sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- do this. I'm bidding on two pairs of jeans via Ebay. They are sizes 24 and 26. I know the 26 is not my size, but in Lane Bryant land, you never know. In Old Navy land, 24's fit perfectly. I know this because I ordered a pair of 26's and they're to big, and to long - they drag on the ground, but I still wear them because...I'm to lazy to return them. Maybe it feels good for some clothing to feel "big" on me. The ebay item says the girl lost weight and is selling a lot of her clothing. I feeling blah on this. She's on WW - and I'm thinking, fuck if I'd stay on a fucking diet for a few months I'm sure I too could be on ebay, making some other fat girl feel ... well ... fat. So I just feel. Fat. I'm going to my swim class tomorrow night. Then am starting buff brides 24 weeks workout. I do it 3x's a week - Tue/Thur/Sun. I swim Mon/Wed. WW at work --- didn't come to be. Not enough people wanted to pay a "to high" amount to have someone weigh them weekly just so they can "feel bad" or "guilty" about it. Eh. I can do that myself. I'm thinking I ought to actually keep track of my weight. Why. Today, I realized, I have 6 months to my wedding. These dwindling days really are starting to get to me. With ordering things and sending things. I think of a wedding dress and I dread the thought of girdles and to-tightness and "letting out the seams" ... I really do not want this. Also eyeing my closet with just a few of the pieces I wear, others from when I really did work out and could wear them because I was losing weight. Now, sadly, I have to ponder and scared to say that I have indeed gained a lot of weight. I know this is due to me quitting the gym and boyfriend ( I don't blame him) --- daily Dairy Queen ice cream runs, weekly pizza (and cheese sticks) ... and worse of all, chili cheese fries AND a chili cheese hamburger. Yes. I was bad ... before. Now I'm trying to regain some control of my weight. I just simply feel bad about myself, how I look. So I'm back to it. I'm kicking myself for weakness ... for not ordering those salads, saying "no fries" ... or turning down pop. I guess stress and hormones get to me ... laziness. Now I ... feel ... wedding, wedding, wedding. Everyone asks me about it at work, and maybe they wonder when I'm doing to "get with it and start losing." Yeah that girl with the candy bucket on her desk making not only herself, but everyone fatter, sugared up, and just feeling like shit. Regardless, sorry for my rant, but I feel SAFE that if I hit my water exercise AND SWIM laps afterwards, even if it's 4 laps ... and start lifting weights, after TWO WEEKS I should START to feel better. Also eating, I have been eating A BIT better (nix the past weekend) -- and will eat more raisin bran for lunch and tuna on wheat crackers and soup and crackers, I should start to really lose. More water, less pop, more exercise, no laziness. I can do this. 9:53 p.m. - 2007-04-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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