sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ya know? Wow. Wedding stress is hitting me once again. Not to mention work stress. I got yelled at - at work for having an "attitude" and "cursing" and other things. Well not really yelled at. A manager there, who everyone is "afraid" of, got mad at me because I said "no" to her. I couldn't help her out, I was to busy. She flipped out. Then the girl I do things for, fibbed on me to this manager because I wouldn't make a correction for her - note I explained why I couldn't and after the 100th time, said I didn't have time for this ... "shit" is what they said I said. Then... yes it gets better. Someone wrote a note that I don't treat people right and I curse to much and am disruptive to their work. This was an "anonymous" letter. So three strikes. I plead not guilty. I said I am guilty of cursing, I know I over do it. I'm STRESSED OUT and when I am stressed my mouth turns to potty. I also said I know I've been bitchy lately but it's because of STRESS. My OWN boss said he was just telling me these things. But I am not guilty for telling that manager "no" I really didn't have time and I did not "disrespect" her as a witness even said I didn't do any wrong. Second - the other girl - I AM mad at for fibbing on me -- simply because SHE WAS PMS/ILL LAST WEEK AND CRYING AND FRUSTRATED AT EVERYTHING. So when I said "no" to her, she got mad and TOLD ON ME and then called her friend and had her friend - OUTSIDE OF COMPANY - to the job. Needless to say, I am NOT talking to this girl anymore -- sorry we were FRIENDS and we always talked at work. Now I refuse to talk to her other than work stuff because I DO NOT TRUST HER. Not now, with crazy manager "out to get me" and with this ammo - I really can't stand for another fib on me. Note: I am not a bad person, I do not yell at people. I SIMPLY ASK FOR WORK TO BE DONE and DEADLINES MET. And note that I HAVE NO ENEMIES and everyone I deal with is my friend! I have conversations with them on the side, etc. etc. So the "anonymous" letter, I told my boss was a joke. I explained how everyone there is my friend and that I MADE EFFORTS to keep the peace. I told him I don't believe that letter and that ... it's anonymous, so I don't believe it, maybe that manager wrote it or maybe that other girl did. Regardless, it was NOT a good day. I also told my boss I will NOT let anyone disrespect ME there. I think the whole thing was crazy, my boss came in ALREADY judging me, didn't even KNOW the story - other than telling me about the crazy manager "You know how she is...." If that's true, then maybe they'd know that ... I didn't do wrong and that MAYBE I AM UNDER TO MUCH STRESS. So folks, know I wasn't meak and didn't just sit there saying nothing, I defended and told the truth and said I would CURB cursing though EVERYONE ELSE THERE DOES IT. As for "yelling at others" I don't do this, but if someone tries to FUCK .. er .. SCREW me over, I am not going to be like ... "okay" I will very politely tell him what is going on. Mostly I'm over this shitty ass (hey I'm not at work) ... week. I'm just hurt by that girl fibbing on me. My supposed "friend." I'm just hurt by that since I thought we had each others back. Now that I know this and know who the players are, I am all the more wiser. Still I refuse to even have a conversation with her - other than business. Sorry, I don't trust you. I can't have another "mark" against me. Note that this stuff shouldn't go in my "file" though I don't care because...what does that "file" do for me? I don't plan to stay there. And if a company calls to see if I worked there, if they say anything neg. I can sue them. So I'm not worried. SO I am job hunting seriously now. Big time. I am FED UP. It's sad because there are SO so so many good people there. But office politics really brings everyone down, moral is very very low. No one seems happy, I don't know one person who's happy. Sad. This is added stress now - and mostly my sick stomach is back. Which is kinda good cause I think I've lost weight and have lost my appetite a lot more now. Wedding stuff is coming up and I'm getting so very stressed. I wonder when a breaking point is? I feel like I can cry everyday. It's either we have no money or that something is making me worry or it's a million other things. The dog is being an asshole, my fiance' is being an asshole. Nothing gets done in the house. The house is messy. Our basement flooded, now it's dried up , but now mold is sprouting. I just simply cannot deal with all of these things sometimes. It makes me want to lock myself in a room and bury my head and just cry my eyes out. I think right now ... I just need a new job. Less stress....that is exactly what I seriously need. I'm hoping for something close - I've only applied at one job in Chicago and it's because I interviewed there before. Didn't get it. But was called to interview for another job, but didn't - told him no - but now am going for that same job. The other jobs are for clerks or receptionist at a college or law firm. The college one would be GREAT but they never seem to want to hire me....college education and a good resume. I know they wonder "why change your path?" If they only knew. Regardless, I'm just upset anymore with how much stress I have. I feel depressed a lot, but am hiding it pretty well, or it's just very mild. We got fiance's tux today. It looks so very nice on him. We also bought him a suit - well pieces of a suit - and we are getting it tailored to fit him. It's a lovely charcoal colored suit coat and a burgundy shirt with a tie to match and light brown pants (wool) ... all on sale, all very very very nice. It's a VERY sharp ensemble. Wow. His tux is also VERY NICE. I got this KICK ASS vest in white with a diamond pattern, and a white tie in a striped pattern...looks AWESOME. We both were excited. But now we're broke again until payday on Thursday. We have $87 to live on until then. So I'm trying to lighten up my mood. I really am. I'm happy my gym re-opens next week. It's been closed TWO WEEKS now. I'm going to hit it HARD now. The wedding is creeping up. I'm going to start on my programs -- printing and putting them together --- soon. I just don't know what to put in the damn thing. I dont' now if I should list the songs played -- ala canon in D and stuff. Who cares?? Ya know?? 10:01 p.m. - 2007-09-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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