sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- growing up is a bitch I'm surprised that I remember my password for this site sometimes. I don't update as I used to. Life gets busy I guess. I'm on "vacation" right now in Michigan. I leave tomorrow. It's been a crazy weekend. We brought the dog who cried all night the first night. I only got 2 hours of sleep. I got up in the morning and just cried. I sobbed. I was that tired. We got up and took the dog to get "fixed" and he was gone from 9 am to 3:30. When we picked him up. I cried yet again. The woman brought him out and he couldn't walk ... and he didn't even know me or fiance'. So we both cried. He was that drugged up. The nurse said, "the muscle relaxer ... he won't be able to control his blatter." So we both cried all the way home to my parents house. The dog slowly woke up and like a drunk, stumbled around. His stitches looked nasty. And as he flopped around, I cried again. I was so tired and stressed. I just cried. Today was better. We had a yard sale and sold a lot of items. My parents gave us all the proceeds - though our stuff probably equaled $20, we got $250. It'll all go towards the wedding. I'm feeling Po' still. Just can't seem to get ahead. I think we have $500 to live on for two weeks. That a meager thing as I have to go grocery shopping, gas up the cars, etc. In two weeks, all of that money will be gone and come that Wednesday I'll be writing bad checks all over again. Regardless, the wedding is now upon us, in a way, 2 months and 3 weeks and 6 days (Ha) .... I know 3 months, but as these weeks dwindle, I worry. I know, what's new? I'm kicking starting WW. And the good thing is now whenever I eat, I get an upset stomach. I get the cha-cha's so much now, my mom thought I was on a diet pill. It's stress. I feel a whole lot better than my nutty episode before, my panic attacks, etc. Now I feel 90% better. 10% still feels that scary feeling of not feeling "well" and over-worrying, obsessively about my health and then everyone else's. I feel like I could die at any moment and the pain of it all, loss of life. I obsess about in a bad way. I'm trying to shut my mind off of it, but sometimes it seeps in unexpectedly. I think, that the devil has something to do with it, whispering these worries into my ear and my brain mindlessly listens and eats it up. Anyway, I bought a whole lot of clothes from Old Gravy and got them. God love gaucho shorts. I adore those things! 3 pairs of loveliness! The wedding stuff trudges on. The months dwindle and money is scarce. It's these little things that is getting me so badly. It's hard when right now I'm dealing with a very large Visa bill due to putting my honeymoon on it, on top of the other charges! Think $4,500! Think my "min. balance" as $160 or $200! That's nuts! So I'm slightly "freaking out" about that because ... money anymore is hard to come by. We planned out how to pay it off, but I can't remember how we figured this out. I can't even think about it right now. It makes me very frustrated that I don't have a higher paying job. It frustrates me that fiance' doesn't have a higher paying job too. But it's life, I guess. I just wish things would die down, but right now I'm on a roller coaster of stress. Lose weight. Bridal shower coming up. Dress fittings. Paying for dress fittings and fiance's tux. Honeymoon items and still need to pay for favors. It never seems to send. What more is I'm not sure how I want to wear my wedding hair and not sure I want to go buy fake hair $60. Another cost. Okay enough right. So I'm out to tackle my weight watchers. I hate having to pay for it at work, but I do get that money back. Sort of like "saving" money in a way. I'll get $150 back. That will go to my wedding fund. Anyway, right now I feel sick again, and tired. I hate that we drive 4 hours home tomorrow, and then work Monday. And ... then we have to go grocery shopping. I figure I have to start going weekly if I plan to keep veggies and fruit in the house that is somewhat fresh. I wish I could take another couple of days off...I feel burnt out all over again and this is vacation??? I also miss my parents, this time flew by and I feel.... depressed. I guess I'm still a big ol' baby. Mama's girl or something. I think it's just that I miss that part of my life where things were done, I was taken care of ... a child's life ... and not worrying about bills and such. I think kids have it made, but in that, they don't because growing up is a bitch. 11:21 p.m. - 2007-07-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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