Regardless, I feel very FAT right now. I am very very down on myself this week because I've let myself GO in a lot of senses in regards to my body. Going to start hitting the gym. I also have my period coming up this week, which is why I'm obsessing about weight. The plan I'm going to do -- "YOU on a diet" Very sensible. And it claims in two weeks you can drop 2 dress sizes. I'm not going for that, just to LOSE weight. In fact, I'm not sure, but am playing around with merely CUTTING BACK right now, and when it gets closer to the wedding, hitting that diet - it starts with being on it for two weeks, then you continue on. I was thinking of starting it HARD CORE come July/August. That leaves me enough time. For now I will exercise and eat healtier with the said diet in mind (I read the book) and yes, I'm going to start eating more fiber. It gets hard and sometimes I want to just go in for gastic bypass shit, but I know they wouldn't let me cause I CAN lose weight. *SIGH* Wedding stuff now. I also miss my parents they stayed one measely day, I didn't get to see them all that much. But they'll be back in late March for the birth of the baby. April I am scheduled to baby sit already!! Oh and lovely May. My yearly gyn checkup. I was OK with it before, but now I feel.... scared slightly. I know each time you go, it gets easier. However. I'm changing my doctor to now use her DAUGHTER as my doctor. Heard she's better. My nail tech, who has issues getting prego, says both of them suck and I should go to this black-man doctor (her words) ... and I said I will if I have issues getting prego. But right now, having a baby is far from my mind. Right now fiance' and I are talking about moving after we get married, to Florida or Michigan. I know a far stretch, it probably won't happen, but I believe we'll try at least. I hate where we work, my new job, my "raise" isn't even that much, taxes and stuff eats it up. Makes me want to cash in my company stock sometimes. I wish life were easier. It did with my tax return and I bought my dress for our honeymoon, the fancy dress. The one that fits me fine, though the size is huge, even if I lose weight, there is a tie in the back, it'll just make the dress look fuller. I love fine dresses, they have it all figured out. If only I could get to that level again. I just feel ... so unhealthy anymore. I could cry and I wished I were dead today because of it, I was very unhappy as I saw a picture of myself that my dad took and I looked like I WAS PREGO, so fat and nasty and I just .... wanted to break my jaw, so I could have it wired shut, for a reason, for a few months. 7:32 p.m. - 2007-02-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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