sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- counting Happy 4th. I had a fun day of sunning and seeing a movie. Then had a "flip out" cuz I looked over my wedding list and see I have to many and my "venue" on fits 55 tops and 60 uncomfortably. My list is ... like yeah around 60 +. I reckon not EVERYONE shall come. And they say, I read, that 5 to 10 percent of the folks just won't show. I can safely cross off a few names I know pretty well won't come (think the two couples from Michigan - 4 hr drive). I hope? Still, I'm thinking some of the folks I invited, I don't want coming ... anymore. Like this girl at work. I really, wish I could uninvite her. And my old boss. I wish those two could be crossed off my list. I sent save the date cards already! Curses. I did an internet search regarding such a thing as sending a "save the date" and then not sending an invitation. Perhaps, if I didn't work with her (them) still, I could do it. But since I do, I just... have to. To save face. So I don't look bad. Regardless, I still feel that panicky feeling about ... what if I get an overload, that EVERYONE decides to come? Fiance said "they won't" and me saying...but .. what... if. He says louder, "THEY WON'T" and I say, whiney-ly, but what if!? And he says, HONEY THEY WON'T I GUARANTEE IT and I said Yeah but what if!?! And he says, geeez honey..... Hah. I guess I'm this way due to my sister barking and my mom barking about my bridal shower. It's coming up in a month (month!!!) and we're starting to seriously plan and me making that "mailing list" is scary cuz I see how many are coming to that (30+). And it's like ... argh. I pray that some of HIS family doesn't come, I feel bad saying this as he doesn't have a lot coming to begin with. Mostly it's my family. Then a mixture of work friends. Erm. It's just wild, .... I mean wedding planning ... is the killar. You're so busy trying not to OFFEND and making everyone HAPPY that you get nutz and lash out and wish you'd just elope someplace. Argh. Sorry, I'm having a wedding flip out. I've gone over my list so so so many times, and each time I get new numbers, trying to figure if my cousin from Kentucky will show. I don't even like him. He creeps me out. Would it be wrong to just simply "lose" that invite? Whoops? Regardless, I go this weekend for dress fittings and I just feel blah. Need to lose more weight. Today I was so very happy as old gravy had a big sale on their site and I bought a lot of summer clothing. I'm so very happy when I buy clothing in bulk. I bought $100 worth of 50% off stuff and one shirt that was full price - merely boughten for my bridal shower. yay. So I'm trying to happy, positive Jen. It gets hard, I'm still trying to overcome Jen's depression and anxiety attacks - slowly I'm coming around. Lately I'm just not "in the mood" for fiance. No kissing or anything. I think it's stress. God knows I love him dearly and tell him daily. But anymore I'm just... not "feeling it" ... nothing at all. Which is ODD for me, but just a hassle anymore. Sex ... means washing sheets and then getting him ready for a lengthy time and then clean up and I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but anymore... blah. I don't even WANT to get off, not by him or myself. I've become asexual or something. Argh. Stress go away. I also think I'm coming down with a cold, that could be the culprit too. I started taking vitamins which is greatly helping. I am, will be healthier one...day. Sigh. Right now I just feel plan nutz. 3 months and counting. 8:56 p.m. - 2007-07-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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