sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- withougt explaination or guilt Ah, I never update anymore do I? Only when I'm at home and on the computer, which isn't very often, yet must have dsl, you know just in case I want to get on the net. Regardless, I've started exercising again and feel a whole lot better. I over did it last night in swimming and today am major achy and also very hungry (pms/period is coming). Some dude kept talking to me last night in the pool, the next lane. This older guy just wouldn't stop! I swam hard a few laps just to escape, then finally made a break. I wondered if he thought different of me when I got out of the pool and saw, my god, she's fat! HA. I don't care. I have my loving fiance' who's my lovar....yet very cranky man who's been sick all this week. I hope I'm not catching this crazy flu going around... i.e. my body aches/headache/bad mood today. Erm. I am going to start BUFF BRIDES come this Tuesday. I'm going Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays. This is merely because I take swim aerobics Monday, Wednesdays and just cannot double up on that much exercise. Regardless, just ordered my fiance' his easter gift. I got him a silver cross from Fortunoff.com a high end jeweler. It's a cool cross, like biker looking, I got it coz my fiance is italian and it looks like a neat cross - medevalish - and the chain is nice and looks strong. erm. For his birthday I am getting him an ipod. I'm going to buy it from apple - though against my better shopping-judgment - because you can engrave the ipod on the back! I know I could probably get it a bit cheaper elsewhere, but eh, what's a few bucks? The wedding is going well. I got nearly everything planned, well except the honeymoon. That shall start come April. Eh. not to shabby, he's never been on a real vacation and myself I haven't been on a real vacation since I left Florida. We're in a job rut right now. Not sure where to pick up and go to. I say Florida as I am very tired of the snow! So fucking tired of cold. He wanted Michigan, but it does NOT pay - I know this from experience. It's hard when you have a house and to move and sell your house in conjunction with .... LIVING .... and not ... like GOING UNDER...is difficult. Parts of me say, fuck it, just stay put. But more often than not, we're both saying we need new jobs, where we work, they just don't give a shit and it's run so badly. More of a job to bounce from, not to stay at. The turn over rate there is amazing. ALWAYS someone coming and going. That't the media business for you. Other than this, I am now in charge of obits in our paper. I mean templates and graphics, promo's ... etc. They are going to see if I can get some "credits" towards all of this hard - appointed work. I hope so. Even if I get an extra $10 per check, that ought to buy something. Dog food, make-up, something. Regardless, they are starting up WW at my work again. And if I go to every meeting it's "free" and the company pays for it. I said to put my name down as a maybe as you need 25 people just to get it started. Just hate counting points, but I guess that's what I have to do to lose. I got the exercise part underway, eating is next. Someone at work said I looked like I've lost weight. I hope so. I've been drinking a lot more water (except for tonight) and trying to cut back - ala had only one piece of pizza for dinner. Though am drinking pop. :( Regardless. Just kind of happy I got my pay raise. It's not grand, but it's $200 more now. It's funny how though I make more, still I end up living "po'" How does that happen? Well this Saturday I'm going to goodwill to see if I can buy a used STEP and some weights. I'm not paying $50 for a new step that I might not use. Then I'm off to go shopping and get my engagement ring checked for loose diamonds, then going to go clothes shopping - I'm in a MAJOR CLOTHING DROUGHT. Have all plus size clothing manufacturers only producing slutty shit that doesn't fit well? My friends lately are old navy ... and uh ... marshalls or TJ max (or Target clearence clothing......) It's sad really, I used to dress SO well. Now I'm kind of ho-hum with aspirations of one day dressing better (when I have money-whenever that will be). I worry about when we have a kid. Things like this make me scream for Florida as jobs there are very abundant right now and they pay pretty well. More than there, at a newspaper where the only extra money is from overtime - which isn't allowed. Or when the ad reps meet goal, which they HAVEN'T ... for so long. If ever. So I hope that I can get this whole "credits" thing with obits. That'd be so fucking nice, but I wonder if they'd let me? Oh well I better get going, the dog is outside and yes driving me nuts. Must be my pill because sometimes I think I could just literally kill me. The evil streak in me brought on after a bad day at work, pms and a headache. Poor dog. And yet after being mean to him, he'll still wag that tail and nuzzle into me. He either doesn't care or is just to stupid. I wish I were stupid like that sometimes though. Lately I've been very ... no libido. Nada. And not even wanting to kiss or snuggle. I don't know why. I really ... just don't want to even fuck sometimes. I think it's my pill as I've never felt this way before. Either I'm so fucking hot to have sex or I'm like I am now, just not even wanting to be touched. It's not his fault, there is no one that I want to touch me. People at work touch me a lot- and I hate it literally to the point I want to say, please... don't. I guess they feel that's a way to connect or ... maybe I look stressed. Regardless. I think sometimes. I just want to be alone without explaination or guilt. 8:36 p.m. - 2007-03-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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